Drug Demons

Something that hadn't occurred to me until recently is how interesting people seem to find me. It was rather disconcerting at first. Being the last born of educated parents can affect the mind. Sometimes, people don't realize and make it worse.

If you get the wrong types of attention, it can distort the mind. Interpretation can run amuck. It's easy to get labeled bipolar, especially if you're male. Doesn't mean the label is helpful or the medications either. Highly perfection oriented populations can misdiagnose so easily. Distorting someone's perception of the world and themselves isn't hard to do. Creating chaos, through highly traumatic events or through unpredictable and varied demands will create people with many talents and little consistency. It will make them act bipolar. No chemicals required. They will rise and fall and be agents of chaos, because that is what they were taught. You don't have to go to McClean to know what messed up is. While some dx's like DID are rare and not well understood, they are not so rare in fact. Because these problems, they have like problems, and some hide better then others. The symptoms shine through. For DID and borderline, it's those patterns. Very well defined patterns. Reinforced patterns. Locking up people with patterns is like locking a bunch of thieves in an art museum. What will they learn from each other while gazing on valuable things they cannot have?  How will they heal? There's a few dozen geniuses with psych MDs that are so incredibly allergic to the truth. They can't see how they are part of the problem. They don't want to see. They want the reputation and money. It's sad. Promoting drugs and finding problems with people. It's truly sad. They may think I'm the insect they couldn't quite kill or stop from buzzing. But I am the warning. I am the warning of what fault finding can bring. Now they need to see that reflection. So the world can be safer. Demonizing people creates exactly that: demons. Drugged, useless demons. So great job guys, I'm sure we all appreciate it.

Physical

I've moved from a deep freeze to semi freeze and now i seem to shift between a mild fight state and mild shutdown. The fight state involves more GI upset and increased BP and temperature. 

They call it polyvagal theory. The engagement zone, the freeze zone, the fight zone. There's much more detail but I'm still learning the truth and unlearning the Bipolar bullshit and toxic masculinity. But I truly was fucked over by psychiatrists addicted to thier own ideas of importance, ignoring red flags, overprescribing, and endangering this community with limited understanding of fight/flight symptoms, dinosauric theory, and a list of patented drugs that numb and alter behavior.  I helped them do it. I'm no longer helping them. There are others that are numbbed and walking around with thier issues. That ignore thier reality.

Sometimes medication is necessary. It should be used with caution. Men aren't dangerous unless they are taught to be dangerous. And even then they have to choose. Different men make different choices.

Side Effects

Almost every time I talk to a non-professional who knew the medicated me I get the distinct impression that people want me to shut the hell up and medicate. Such desires have side effects. Insisting on seeing someone through a lens of medicated perfection is a distortion of reality. I get it. I kinda liked the old me. But that's how I got here. Medically complex, permanently disabled unless I learn to deal with emotions differently (near as an honest professional will tell me), unable to maintain relationships... unable to maintain jobs... a medicated perfectionism. Oh, you'll be damn strong... miserable, and unstable. You have to deal with the emotions and set boundaries, or you'll drown in pills and anger and there will be no help for you on this earth. So I strongly advise anyone who knew the old me to avoid contact unless I contact you. Oh I'm full of ideas, you made me that way... not all of them are good ones... the local hospitals and I are engaged in some learning... leave it be. Or people as far off as Singapore just might understand the dangers of overprescription and poor boundaries. I like this state. I like it quiet, safe, peaceful. I'm planning to keep it that way... but I need to work with these hospitals, improve my health and hopefully keep them from endangering the population. I especially want to discourage medical professionals yet again from contacting me directly, indirectly, or by soothsayer unless they are on a treatment team... that would be extremely poor judgment. 

Lithuania

A warm hello to my new friends from Lithuania. You cropped up in the past 24 hours. 

So far...

