Projection

I don’t know you
You’re not my friend
Nor family, nor lover
To me you’re nothing at all.

Yet I open my world to you.
You listen to my secrets.
They play in the shadows of your mind
And I wonder what you’re not telling me

You seem to exist in another dimension
In a place I simply cannot go
Yet I struggle to reach you nonetheless
never understanding why I try.

Sometimes I want to tear you down,
To belittle you and say hard truths
To break your façade and draw your tears
In a clumsy attempt to make you real.

You’ve done to me not a single crime
but I easily pretend you’ve done everything.
I try to believe that hurting you is justice
Yet I am powerless to pursue such righteousness

I don’t want to feel anything when I look at you.
I pursue complete apathy, though I fail every time.
You’re not a part of my life so why are you in it?
The simple truth is that you aren’t.

I don’t deny that the adversary lies within me
I know that you are more than a reflection
I can warp my concept of you minute by minute
Yet regardless, you remain the same.

Even as I seek you, I try to escape you
It’s a twisted sort of dream
What will you be when our time is done?
As now, a figment of my imagination.

©️ 2019, Accountec, LLC

Island's End

There upon the sandy shore beneath a smoky sky
Past the telltale varied trappings where the tourists lie
Beyond the rocks and midst the surf betwixt the land and sea

You’ll find me at the island’s end… just the gulls and me.
 
The gulls at least they have their flock
The waves the tide; the crabs the rocks
I alone here have no purpose
No flock to join, no fins to surf with.
 
I seek out peace at island’s end
Only to face familiar questions again
I find that doubts are my only companion
As I search for signs but never find them
 
I can see in the distance the tourists cavort
Delighting in words, sun and sport
But the chaos of life has worn me down
I jealously guard what peace I’ve found.
 
Certainly, I could pretend to belong
Buy a few drinks and they’ll play along
We’ll laugh and play and fight the tide
Without a thought of duty or pride
 
But once I dreamt of following a creed
Of being a crusader of great words and deeds.
It seems to me many ages ago
But I once had places to be and to go
 
The tide brings me a tenuous peace
Can troubles wash away like driftwood on the beach?
The world is so simple yet somehow complex
The waves wash in… the seaweed collects
 
There is no home for me by the surf
Soon comes night and my return to the turf
I take a last look at the stars as I leave
knowing in my heart that this is just a reprieve.
©️ 2019, Accountec, LLC

The Edge

Beware of me, for I learn from the Night

His students adopt a different wrong and right
His virtues are rage, paranoia and violence
And here in the dark, they make perfect sense.
 
Can you see darkness falling my friend?
The shadows dance in my mind again
You know the darkness but have much to learn
you still don't know how stop its return
 
This line and verse is a dangerous song
All the rules change when the fading light’s gone
Our pride and our strength we think will forestall
The raging madness that summons the Fall.
 
There are efforts and promises all in abundance
As you still pretend I’m still who you saw
That person now lives only in dreams
And I am no longer what I may seem
 
Because some have learned the strength of the Night
And whether it’s wrong or whether it’s right
They will return to the light’s domain
But in the end, some shall remain.
 
I want nothing more than to save you from danger
Even though we are now nothing but strangers
Do you not see the darkness could claim you?
Can you not imagine who you might change to?
 
For if the Night claims you, your dreams will end
The people who loved you will run now and then
And though they might hear you when you should call
You too shall learn… you can’t stop the Fall.
 
They’ll trust you completely until they do not.
As little by little the Night twists your thoughts
The Night will consume us, in that we can trust
Long after both you and our friendship is dust.
 
There’s no one to help and no one to blame
No hero nor tonic to make us more sane
No matter your strength you cannot forestall
All on your own? You can't stop the Fall.
©️ 2018, Accountec, LLC

Memory

 I miss me

We used to go out and do fun things
But all me and I seem to do anymore is hang out and argue about stupid stuff…
And time passes by
 
I find myself searching for the days when I knew
Less about the dangers of the mind
I tell me that I think too much
But, I insist, some things must be remembered as lessons learned
 
I can’t throw the past away like some outgrown piece of clothing
Maybe I should, I tell myself
But my memories are who I am
If I throw them away… who am I?
 
I find that the memories have changed me
So much that I don’t recognize me.
Every day looking in the mirror
And only seeing memories.
 
I hold onto the events long after the physical evidence has faded
These events now exist only in my mind
It’s a jealous mind, guarding the memories like treasure
But I have to learn to let them go.
 
To know myself will I set fire to the past
And banish the memories forever?
Will I put that past behind me?
So that I can be something more?
 
I will fashion my tomorrow from dreams
And break the chains of shame that bind me
I hope you’ll come see me again
When the last of the ashes blows away.
©️ 2019, Accountec, LLC