Demographics

Russias still on the list, but mostly US, netherlands, singapore, and northern Europe. I wonder where I'm getting my Iranians. 

The Good Eggs

I'm trying to keep the good eggs in mind. Those people in the middle. Especially the ones that help me. The city centers and imas and mindfuls and the nurses and other middle ground types. So that my perception doesn't get warped. Because it was very warped. That's part of why I asked specific people to read. Because I need to adjust perspectives. I'm not actually one of them. The doctors. And I need to stop looking at it that way. Because I know some of these people wouldn't want that. I don't really want that either. I told the PA. I don't like conflict and playing sides. That's one thing I liked about Springbrook. The first time. The second time it went sideways. But the first time was great. I try to remember that first time. When I think about division. There was lots of good things. People of different types. Feeling together. That was nice. Clozaril really warped my mind. I wasn't very aware. before that mild autism and some trauma. But im really glad to have changed some. Mip seemed to have some more advanced stuff at times. But I feel like they missed the boat in others. But I'll never understand ccbh. The dumbest crap. I think they didn't have enough... insight and perspective. Springbrook was worlds different. But that last stay was confusing. And the rant by that lpc was ... yeah, appalling. I don't know what she was thinking. There was this one... I think a nurse. Indian. Barely said a word. But very sharp. Perceptive. One resident in particular. The dream lady. She was great. She was the one that called it madderall. Which is the same issue the pa said about ritalin. If I ever have to go back to these places I'll try to go there. Maybe wear a mask. For air quality and spread of germs. I think they run the system pretty hard, but its small spaces.

Green light

Yield right of way.

Dear Nutritionist

Dearest Jenn,

So lovely to converse. I'll have to introduce you to Elly. She's the one gave me most of those tips. Let's not let legal banter and talk of hug and runs get between us. ACCOUNTability is for Psychiatrists. You know the type. You can thank inpatient for the colors. I've added some chicken, pork, and a dash of red meat. Between the fruits and veggies, probiotics, and electrolytes, I'm doing a lot of processing. I'll have to write y'all a poem sometime. Between FBI and Public Health, I'm in good hands.  

On to more pleasant talk. I've been getting some very healthy tomatoes. But the hyperlipidemia thing makes me nervous. Perhaps the vegetable spread plus olive oil. Oh. Cheddar cheese. Elly didnt like dairy, you may recall. Tofu didnt work out. I'll be sure to write.

Fondly yours,

Ashes

Harp

Maybe I harp on things too much. That's why I like the harp music. It gives me a sense of peace. I didnt go for coffee but ordered in. Some delicious Abilify and some ativan for hospital drives. The Abilifys are those... I think bluish. Pretty tiny. Yeah, the house had some. The ativans are the yellow ones. I save those for my person closed times. The complete system shock moments where I have trouble moving. Maybe fbi surveillance is unnecessary.  But I feel safer. And I like the idea that my friend is watching. She always looked out for me. I haven't seen her in decades. But I trust her eyes. She knows a fireman. Maybe if arson gets overzealous, he can put me out. Before I get crispy. Helps calm the waters.

Di Internist

Di internist so berry pwoud. We've been seeing udder people. Maybe Spidey make her a cobweb. She dudent feed me discharge papers.

Yellow light

Proceed with caution. Women are welcome. Men, try not to get righteous.

Gatekeeper

Due to emotional issues, sense of humor is offline. This person is closed until further notice. 

Intelligence

In absence of more intelligent ideas and not feeling any trust, i think i'll distract until i can get to the pharmacy with the sometimes-hostile workers who talk about me very contemptuously and there pick up my medication. maybe strange simply doesn't have a treatment plan. But at least they know whats going on. talked today.

Memorial

Now im in a state of shock. All the damn symptoms. You're supposed to call 911. That worked out great last time. I don't understand that er. I really have no what they thought they were doing. So im staying home. I'll go to a different hospital if I have to. Great job guys. Fantastic. Let's try it again in another life. I don't understand y'all. And you wonder why you don't get it. STOCKHOLM SYNDROME. Polyvagal. LOOK IT UP. MORONS. no let's threaten the patient. Great idea. Just perfect. COMMON SENSE PEOPLE. FIND SOME. You're getting my feedback surveys. They say, develop common sense.

