Maybe this paranoia thing isn't so bad. 🤔 My social life hasn't been incredibly successful recently anyways. Maybe this gives me the space to actually refocus myself.

Dear God,

    I've been tested. I have failed here and there, as you know, but this is getting a little ridiculous. Please grant the health care professionals the wisdom and the humility they need to stop pushing Bipolar narratives and narratives about other professionals. I think they're getting there, but they may need some help, especially if my family is feeding them false narratives. 

    Grant the Health Department of the good State of South Carolina the wisdom it needs to stop wasting time and resources dealing with this little circus. To see that it does not help anyone. To see that if the doctors simply open their ears and close their mouths, they might save themselves some time and grief. Grant them the wisdom and the patience to keep my medicine filled. Thank you for the things that help me be what you intended and to follow your plan. Thank you for the strength, patience, and fortitude to wade through this nonsense. I really don't enjoy making people miserable. Maybe a few less surprises?

    Grant my family the wisdom and serenity to stop this nonsense. Thank you for showing me the way to a job that I seem to enjoy, as humble as it is. Thank you for inspiring me to write stories and poems. Help me to avoid misplacing trust as I have done with numerous individuals. Grant me peace and a quiet life. 

    Help people see beyond all these labels and beyond all the narratives and beyond all the symptoms to see that I am a person just like them. Just someone finding their way. Help me to focus on what I am good at and being me. Help people see that I am on the path, even though I cannot predict the future. Help them see that this has not been fun for me either. 

    Help me keep my calm and serenity. Help me find my humor and cheer. Keep us all safe and not at each other's throats. 

Amen

P.S. I think we're all getting there but I'm not sure, so maybe check in from time to time? I'll be in touch.

 

Vlad's attit a'genn. Taunting di seagulls. Dat bat will nebber lern. 

Connecting the Dots

 

    At least the hospital is finally learning when enough is enough. If certain other people would finally take a hint, mind their own damn business, and stay out of my healthcare, a lot of people could breathe a little easier, not least of all me. I hate to have to consider legal remedies. It's not pleasant. I still have that one friend that works in the health department. Though we haven't talked in a long time. I've had to close a few doors. I can't afford more setbacks. Trust is a risk. 

    I had a good talk with the healthcare team and adjusted emergency contacts. I'm not going to sign any further releases. It's time I learned my lesson. Some people will never give up. They'll shoot themselves in the foot to spite their patient, or their family, or whoever they feel they need to control. My life needs to feel a little less like a game of Healthcare Clue. If some people would just get a clue. I can't keep grinding the same stones. I don't have the energy or the desire. Then they wonder why I need a counselor. Brilliant. She's the one that helped me start writing the funny stories that make me feel good. She's the one that stopped Prichards. She's the one that cleans up the hospital's mess. She is the firewall.

    Anyways. The medication really seems to be in a good groove. The driving feels peaceful, and I'm enjoying my writing, when I get the inspiration. I've got a number of projects and the occasional poem going. 

    It's funny how the little things bring me back into tune. The ticking of a clock, the chirping of birds, the whirring of a fan. Every day has regularity now. Even the cat has a routine. Maybe I'll try to paint something. It will probably still look like a little kid's painting, but I enjoy it anyways. 

    I got tired of Gone with the Wind. Maybe I'll try reading a hardcopy at some point. The audio book is harder to follow. My sample of Cold Mountain ran out, but so far The Black Flower is good and somewhat similar. 

    Just every time I think of this healthcare monkey business, I get annoyed. I need to forget. Life shouldn't feel like a war. 

    I want to write something playful and funny. Like Tales of the Attick. 

    I've got more deliveries later. I have to finish that tax business. I'll actually get a little more back than I expected, because of a previous math error. I'm debating keeping my Taser in my vehicle because I drive to isolated areas sometimes. 

    I do need to relax a little. When I'm not in defense mode, I can actually be fun. Just last night someone asked me a question, and I was so businesslike. Granted, I was working, but still... some cheerfulness loosens things up. I've been getting some tension from driving so much and worrying. I need to do some stretches and relax. Enjoy life. No more healthcare whack-a-mole.