I remain at home in contemplation, having applied to several jobs and done all my medical and self care. I feel like some meditative reflection is beneficial. I regret taking needing time away, but I still feel the need to slow this down. I reached God in McClean, I can reach him here too. Just me and him. And the cat. I feel like too many influences is just as bad as idle hands... its the devil's workshop.

Plan for Discussing Psychedelics

    I do have a plan for discussing psychedelics in full. I'm working on a draft to explain how I think that they can help society, as I have seen them help others and myself. And I will not be the demonized one while others are celebrated for the successful use of psychedelic therapy to change their lives. 

    That is my message here. That we must move beyond limited thinking and better use psychedelics to improve mental health. I am determined to bring positive change. I will not be a martyr. I too will demonstrate the power of recovery, the power of more advanced thinking in mental health. Ketamine changed my life. It changed the way I see the world dramatically. 

    These drugs have enormous untapped potential. If we simply learn how to use them better, we can do more. I will not be a slave to lies about myself or the people who have helped me. I will not allow the community to insult the work of so many to benefit the prejudices of the few. I will not allow the Bipolar Bullshit to continue unaddressed. The Truth will come out, so long as I am alive, people will know the dangers of bad psychiatry. 

    So long as I am breathing, people will see and hear what it means to be a slave to Clozaril vs what it means to have the right choices. I'll do that for the kids. Let them demonize me and let the world learn about the power of psychedelics and DBT/trauma therapy, as many others have learned on their own. Let the world see the results of bad psychiatry, as so many have already seen firsthand. Let them demonize me but let them learn how these alternative means can truly help people. 

    If they are properly controlled and administered, psychedelics are safer and more effective than drugs like Mirapex and gabapentin. It's just a matter of the proper administration. I will not allow a few self-interested and know it all doctors to sabotage other professionals and therapies for their own limited thinking and self-benefit. I know some stubborn people. But I can be just as stubborn. The world must learn the truth about these mental illnesses and the treatments for them. I'm tired of caring what they think about me. I'm tired of caring. Let them learn how to help others better, if nothing else. If anything, the answer to the war on drugs lies in better control, not support groups, soldiers, and prisons full to the breaking point. There's got to be some truth about my life out there other than the bipolar bullshit. There's got to be truth about me out there. And apparently, it's up to me to write it. 

    I know some people have worked hard to help me. It's up to me to make it worth it. We have to learn something about mental illness. We're not learning. We need to learn. Otherwise, what is the point? we just make up stories as we go along? What does it matter what anyone says? We have to learn. I have to believe that is possible. It's just one big, drugged façade otherwise. Life needs to be about more than taking pills and doctors' orders. There has to be compassion and truth, or it means nothing. I cannot have faith in a system that drags people down for doing what is right. I cannot do it. 

 

    Change can come slowly, or in a rush. Sometimes, it's exciting. Other times, it is quite frightening. Yet, inevitably, it comes. The winds of change can lift you up or they can buffet you like a storm. I look for the signs along the way like anyone else. I do feel somewhat weary from the repeated rises and falls in life. The road can get lonely and sometimes every path seems to be blocked with some obstacle or another. Sometimes there are special interests keeping you out.