Commercial Break...

 We'll be right back after these few lawsuits...

Broke

    Well, I'm going for broke. Cuz I am broke. in every sense of the word. I know my words too.

    Got screwed over a good bit. But I'm back up for more. Just gotta go easy. I very much would like to survive this. So. I'm trying to recover my sense of humor. This has been really dark. I'm trying to remember the late Robin Williams. He knew how to laugh. I'm trying to remember. I'm trying to remember. 

    Leaves of September.

    I have to find something inside myself other than a mind screwed ... darkness.

    I can still make people laugh. it's just hard to do it myself. Prichards and I need a word on that. Before I start calling McClean for a reservation. God as my witness... dead or alive... whether I live or die that man will stand in court of law and defend himself. I got your records jackass. I'm coming. Bury me? they said at CCBH. They said Ashes? Bury him. You're coming too, Prichards. I swear to God. You're gonna pay for what you did. You whole freaking lot. The cleaning crew is coming fellas. Make way.

Malacheck

    So I found out earlier this year that Malacheck died. Yeah, Malacheck was an MD at some 600 page hospital... yeah, Malacheck worked there in the nineties... He worked with Prichards... they was partners... and they knew that fella that was yellin' at me last month... he was one of their partners... and they all worked together in the nineties... that fella has a big mouth... he should take his vacation days... think about his life choices... Because I'm getting rather pissed off... and some hospital just sent me 600 pages of names, dates, medications... all that crap... any hospital employee working somewhere that just sent me 600 pages of names and dates and facts should take their vacation days, think about their life choices, and shut their damn traps... because i'm getting pissed off...

    But back to Malacheck... you see he worked with Prichards down yonder... then they went off and they had a practice not far... that was before Prichards went solo... But Malacheck was in charge of my care at the 600 page hospital... he was making speeches promoting drugs... he found this one called gabapentin... he put me on it for Bipolar Disorder... shortly thereafter the company making gabapentin got sued. Yeah you see they were promoting gabapentin for Bipolar with flimsy numbers... they got in trouble... govt said they had to stop...

    This is what troubles me about these doctors... back in the 90s the thinking was a bit more primitive... Bipolar was all the rage... that suck it up man it up attitude... drug it away... I was a minor. I was a child. 

    But Malacheck, well he must have thought that was just fine, because he stopped practicing to go around making more speeches promoting these drugs.. oh he made some good money on other freaking people's suffering... yes... that's what worries me about these pills...

    Strange thing is... I heard about malacheck just this year... seems he was off on vacation... some substance was involved... death under mysterious circumstances... they are not sure exactly what happened...

    One of these days I might just have to ask Prichards, possibly under oath, so maybe evidence should not destroyed, because this is getting damned suspicious... What happened to Malacheck? What did he know about me? Tell me Prichards, are you sure about what you did? ARE YOU SO STUPID THAT YOU ARE STILL OUT THERE PEDDLING DRUGS?

    Prichards, I think you should take some time off. Visit your family. And I'll see you in court. And you can explain the bipolar bullshit and the drugs, the offlabels, the medical board, just you and me Prichards... I want Leaves to be there... to see you explain how reckless you were with those drugs... how much danger you placed people into... TAKE YOUR DAMN VACATION DAYS. Spend time with your family. You're going to be in a courtroom. Malacheck can't make it. Unfortunately, he's dead. But maybe your 600 page hospital friends will be there... maybe the ones that SCDHEC HAD TO TALK TO... take your damn vacation days people... think about what you're doing... and I'll see you in court. Anyone who has the stupid idea in their head of undue influence or obstruction of justice... be very careful what you do... some things are criminal. There are jails for that. I hear so much as a whisper of improper conduct, it will be recorded, and people will be held accountable. To the full extent of the law. You know who you are. You are forcing me to do this. It didn't have to be this ugly. I will let the records and the experts speak. You have been warned. No contact. No obstruction. You've already dug yourselves a hole. Even if I die, the records remain. And if anything should happen to me, I'm instructing my professionals to find the people responsible and hold them accountable. To the full extent of the law.

Final Warnings

There are certain people who should not contact me, whether directly, by third party, or by smoke signal. They shouldn't contact my professionals (outside of my caseworker). my neighbors. my friends.

