Findmine

 There was a psychiatrist who did try to say something. Dr. Findmine in Atlanta.

I remember because my family didn't like him. He told them what they didn't want to hear. It wasn't a matter of just the right medication. More complicated then that. Social or environmental problems.

Medication Trials

Antipsychotics

Risperidone

Quetiapine

Haldol

Thorazine

Zyprexa

Clozapine

Rexulti 

FANAPT

Latuda

Vraylar

Abilify

Caplyta

Saphris

Mood Stabilizers 

Lithium

Depakote

Tegretol

Trileptal

Antidepressants 

Anxiety

Ativan

Traxene 

Klonopin

Gabapentin

Baclophen

Offlabel

Aricept 

Namenda

Mirapex

Amantadine

Nuvigil

Provigil

PTSD

Minipress/Prazosin

Propranolol

Mirtazapine 

Spravato

Ketamine

Adhd

Alpha blockers

Beta blockers

Stimulants

long acting, short acting, adderall and methyl

The list is endless. Check the records.  They house was full of pills. Pills everywhere. Everywhere.

Thanks healthcare workers

I've been thinking more about DID and overmedicalization... the bipolar bullshit with the toxic masculinity... I had to go to City Center. Two female counselors. Clarity. Female psychologist. Einstein was male. And he did try to stop it. Springbrook tried to stop it. Ccbh did not. That's hard to overlook. But it all started at MIP. The family right next door. You know, name on buildings and stuff like that. Lack of independence. Bipolar bullshit. CBT didnt catch it. It made the problem worse. With a vague DSM, undue influence, and a success oriented family... am I the last one to figure this out? Anyways, so I ended up with female nutritionists, female counselors, female social workers, so then I got an np internist, I was refusing to work with males, artstick got overwhelmed, so now a male pa that is not above talking to women... oh and I was angry... wondering why no one seemed interested in stopping the pills. So then it was dea and fbi... the medical board had to remind me that I am not law enforcement... so then I'm walking around with a bunch of women, government agencies, and a high placed name or two. And if Timmons hadn't seemed so concerned, maybe i would have taken the pills. I just needed to know there was someone that was above county and state influence... just in case. Between the women, the governor and Timmons, I decided to go forward. its just that family is on so many committees and knows so many people... county sheriff... prisma... state senators... I was nervous... I was being watched by locals either with the doctors or against, prisma, mindful, internist, mindwell, people talk about jail and fraud... seeing all this influence... having worked in taxes... al capone...tax evasion put him away. So then I'm thinking, with all these people, other then perhaps myself, who would go away if something crossed a line. There's a lot of lines and a lot of people when you consider state and federal law. So I really need to let other people worry about those things. It just wears on my mind. I had hoped it wouldn't be ugly. But people get stubborn when you question thier creditentials, authority, or the well-being of people they know. Springbrook rather liked prichards. What i see when I look at the past is a history of nuerodyvergence and trauma. Overmedicalization. Alphabet soup diagnoses. Undue influence. Too many pills. Too much greed. Miseducation and missed red flags that became only bigger red flags over time. Then the government steps in. Too many abuse reports, SDOH, Federal money going who knows where. DSM dressing up drug trafficking. At times it was like Munchousens byproxy. Which I've seen real life examples of. But between all this and the agencies and people asking questions at a state and federal level, now it's time to step back. It's time for real life. The stuff the nutritionists and the social workers and the counselors taught me. If there's anything left to do, I have to trust the state of South Carolina and possibly the federal government to decide that. To me its excessive. To me, a state or federal judge might need to make some decisions other then mentally incompetent. This seems messy. And some people at ccbh and mip have been slow to get with the program. So hopefully, i can do that cooking and cleaning and real life... and someone higher up then the county can decide what to do or not do about drugs and dsm mania. This county is a big county. It has a lot going on. I think it needs some help. I do firmly believe that there were serious problems at Greenville Psychiatropy, MIP, CCBH. My old internist knew. He's the one that flagged SDOH. Anmed knows. Greenville ketamine center. These people know things. It doesn't so much matter what I do or don't say. There's plenty of people and records. I just want to know what we are teaching South Carolina about drugs and diagnostic bullshit. I was supporting my family, who was supporting prisma who was supporting my family. Everyone in lockstep on the bipolar and drug it away. So much like a NAZI system. There were plenty of red flags. Stretching back to childhood. So I need to focus on the wholesome stuff and let South Carolina worry about South Carolina. I need this state to take a hard look at the records from Anmed, Greenville Psych, MIP, Springbrook, CCBH, the medical board, Greenville Ketamine, mindwell, Einstein from Atlanta maybe, maybe Riggs and McLean, City Center, Mindful Upstate, Internal medicine associates, and think long and hard about how to keep this county safe. I truly believe that minipress, gabapentin, clozaril, stimulants, and benzos can be highly dangerous. Life or death, permanent disability dangerous. I will not rest until there are tighter restrictions on the use of clozaril, gabapentin, and minipress in particular. Highly dangerous. Change behavior dramatically. Ask City Center. Ask Springbrook. They know. 38 calibur dangerous. 911 dangerous. With all the blame going around. I want to remind people that there are good guys. The ones that don't buy the bullshit. And in my mind that's mostly social workers, internists, LPCs, nurses. I see danger when people get too close. Group think. At MIP. at ccbh. The latter of Which was dealt with. It'd be nice since I've basically gone around to every single agency and person willing to listen, to see the state... in the form of a state or federal judge, close the matter permanently. I'm so tired of thinking about this. So, to use a skill that the social worker at MIP used...