1. US 

2. Netherlands 

3. Singapore

4. China

5. Russia

6. United Kingdom

7. Germany

8. France

9. Hong Kong

10. Canada

11. Sweden

12. Japan

13. India

14. Iran

15. Indonesia 

16. Ireland

17. Australia

18. Lithuania

19. South Korea

20. Other

I have Italian blood. Studied some Spanish, French, Italian. Not familiar with Dutch or German. 

A reminder to the health care professionals of South Carolina: if you aren't being paid to help me, it's best you keep quiet. Some of you are trying to fool with stuff you don't understand. Others want to shut me up. I think it's best we learn from the excesses of Western medicine. Avoid disturbing the community. Allow my mind and body to work this out. 

I'm curious who's joining me from the Netherlands and Lithuania of all places. China is not surprising, but Singapore wasn't my first suspicion. 

Awareness

I'm seeing good signs... the hypersensitivity seems slightly less. My body feels more present. I feel more aware of people around me. Slightly less lost in my mind.

The depression seems milder. The energy a little low but more consistent. The anxiety and anger still seem a little high. Blood pressure still elevated. Heart feels a little wierd with periodic mild chest pain. Allergies... less congestion, more airway constriction, especially in the sinuses. Hands and feet are sensitive. Joints pop a lot. Forehead, gums and face have pain at times. Forehead is changing a little. I can only imagine that the neural networks in the prefrontal cortex are adapting. Some of the bizarre thoughts have faded with some of the more unpredictable physical sensations. Though I think avoiding certain memories and people is still wise. Chronic inflammation from over medicalization, numbedness, lack of processing. I'm rinsing with warm salt water. Some exercise, and continued nutrition and routine... maybe the hospital and I can avoid direct legal action... hopefully avoid threatening each other... seeing as this name is still on a building of thiers... seems rather ugly. Perhaps cooler heads can prevail. Keep people safe, but without excessive force. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. Maybe some of those doctors had good ones, but they need to be careful. They need to maintain independence. Proper boundaries.

Hospital Staff & Relationships

 When you have health problems, relationships can become a challenge. 

    Perhaps the staff at Memorial has misunderstood. Desperation is a dangerous ingredient to the mind. You've known me, for better or for worse, for decades. You brought me out of a coma. You kept me alive. It's the workers on the ground that I appreciate the most. The low-level ones. I did not come there to learn names. I know you well enough. That's the whole damn point. 

    Someone keeps you alive, you tend to remember. It's been a long time since that first coma. 17 years old. 26 years ago. You knew me even before then. Some of you have been there the whole time and are getting ready to retire. So I wrote you the poem. Safe Harbor

Anyways, I mis-learned a bit. That's why I don't want the pills anymore. Just the bare minimum.

Family doesn't like to remember these things. Big surprise.

    But you built me up. Not just one of you.

I just have an issue with misprescribing dinosauric diagnosis addicted docs who lack proper independence.

Rephrase

I wanted to rephrase my mixed messages. I need to understand my mind better. I have decades of history. I need to understand that. My mind is not very clear. I do not wish to cause harm. Anyone that wishes to reach out... this site allows comments. There's an email. I need a break from some of my family. I can't predict the future. Thank you. 

Break in

There may be a few more reasons the hospital gets frustrated. 

I had been there so much. I knew every square inch. That's not good. 

Then. The strange behavior...

The child eats, sits, sleeps.

The communicator talks too much. Tries to make friends. It was her idea. Blame #2. It wasn't me. 

The gatekeeper is cryptic. Sorry, guys, this person is closed. Move Along Please. 

The helper tries to help everyone Well, you know at crisis line we did this and that or have you heard of this resource here? Well, maybe quetiapine isn't right for you?

The solver is thinking... You know, maybe they'll give me another Bipolar again. Man, Another diploma. F'hD. I passed Cyclothymic. I reached both I and II. Or maybe a GAD again? That worries me. 

The continuing is on vacation on the outside. Sorry guys. Need some sun. Got some cooking to do. Love to Chat, On the flip side.

The Protector is acting like security. Uh, Hey fellas we shouldn't be saying that to so and so. Not Cool.