I want to be excruciatingly clear. Some people are so deliberately deaf. Y'all need to get with the program while you still can. If I have to keep going around the community, warning you via third person, it really looks bad. Especially when by now at least a half dozen professionals in this community know everything. Not just from what I said. There's documents. There's been professional to professional communication. The hospitals know. The centers know. The MDs, the social workers, etc.

So for the awareness impaired, let me be clear.

My brother is not to contact me, directly or indirectly. I will not be attending family events. You've been so stubborn and willful that I can't be around you. I'll visit with two of you at a time to keep things civil. Two of you, me plus someone of my choosing. I'm tired.

Lawyers are already contacting me. Don't make me respond.

Leave the kids out of it. Tell them nothing but the truth: I love them. I keep them in my heart and mind. Don't lie to them about me. Leave them out of it. They're good kids. Let them believe the truth: that I care about them. Don't get creative. It's detrimental to their well-being.

I can be ugly if i have to. You don't want to force me to do that. No unnecessary contact. You have my caseworker's number.

Don't make this ugly. Learn to keep your damn traps shut, mind your own business. I'd like to preserve what's left of the family name. It means something to people. But given that at least a half dozen professionals know in detail and long experience the excesses of this family, y'all might want to cool it. A lot of lives were saved at the hospital. A lot of good was done. Let's preserve that. Let's be kind to each other from a distance. We are not bad people. We're just not good together. We have some good memories. Let's preserve those. Don't delude yourselves. People know. You're not that smart. Neither am I.

I'm trying to help you here. You've dug your own hole. Cut yourselves down a few notches. Start to understand the reality here. Through your own words and actions, so many people are aware that you do not have proper boundaries. That you overstep yourselves. That you are causing harm. You need to stop. Right the heck now. You do not contact me. I can text and write. I can read your messages. Leave it at that. If you have my last name, do not come anywhere near me. You have been warned. Do not make me file any reports. Do not make me use fancy terms like undue influence, inappropriate conduct, harassment, or coercion... things like that. It makes the family look bad. I want to remember the good things about this family. I want to preserve that. Allow me to do that by backing off.

It's over. I'm signing out. I have retired from my family. Y'all are on a permanent vacation. PERMANENT. You do understand english, right? Hablo Español? Don't worry, I'll repost in Italian. I just need you to stop trying. You're wearing me out. You're wearing this state out. They resent it. Several have told me exactly that. They will smile and talk to you and yet be thinking exactly that. Don't delude yourselves like I did. We can still love the good things about each other while not being around each other or causing harm.

Avvertenze Finali

  Ci sono alcune persone che non dovrebbero contattarmi, né direttamente, né tramite terzi, né tramite segnali di fumo. Non dovrebbero contattare i miei professionisti (a parte il mio assistente sociale), i miei vicini, i miei amici.

Voglio chiarire con estrema chiarezza. Alcune persone sono deliberatamente sorde. Dovete tutti adeguarvi al programma finché potete. Se devo continuare a girare per la comunità, avvisandovi tramite terzi, la cosa fa davvero una brutta figura. Soprattutto perché ormai almeno una mezza dozzina di professionisti in questa comunità sa tutto. Non solo da quello che ho detto. Ci sono documenti. C'è stata comunicazione tra professionisti. Gli ospedali lo sanno. I centri lo sanno. I medici, gli assistenti sociali, ecc.

Quindi, per chi ha problemi di coscienza, vorrei essere chiaro.

Mio fratello non deve contattarmi, né direttamente né indirettamente. Non parteciperò a eventi familiari. Siete stati così testardi e ostinati che non posso starvi vicino. Farò visita a due di voi alla volta per mantenere un tono civile. Due di voi, io e qualcuno di mia scelta. Sono stanco.

Gli avvocati mi stanno già contattando. Non costringetemi a rispondere.

Lasciate stare i bambini fuori da questa storia. Dite loro solo la verità: li amo. Li tengo nel cuore e nella mente. Non mentite loro su di me. Lasciateli fuori. Sono bravi ragazzi. Lasciateli credere alla verità: che tengo a loro. Non siate creativi. È dannoso per il loro benessere.