Freeze

I can barely move. Nevermind leave the house. I can barely move. And no one can help. But blame me. Go ahead. I've gotten used to it. Blame the patient. You don't have to say it anymore. You've made it clear. So if there's a next time... I won't go to memorial. It just makes no sense. They say we know more now. But they said that 30 years ago. This new knowledge doesn't seem to help much. I suppose we can blame covid. Always something.

Hello

Can you hear me

Am I getting through to you

Hello

Is it late there?

There's a laughter on the line

Are you sure you're there alone

'Cause I'm

Trying to explain

Something's wrong

You just don't sound the same

Why don't you

Why don't you

Go outside

Go outside

Kiss the rain

Whenever you need me

Kiss the rain

Whenever I'm gone too long

If your lips feel lonely and thirsty

Kiss the rain

And wait for the dawn

Keep in mind

We're under the same sky

And the night's

As empty for me as for you

If you feel

You can't wait till morning

Kiss the rain

Kiss the rain

Kiss the rain

Hello

Do you miss me

I hear you say you do

But not the way I'm missing you

What's new?

How's the weather

Is it stormy where you are

You sound so close but it feels like you're so far

Oh would it mean anything

If you knew

What I'm left imagining

In my mind

In my mind

Would you go

Would you go

Kiss the rain

As you fall

Over me

Think of me

Think of me

Think of me

Only me

Kiss the rain

Whenever you need me

Kiss the rain

Whenever I'm gone too long

If your lips

Feel hungry and tempted

Kiss the rain

And wait for the dawn

Keep in mind

We're under the same sky

And the night's

As empty for me as for you

If you feel you can't wait till morning

Kiss the rain

Kiss the rain

Kiss the rain

Kiss the rain

(Kiss the rain)

Hello

Can you hear me

Can you hear me

Can you hear me

Safe

So I guess that's what makes this DID. I know so much about east coast medicine. Y'all taught me a lot. My reality changes from time to time. But each one knows so much about GREENVILLE COUNTY. I know truth things. I need to let people know the truth. The dangers of these drugs. Medicalized perfectionism. False health. That's what I'm focusing on. Keeping people safe in Greenville County. That's what I will do. Live or die. Keep people safe. And I need peace and quiet to do it. So leave me be. And be damn careful about these drugs and doctors. You understand me? You need to be careful. I want people safe, thats all.

Demonize

Anyways, we can always demonize me, clozaril, prescription drugs, cult like thinking, recklessness, potentially thc recommended by mds, inter hospital warfare, undue influence, god complexes, and so many things. I just hope the FDA hears of it. Live or die. The FDA needs to know. And public health needs to know. The dangers of Greenville county. They need to know. They better hear me on this. Live or die. People need to be safe.

Delusional

So I think im going to be DELUSIONAL now. I'M going to lie about MY AUNT'S money being stolen by her executor. so someone might FILE A REPORT with MAULDIN police about state and federal laws being violated. Yep. I think I'm going to lie now. I'm going to listen to my conscience and lie. So thats what I'm doing. Lying about my aunts money being stolen. That's what she would want me to do. Lie about her money being stolen. Because she can act on my lies and delusions. She can do that. See sometimes thats what I have to do. Is lie and be delusional about people I may or may not know. It helps me sleep. And people know im lying. Cuz I said so. So thats what im doing. 

Confidence

I'm confident my childhood friend would want to calm waters. She would see what Springbrook was saying about too many pills. She would understand our anger about overmedicalization around woodruff road, the ER, and mip... about lying to patients, DSM mania and manipulating thier healthcare. The forced medication and harassment around CCBH. She would understand. She would help. I know she's the kind of person would make it stop. She would be like Leaves and Elle. She would not allow it. She and her friends would stop them. Permanently. Regardless of my delusions and lies. She would not allow it. I trust that. So I'm going to rest. Let the FBI watch me. Let my friend calm waters. They're all part of my wall that holds back trauma waters. These people.