The Unitary is on vacation on the outside (whistling)

They have predictable patterns. I do too. They want me to learn to "advocate". Help myself. Because these functions happen in different pockets of memory in the brain. I've had so much mental manipulation and medication that my memory is divided. When I am in the world, every moment is happening to 8 different pockets. So... Let's say I process about 1/8 or 12.5% as fast as other people. From a ten day of hospital time being charted at 4.5 PPH I can remember the same 12.5% of what happened at any given time. Well, if only two of me were there then technically 6 of me can remember 16.67% of what happened separately and have to confer with both the two playing hooky until the 8 of me agree on what happened.

So, the 8 of me have to chat for a while, figure out what we can do better, consult with the PA and the Counselor, who probably got the same 600 pages of reading material. Then hopefully the Cooperation for the Improvement of Me can develop another battle plan. In case #2 talks our way in again. She's persuasive it seems. Anyways, we need some time to think. Why did I let her talk them into this? Number 7, I'm disappointed in you. I trusted you with her. You let her talk her way into MIP again? REALLY? Dude. Not cool. Man, we need to see other people. C'mon. Dude, you could have... I dunno... The labs did come back abnormal at the ER... But the aceto level was low, CO2 low... Maybe those baby aspirin the internist stopped. White blood cells were off. Something was going on. So now we got tylenol instead. careful with anti-inflammatory drugs. So, I guess we need more neural connections between the pockets of memory. 

So I gotta talk to myself more, until I can remember what I did more clearly. Cuz it's kinda embarrassing. I'm a little worried I may have done something we would regret. You know, like contact someone we cared about. Or say something strange. Or, you know, Say we were thinking of harming someone out of fear. Or, you know, something we did one of the other dozen or so times we were there. It's not clear why we don't talk more. But I hope it gets clearer soon. Because I'm frustrated. I'd like to be more active. I'm trying to be patient. Some activities are a little blocked. 

I go by 8 names. They have natural forms and names and numbers. Like computer Avatars. There was a 9th. The total number is not certain. So the response can vary based on who I am. I worry about the future. I worry because I'm not sure many there are. But there seems to be at least 8 now. So I need to focus on transferring memory and internal communication and getting myself to flow together. 

The Reason Why

So I was thinking. As usual. And I figured out the reason why the hospital staff alternated from confused to amused to frustrated.

I generated 600 pages from one ten day hospitalization. Let me unpack...

600 pages / 10 days = 60 pages of charting/day

60/ 24 = 4.5 PPH (pages pages per hour)

No wonder they were annoyed. 

But i got souvenirs. They were so kind as to mail my counselor a 600 page book of charting to review. She's still working on it. I wonder what I was like? She says it's mostly consistent with what she was told. She and my coffee must be good friends. Coffee is kinda hot. Of course I tell them everything, so they must be meant to be together. I hope they keep in touch. 

Roscasch

 I can never forget the Roscasch Test at MIP. I remember the inkblot that sometimes could be a butterfly. I said I saw "male sexual organs". The Test result came back as "internalized anger". 

See that's where I get frustrated. If you're saying a teenager has internalized anger and they mention sexual organs, you should be flagging that person for abuse, teaching them boundaries, and not diagnosing bipolar or psychosis and chemicalizing them. That simply submerges the issue and then they go out into the world with poor boundaries, and they get in trouble.

I'd really like mental hospitals to be more careful with medication and apply better boundaries with patients, especially young adults. Bipolar doesn't come out of thin air. The symptoms are learned. The behaviors are learned. You can't medicate that away. Putting people on antipsychotics for every little thing is the Psychiatrist's insanity. They see what they want to see in what a patient says. They project their DSM. And then they release chemically numbed patients on society to wreak havoc. Doing that with adults is one thing. Doing that with anyone under the age of 20 is very stupid. Creating mindless zombies with submerged issues is dangerous. Clozaril was taken off the market, put back on. I'd like to see it permanently removed. It will destroy your body if it does not destroy your mind. Permanent disability. Neverending burden on society. That's if the Agranulocytosis doesn't kill you first, then you worry about all the other bodily systems, the submerged issues, etc. These people may not kill themselves. They may still overdose on three medications picked up from CVS within hours of being released, however. So, if you don't kill the patient while they are still in the hospital, they may be dead within days, they may survive years, but even if they do, they will be permanently disabled and a burden on society. That medication makes zero sense. ZERO. At least Seroquel simply numbs you out. Not quite as dangerous. And the ER and ICU staff tends to resent caring for OD'd patients from local mental hospitals. I don't blame them. 