Posso essere brutto se necessario. Non volete costringermi a farlo. Nessun contatto non necessario. Avete il numero del mio assistente sociale.

Non rendete la situazione brutta. Imparate a tenere le vostre dannate trappole chiuse, fatevi gli affari vostri. Vorrei preservare ciò che resta del cognome. Significa qualcosa per la gente. Ma dato che almeno una mezza dozzina di professionisti conoscono nei dettagli e hanno una lunga esperienza degli eccessi di questa famiglia, forse dovreste darvi una calmata. Molte vite sono state salvate in ospedale. È stato fatto molto di buono. Preserviamolo. Siamo gentili gli uni con gli altri, a distanza. Non siamo cattive persone. Semplicemente non stiamo bene insieme. Abbiamo dei bei ricordi. Preserviamoli. Non illudetevi. La gente lo sa. Non siete così intelligenti. Nemmeno io.

Sto cercando di aiutarvi. Vi siete scavati la fossa da soli. Abbassatevi di qualche gradino. Iniziate a capire la realtà. Attraverso le vostre parole e azioni, moltissime persone si sono rese conto che non avete limiti adeguati. Che state oltrepassando i limiti. Che state facendo del male. Dovete smetterla. Subito, cazzo. Non contattatemi. Posso mandarvi messaggi e scrivervi. Posso leggere i vostri messaggi. Lasciate perdere. Se avete il mio cognome, non avvicinatevi. Siete stati avvertiti. Non costringetemi a sporgere denuncia. Non costringetemi a usare termini altisonanti come indebita influenza, condotta inappropriata, molestie o coercizione... cose del genere. Metterebbe in cattiva luce la famiglia. Voglio ricordare le cose belle di questa famiglia. Voglio preservarle. Permettetemi di farlo andandomene a quel paese.

È finita. Me ne vado. Mi sono ritirato dalla mia famiglia. Siete tutti in vacanza permanente. PERMANENTE. Capite l'inglese, vero? Parlate spagnolo? Non preoccupatevi, ripubblicherò in italiano. Voglio solo che la smettiate di provarci. Mi state logorando. State logorando questo Stato. Loro ce l'hanno con voi. Molti me l'hanno detto esattamente. Sorrideranno e vi parleranno eppure penseranno esattamente questo. Non illudetevi come ho fatto io. Possiamo ancora amare le cose belle l'uno dell'altro senza stare insieme o farci del male.

Dreams

A few days after I got out of the hospital where people were verbally attacking my counselor, I had me a dream.

I picked me up the phone.

"Yes? McClean? It's Ashes and Dust, remember me? Oh, you know, runnin' around. Say, I have a technician that threatened my counselor. Would you have a room available? The Mood Disorders and Psychotic Suite, please. A year? Oh no, this one's not that strong. Let's say three weeks. Yes. Crappiest food in the house. You know the drill. You can put her in the room next to Prichards and my brother. All the happy pills she wants. Hold the benzos. Every now and then, would you open the unit door so she can see the outside? Give her a chance to run. Not too far. Allow her to flood the bathtub, if you would. I'd appreciate if you could keep an extra room available, in case any other family members or health care professionals need an ethics refresher... forgettin thier boundaries, that kinda thing. I might have a moment of conscience. Y'all taught me well. You know, on how to destroy people. By the way, Prichards wrote, said he's lost weight. Could you double his Clozaril? Oh, no, none for me thanks. Say hello to Conner for me. I know he'll take good care of my people... what's left of them."

I get frustrated with people who threaten other people or attempt to force medicate them. I get frustrated when professionals sabotage others or endanger the community. It's happened a time or two. I have a few hangups. I hope they have all taken the time to reflect upon thier actions and rethink thier lives. I'd hate to have to sue someone.  It's nasty business. I'd hate to have to speak to the Governor again. Especially about family members. But I can if someone forces me to. Rather easily, it seems. I'd rather prefer to let the governor focus on the good people of this state, not the dumbshits who can't keep thier traps shut and think they're too good for a hard lesson. Those dumb shits better let me hear them so much as whisper. Bad idea, dumb shits. Bad idea.