Dating and Autism

     The other day, someone suggested to me that I should date someone with autism. I have to say the idea rather horrified me. The idea of putting together two people with poor social skills seems like a recipe for disaster. I said I'd rather date someone with ADHD. ADHD seems easier to handle. Autism can be rough. Better yet, I wish I could date someone in healthcare (not one of my professionals). They just seem to understand better, but they still have enough social skills that they can lead the way when I cannot. 

    I hope someday to find someone, but I don't plan to look for autistic people as dating partners. If I meet someone that is a good fit and has autism, then great. But I'm not about to go around looking for autism as if that's something on a checklist. I think people in a couple need to complement each other's strengths and weaknesses, not reinforce them. I'd hope to meet someone with better social skills or at least skills that complement my own, not reinforce my weaknesses. 

ADHD

     ADHD was my first. I have the dreamy subtype, mild. Other people, they have the hyperactive subtype and are much more active than I am. It was originally thought to be almost exclusively male and something that was grown out of. Now we know that those are both false conclusions, though it's more common in males.

    There's plenty of resources on the subject, so I won't go into much detail. One of the lesser understood symptoms (per my experience) is Mult focusing: focusing on multiple tasks at once, such as watching tv while working or listening to the radio while working. Sometimes, having stimulation in the background, particularly if you also have CAPD (central auditory processing disorder, which is highly comorbid), actually helps you to focus better rather than more poorly. 

Autism Spectrum in the context of Trauma and Mild ADHD

    Autism Spectrum (AS) is a difference in neurological functioning not incredibly different from ADHD and related to Central Auditory Processing Disorder (CAPD). Persons with mild AS have distinct differences in communication styles, great difficulty dealing with sensory stimulation, struggle with disruption to routine, and tend to high intelligence. Analytical thinking is strong and the ability for self-regulation and small talk is low. 

    These individuals do well in environments where coregulation is possible (emotional tuning of a group of individuals in concert). Self-play or solo work is common. High levels of analytical thinking result in increased ability in creative endeavors and academics (with proper support), particularly high mathematical aptitude. 

    Coregulation is one tool used in the therapies for AS. The leader is able to "dance a dance" with the other members, stepping in and out fluidly to provide hint and suggestion. Reassurances for moments of anxiety, calm for tension, energy for apathy, empathy for anger... a steady and continuous tempo that provides a consistent and reliable guide to allow the AS affected individual to manage sensory integration issues and maintain eye contact and consistency in the emotional connection that could otherwise be chaotic (including verbal or physical aggression in moments of confusion or tension) or absent almost entirely. 

    Whereas ADHD (which, like CAPD, has a fairly high rate of comorbidity) involves difficulty initiating and maintaining focus and often involves Mult focusing (multitasking), such as watching TV while performing cognitive tasks, AS is primarily a sensory integration issue. The sensory information is interpreted by the brain as chaotic and intense. 

    Persons with AS can be interpreted to have a childlike interpretation of the world, a decreased concern for money, a lack of understanding of other person's emotions (particularly in how they affect other people), and high emotional volatility. At times they can become nonverbal, and struggle to grasp the proper cadence of interaction, with poor management of boundaries and a lack of awareness or understanding, surprised by the emotional reactions of others. There is a disconnect that can appear cold when the person is overwhelmed or processing at a different rate than others. The lack of emotional attunement demands more time to respond to others, sometimes making interaction seem start and stop or cause a complete breakdown in communication. Persons with AS can play for hours or work for hours in isolation. "Own little world" is very characteristic, whereas ADHD, even inattentive, tends to manifest as more interactive and less disconnected.