Springbrook

 I was thinking about Springbrook. There were problems. 

The nursing staff was incredibly gossipy and HIPPA was violated every single day. It was revolting. Something is interesting. Something's hearing is too good. But they need something to talk about, I guess. Awareness is helpful. But mindless gossip teaches the wrong things. It actually encourages Mindlessness. If you don't know what you're talking about, don't talk about someone in the building. You teach the wrong things. 

The male attending psychiatrist needs sensitivity training. It's disgusting to see a man standing his workplace, literally in the middle of a public patient area, unloading about one of his patients to a staff member. Absolutely appalling. It's appalling when you lie to patient's face. Claiming to know a family member that you simply do not know is just stupid. Not helpful. And unethical. Attendings get desensitized. They say weird things. One blonde resident they used simply to pass on lies. It wasn't helpful. Using a resident because she is attractive is not helpful. It sends the wrong messages. And it was sad to see her get used like that.  Another two were very insightful, but one allowed a gabapentin prescription that decreased awareness in the subject and disinhibited behavior. It was not continued. Gabapentin is dangerous. The other got pulled into manipulations from different persons. She must be tired. The male resident was too smart to be pulled into the bullshit. He let the blonde be used. It was sad. Doctors should not be used based on appearance. 

The head social worker made an incredibly inappropriate speech. It was disgusting. Going on and on about her qualifications and being an LPC and this is how you do this and that... Way beyond her qualification level for teaching a large group of patients. Dangerous to try to teach so much personal information to a group of people. Not relevant to the situation at hand. LPCs are not meant to try to have a group counseling session in a hospital setting. She may have had Knowitall Personality Disorder. But she doesn't normally do groups. She shouldn't try. She tried teaching a lot of nonsense, a handful of realistic skills mixed in. But then patients will remember which parts? Dangerous to go freestyle in a group setting. 

What I do appreciate is that the nutritional options actually seemed better then MIP. Less education but better options. Also, the staff was observant when I was placed on gabapentin, which can actually be worse than benzodiazepines because it disinhibits and can increase dissociation. When someone with a trauma disorder is placed on gabapentin, it can change behavior dramatically. It decreases awareness dramatically. It is not safe for Dissociative disorders. Not safe at all. If Dissociative disorders have a cause other than real life trauma, I think medications like minipress and gabapentin would be it. Dangerous stuff. I was on a very high dose of both at different times. Now I have DID. Gabapentin is one of the worst. All sorts of psychological issues and phantom physical symptoms. It's guide lined for nerve pain and seizures but was used improperly for bipolar and is sometimes used for anxiety (GAD). Very dangerous. GABA supplements are available over the counter. They affect the same system. I try to take them only at night for sleep. Not during the day when my mind is active and my body too. They help with stress and pain but disinhibit behavior, cause drowsiness, decrease awareness. Best for when you're sleeping. Melatonin helps with that too. Inositol (B8). Natural, non-chemically modified.

Arson

Arson is the only attending I still know. Arson doesn't like Ashes and Dust very much. It reminds him of the failures of himself and his colleagues. The Medication Mania and Medicalized Depression they created. Then the staff is constantly having to sweep me up off the floor. He finds Rain depressing, then he develops Seasonal Affective Disorder. He's rather paranoid of Shadows. Afraid of Spiders. Unaware of Bob. Gets control issues with Gatekeepers. OCD like. Why is it always locked? Where's my key? He can't find Diamonds anywhere, so at least he can't steal them. Sometimes he talks to the Skye. As if the Skye is listening. He's not great with reflection, but I think he has projection mastered. But he needs Reinforcement. Sound a buzzer, maybe someone is listening. Send Small in, she's pretty, he'll listen to her. BUZZ! Wrongo. He's still working on extinction. He's been dipping into the regression. Now he's reaching for substance use, but it's not coming to him. He's running short on patients. He's looking a little tired, so maybe he needs to give it a rest. Perhaps he needs more Reflection. Just not from me. He doesn't like the picture.

