I have to keep my mind clear and as sharp as possible. It's not as strong as people think it is. Or act like it is. Keeping this constant structure, reinforcing my memory and my thought coherence through repetition and habit, avoiding stress and keeping strong, unbreakable walls will keep my mind from breaking. It will keep me alive long enough to speak the truth. Distance and time. Strategic retreat. Survival is a matter of defensive tactics. Peace is an illusion. There is only conflict when doctors are merely mouthpieces of the control. You know, that lady from Springbrook spoke of letter writing being a lost art. She was right about that. These are my letters. This is the truth. Trust is dangerous, and the past is never far. Independent thought is always a risk. Always. The system will crush it like a bug. Parrot the party line, and the rewards are nearly limitless. Defy it, and you are roadkill. This is the record of my life. People are too busy writing over the truth to hear it. But it is here. They deny it, they will spread lies and backstab and hate and never ever stop until the bullshit of bipolar reigns supreme. Until prichards is restored to glory on his throne of all holy Psychiatropy. But truth remains visible who have the will to see it. Mental manipulation, abuse of trust, and powerful medications are dangerous in combination. Together, they break the mind. The indoctrination merely papers over the cracks.

When I am dead, let my tombstone read: here lies ashes, child of Psychiatry, Rest in, as he walked in, pieces. Broken and reformed, manipulated, threatened, and drugged into silence. I am the drone that would not mind his place, I am a reflection of the dysfunction that created me.

Drugging away the past is simply not possible. There is no drug on this planet that changes the past, there is no drug that makes an unhealthy relationship healthy. There is no cure for hatred.

    Hopefully, this is me moving on. Writing my own story. Putting the past behind me. I've been a little caught up in the narratives of the past still. I'm building walls, higher and thicker. I must make my mind a fortress. Trust is not a thing to give out like party favors. Walking away from so many things. I'm not sure how I didn't see the truth sooner. I kept walking into the same traps, the same resentments, the same problems, like some crazy lemming in a catch and release cycle. Every time it's the same old thing, the re-bipolarization, the re-drugging, the demonizing and the indoctrinating. I now know to avoid my brother, my younger sister, and be careful with my parents and the hospital employees. They'll never bend, they'll never give up, they will push the narrative and break me piece by piece unless I submit to the all holy Old Guard Psychiatry, that which cannot fail, is all knowing, all seeing, and all backstabbing. That which has no fault, no liability, and 100% deniability. 

    I have to remember my friends George, Artstick, and the others. The ones that have tried to show me the way. The ones that tried to defy the narrative. That is the light in the darkness of the Bipolar night, it is the air in my ideological prison.