Spidey

Dey bedder be lice to Spidey. Spidey werked berry hard on dis.

The Storage Room

  

Dear Elle,

    I can't stay here forever. I don't know where to go. I just know I have to go. 

    Is it my fault that you're inspiring? And you never even knew. For 23 years, you never knew. Not until that last day. You see, Leaves had told me. She said, you should tell her. And so, when I came back, after all that time, that last time... I remember writing the note in the hospital. I remember asking you to talk. 

    You took me into that storage room. The nursing interview room. I don't remember what the note said. Something about you watching over me. Mentioning your name in the ER was a mistake, by the way. I don't know exactly what they thought of my trauma list. They weren't thrilled. Anyways. That's when I told you about Leaves and read the note to you. I gave it to you and you slipped it up your sleeve. You know one of the nurses in the ER was like, yeah he's got pretty words but... 

    I remember the nurses coming, trying to pull you away, and you wouldn't let them. I'm glad you were there. 

    Anyways, now everyone knows. 

Yours,

Ashes

Remembering

 

Dear Elle,

    I know it must seem strange that I write. But there's a lot I haven't said. While it was ill advised to contact you, I did what I did. It is done. I held onto to some words for many years. Now you have most. Let me add a few more. 

    I met you in '97. It was night. I was standing in line at the old medication window, lost in my thoughts. Black as night. So very lost. So far away that I was barely still alive, barely still on earth. I could show you the exact spot. A voice came alive, warm and kind. Gentle. And still, I was far, yet I could not help but think to myself... I need to know this voice. There you were. There you were. I remember you said I must be new, you asked my name. you gave me yours. you told me about your family, your kids, and there I felt safe, and didn't want to leave. 

    There's reasons I'm still here. They talk about healing, about moving on. I don't understand what that looks like exactly. I'm trying to understand. But I can't forget. I can't. I don't have it in me to forget. Some days it's like sitting in stasis. But the days change. And people move on. And I have to understand where I go from here. I know it's people like you that keep me here. 

Yours,

Ashes

Fall is not far. It reminds me of my old friend. I met her in late august, I believe. She is Leaves of September...

I’ve forgotten only what I want to remember

I’m trying so hard to recall that September

When we were building the world anew

You saw everything in me, and I in you.

 

You taught my eyes and mind to see

A world, the same, but differently

You showed me how to trust myself

Instead of trying to be someone else.

 

And though you saw that me so clearly

And helped me to try to simply be

You didn’t see what was before you

Or the entirety of what you signed up for

 

Now I know I must remember

And blow to life hope’s dying ember

There is so much that I’ve forgotten of that fall

The Good, along with all that I don’t wish to recall

 

I’ve forgotten the smiles, both mine and yours

Yet I remember the goodbyes, all the more

All of the big things, small things, and more

I remember the sorrow and have forgotten the joy

 

I know you’re still out there!

And I wonder, am I?

I wonder what happens after goodbye?

 

Do you remember,

Can you remind me?

What do I do…

when only sorrow finds me?

 

Tell me my friend,

Help me remember

I need to find my way back

To the me of September

 

Soon the leaves will change my friend

Can I build that world again?

And be the person I want to remember

And find my way back to the me of September

 

I think that you know

Can you remind me?

What do I do

To remember, to find me?

 

Once you opened my eyes anew

And showed me a world I never knew

But then you disappeared so fast

And I crashed right back into the past.

I found myself lost within a dream

My consciousness, a memory stream

 

And I miss you when the skies are light

And I miss you when they’re dark

 

I want to be that me again

I wish you would remind me

I’ll try to be that me alone

I hope that I can find me

©️ 2020, Accountec, LLC

Mood Stabilizer

Dear Elle,

Did you ever know? Did you ever realize how much you meant to me? Can you understand that? You were my Lithium. So long as you were near, I felt calm. 

Ashes

Gus

Dear Gus,

You may not remember me, but I remember you. I met you before I met Elle or Anna. You were my tech back in the nineties in one of my first stints at MIP. You were with me on suicide watch. I remember you because you used to give me writing prompts before my writing started scaring the workers. You had brown hair and a mustache. Glasses. You were quiet. Cheerful. I haven't seen you in decades. I'm sorry yall couldn't fix me. But... it was nice knowing you.

Ashes

Spidey Here

    Ebbyone, back away from di arachnid! Spidey's not angwy ennymore. 'Sides, cobwebs to weave, black widow to pind. 

Resource for cPTSD

 Beauty After Bruises

I'm coming back to reality, but if the hospital wants to help, they need to work with my LPC, not against.

Chaos

 

My life truly has been chaotic. That said, after consulting with Psychiatrist A, who talked to Psychiatrist B, who sympathized with LPC B's fight with Psych A, and having LPC B consult with LPC A, then bouncing to Psychiatrist C, who moved me to Psychiatrist D, inbetween bouncing between Psych hospitals A, B and C... we may finally be getting somewhere, Though Psy .D. has still not talked to 

LPC B. 

This really is annoying. 

Anyone else on the East Coast got an opinion?

Meanwhile I'm trying to coordinate DUD with Accountec to get all my tax and organizational documents in place. 

Under the belt

Dear joe,

So the journey continues. Tell everyone I said hi. Another counseling session under the belt, and it seems like the plan is clear. I'll be staying on the outside. I might try the outpatient program one more time. Work out some kinks. Im going to have to dedicate some time to promoting trauma research and resources. We need to learn. 

All my best,

Ashes

Wanted: Read or Blondely Alive

    Wanted: One Black Widow, for mating and related activities, nest building, cobweb spinning, and other duties as required. Must have excellent communication skills, a sense of humor, and a down-to-earth personality. Nursing or doctorate degree a plus. Interest in History or video games a plus. No kickers, biters, or yellers. 

    Please submit letter of inquiry to ashesndust@outlook.com. Serious inquiries only. 

What Spidey Tink

    What Spidey dudent understand is WHY ALL DEESE HUMANS TRYING TO STEP ON ME????? Spidey make nice cobwebs. Berry nice.