Watching the Bed

 So apparently, I was wrong. I apologize. The 600 pages of documentation were not my entire record from that hospital. The 600 pages were the records of one ten day stay.

Now it's becoming clearer. This is why MIP went on and on about "watching the bed" and how much it cost to "watch the bed". That bed must be fascinating.

I guess understanding ethics is more complicated. Because what Malacheck, Prichards, Arson, Tott, Dolyart, Groans, and Rippit did or did not do back in the 90s with DSM Mania and Medicalized Depression, made them seem rather Bipolar to me. But maybe that's projection. Maybe I'm having Seasonal Disaffection. I used to like MIP, but that's back when we were both afraid of my father and I had hospital insurance, which not only paid better but it was their own insurance, so it was easier for them. When you have the government insurance, your popularity drops like a rock. It pays worse in general, doesn't cover the fancy patented drugs as well, and it has limits on how long you can stay and in certain situations if standards are not met, the hospital doesn't get paid at all. Damn that accountability. So frustrating when people get held accountable. Now we have to keep such detailed records, and people actually look at them... Of course, it motivates the hospital to provide worse food, more processed food, and food that comes in wrappers. God forbid you have government insurance and dietary needs. Ooooh does that ever piss them off. Never mind proper nutrition, drug them up, threaten them, teach them nonsense, don't coordinate, and throw them out. Fantastic. What are you teaching these people? How are you helping? Give me social workers and nutritionists, they teach me stuff I can use. Real world stuff. The nutrition education was excellent, the social workers (all three) did well, but i'm disappointed in the doctors and techs. Not the one that worked with me. The old guard doctors and loose mouthed techs. The dumbest shit I heard came from patients and techs. The patients were an ethics cesspool at times. Staff needs to correct them.

Legal Threats

 I'm thinking that maybe we're learning together. Me, the 600-page hospital, and the one next door. They seem a little nervous when I come visit. I was there only 6 minutes before appointment time and I had the code, but instead they had a security guard at the parking lot and no keypad lock. 

I'm just glad the PA is not one of them. The old guard. I'm really disappointed in the old guard. Because I idolized my father. And he worked next door. And it seemed they didn't have proper independence. Diagnosis salad. First the adhd because I didn't learn fast enough. Then the depression because I was a disappointment. Then the bipolar because I pushed too hard and because psychosis was a convenient way to bury abuse red flags. Aspergers because of sensory integration issues and communication issues that came from fear and lack of trust plus isolation. 

We're also learning about threats. A good way to avoid having patients threaten lawsuits and mailing out 600 pages of documentation is to not threaten them with restraining orders in the ER merely for showing up. I don't mind the security guards, the nurses... seems like the technicians have particularly loose mouths though. Do they ever stop talking? I guess they get bored. Maybe I'm oversensitive. Maybe they get tired of running around. But I really don't need to hear about it. I guess I feel that a hospital is not meant for excessive complaining. I feel like I prefer talking about the necessary and otherwise sticking to the weather and stuff people like chatting about. 

So, we've learned about excessive diagnoses, excessive medication, the importance of nutrition... Now we're learning about independence, not making threats, and respect. And I'm learning that too much electrolyte water can push up your BP too high. Never mind salt. Electrolyte water or gatorade. I retain water that way. Oh, the internist will be so proud. Got off Clozaril, my pulse went down, my body retained less water because it wasn't having the metabolism pumped up and the kidneys filtering the blood so much. So, I started drinking the electrolyte water to retain moisture and nutrients in the system. Now the propranolol keeps the heart rate slightly lower than that and the moisture stays in. So, I'm going to try less electrolyte solution in the water. I don't even use salt that much to start. But the almonds I like, I sometimes get salted ones. So I'll need to be careful about combining electrolyte water and salty foods. My BP shoots up. I don't know how magnesium complex or Zinc would affect that. But the inositol that Artstick recommended is great... hydrozine works decently. I really liked Artstick. Small was sweet but fairly useless. Contendon seemed intelligent. Gullet could barely look at me, but I don't trust the attendings anymore. 

rTMS

So I thought I'd maybe try to think about something a little less edgy. Because Malachecks death has been on my mind. You know, I uh, did appreciate Austen Riggs. They were very strict on medications. The most dangerous incident involved a woman pulling a knife on another woman over a man. She was permanently removed. 

But then I got thinking about rTMS. Ah the new ECT. No more lightning bolt. Magnetic waves. They had to stop. The VNS was picking up the magnetic pulses. That may have been what caused the malfunction when the wire in my chest heated up. After that I stopped fiddling with the magnet so much. Leave well enough alone.

There are some very good people that work in Healthcare. Who care very much. Who respect boundaries. I appreciate them very much. I hope they know that. I hope they remember.

Commercial Break...

 We'll be right back after these few lawsuits...

Broke

Well I'm going for broke. Cuz I am broke. in every sense of the word. I know my words too.

Got fucked over a good bit. But I'm back up for more. Just gotta go easy. I very much would like to survive this. So. I'm trying to recover my sense of humor. This has been really dark. I'm trying to remember the late Robin Williams. He knew how to laugh. I'm trying to remember. I'm trying to remember. 

Leaves of September.

I have to find something inside myself other then a mindfucked ... darkness.

I can still make people laugh. it's just hard to do it myself. Prichards and I need a word on that. Before I start calling McClean for a reservation. God as my witness... dead or alive... whether I live or die that man will stand in court of law and defend himself. I got your records jackass. I'm coming. Bury me? they said at CCBH. They said Ashes? Bury him. You're coming too, Prichards. I swear to God. You're gonna pay for what you did. You whole fucking lot. The cleaning crew is coming fellas. Make way.

Malacheck

So I found out earlier this year that Malacheck died. Yeah, Malacheck was an MD at some 600 page hospital... yeah Malacheck worked there in the nineties... He worked with Prichards... they was partners... and they knew that fella that was yellin at me last month... he was one of their partners... and they all worked together in the nineties... that fella has a big mouth... he should take his vacation days... think about his life choices... Because I'm getting rather pissed off... and some hospital just sent me 600 pages of names, dates, medications... all that crap... any hospital employee working somewhere that just sent me 600 pages of names and dates and facts should take their vacation days, think about their life choices, and shut their damn traps... because i'm getting pissed off...

But back to Malacheck... you see he worked with Prichards down yonder... then they went off and they had a practice not far... that was before Prichards went solo...

But Malacheck was in charge of my care at the 600 page hospital... he was making speeches promoting drugs... he found this one called gapapentin... he put me on it for Bipolar Disorder... shortly thereafter the company making gabapentin got sued. Yeah you see they were promoting gabapentin for Bipolar with flimsy numbers... they got in trouble... govt said they had to stop...

This is what troubles me about these doctors... back in the 90s the thinking was a bit more primitive... Bipolar was all the rage... that suck it up man it up attitude... drug it away... I was a minor. I was a child. 

But Malacheck, well he must have thought that was just fine, because he stopped practicing to go around making more speeches promoting these drugs.. oh he made some good money on other fucking people's suffering... yes... that's what worries me about these pills...

Strange thing is... I heard about malacheck just this year... seems he was off on vacation... some substance was involved... death under mysterious circumstances... they are not sure exactly what happened...

One of these days I might just have to ask Prichards, possibly under oath, so maybe evidence should not destroyed, because this is getting damned suspicious... What happened to Malacheck? What did he know about me? Tell me Prichards, are you sure about what you did? ARE YOU SO STUPID THAT YOU ARE STILL OUT THERE PEDDLING DRUGS?

Prichards, I think you should take some time off. Visit your family. And I'll see you in court. And you can explain the bipolar bullshit and the drugs, the offlabels, the medical board, just you and me Prichards... I want Leaves to be there... to see you explain how reckless you were with those drugs... how much danger you placed people into... TAKE YOUR DAMN VACATION DAYS. Spend time with your family. You're going to be in a courtroom. Malacheck can't make it. Unfortunately, he's dead. But maybe your 600 page hospital friends will be there... maybe the ones that SCDHEC HAD TO TALK TO... take your damn vacation days people... think about what you're doing... and I'll see you in court. Anyone who has the stupid idea in their head of undue influence or obstruction of justice... be very careful what you do... some things are criminal. There are jails for that. I hear so much as a whisper of improper conduct, it will be recorded, and people will be held accountable. To the full extent of the law. You know who you are. You are forcing me to do this. It didn't have to be this ugly. I will let the records and the experts speak. You have been warned. No contact. No obstruction. You've already dug yourselves a hole. Even if I die, the records remain. And if anything should happen to me, I'm instructing my professionals to find the people responsible and hold them accountable. To the full extent of the law.

Dreams

A few days after I got out of the hospital where people were verbally attacking my counselor, I had me a dream.

I picked me up the phone.

"Yes? McClean? It's Ashes and Dust, remember me? Oh, you know, runnin' around. Say, I have a technician that threatened my counselor. Would you have a room available? The Mood Disorders and Psychotic Suite, please. A year? Oh no, this one's not that strong. Let's say three weeks. Yes. Crappiest food in the house. You know the drill. You can put her in the room next to Prichards and my brother. All the happy pills she wants. Hold the benzos. Every now and then, would you open the unit door so she can see the outside? Give her a chance to run. Not too far. Allow her to flood the bathtub, if you would. I'd appreciate if you could keep an extra room available, in case any other family members or health care professionals need an ethics refresher... forgettin thier boundaries, that kinda thing. I might have a moment of conscience. Y'all taught me well. You know, on how to destroy people. By the way, Prichards wrote, said he's lost weight. Could you double his Clozaril? Oh, no, none for me thanks. Say hello to Conner for me. I know he'll take good care of my people... what's left of them."

I get frustrated with people who threaten other people or attempt to force medicate them. I get frustrated when professionals sabotage others or endanger the community. It's happened a time or two. I have a few hangups. I hope they have all taken the time to reflect upon thier actions and rethink thier lives. I'd hate to have to sue someone.  It's nasty business. I'd hate to have to speak to the Governor again. Especially about family members. But I can if someone forces me to. Rather easily, it seems. I'd rather prefer to let the governor focus on the good people of this state, not the dumbshits who can't keep thier traps shut and think they're too good for a hard lesson. Those dumb shits better let me hear them so much as whisper. Bad idea, dumb shits. Bad idea.

Public Service Announcement

Thank you for tuning into DarknessUntilDawn...

I'd like to give a message from our usual Sponsors... the CDC, SCDHEC, ETC...

Do not try this at home. After reading this message, click on "Personal Thoughts", "Medical", "Musical Diagnoses" and read the problem list. I literally took it right off a discharge summary. 

If you are a patient, think about how carefully you take your medication, and how sick you want to be...

If you have the power to prescribe... think about how sick you want your patients to be. Keep in mind those DEA numbers on your pads. They are there for a reason.

If you are a health care professional... Keep HIPPA in mind when you work. Keep your patients' well-being in mind. Don't screw around with other professionals. Maintain independence.

I've been thinking about South Carolina a lot. How it was. How it's changing. This is why I'd like people to tune into Poetry and "Carolina Drugs". Because I don't want South Carolina to be that way. I want a clean and calm state. One in which drug use is just something that is not actually real. Where pills are hard to find. Where it is just a story. This should be a place where sirens are uncommon. A place with trees and sunshine. The Palmetto state.