I need to FOCUS on REAL LIFE. I'm CONCERNED that so very many other people are ALARMED at this situation that revolves around MIP, DSM, DRUGS, BIPOLAR BULLSHIT, OVERMEDICALIZATION, WASTE OF PUBLIC FUNDS, and I'm TRUSTING that the STATE OF SOUTH CAROLINA, if neccessary, with federal assistance, will take a hard look at what has been going on in this here county. I've already contacted the FBI, as you may be aware. I'm very concerned about the drugs. I'm very concerned about the medical system. I've already asked the FBI to monitor my communications and assured them that I want to cooperate. To keep people safe. So, as far as I know, state and federal authorities have been working on keeping this county safe. It's time for me to do real life. Let the state worry about the state. Let the experts and the records hash it out. I'm hoping that the people will feel safer, knowing that the government is working on keeping them safe. I'm tired of conflict. I cannot predict what will or will not happen. I cannot say who did what or what is dangerous. I leave that to the government. The experts. The records. They know my concerns. They dont tell me everything. They have cooperation if needed. They asked what I wanted. I said health care free of undue influence. So hopefully its over and I can focus on real life things. Sorry county. Too many connections. Good luck. My team will be in touch as needed. Keep the county safe.

If somebody doesnt take this off my plate I'm gonna be having outbursts like Arson did. "OH GREAT, HE WANTS TO BE STUDIED". Poor Arson.

Ashes and Dust

Angels

Now I'm wondering who's thinking these things up because they are getting very clever. Watching the website. Using the records. Coordinating. It's very clever. 

I know so many of them. But you're watching the website. And you saw the dear healthcare worker. And I told only one person about that message. And that person told someone at the hospital. Or maybe the hospital figured it out. Well anyways. The discharge nurse name is on the records. And you know I don't trust those doctors anymore. You know I trust the nurses. And what? Because she was blonde? Small didn't work, so now the blonde nurse. Very clever. Oh, now it's like, we'll tell him the discharge nurse wants him to have these meds suddenly. No thanks. burn or restock. If there are really meds. I have the meds I need. I want to resolve this issue with the old guard. The script happy dinosaurs. I guess it's nice to be heard though. Tell Elle I said hi. We need to see other people guys. I'm concerned about the medication prescribing. Hopefully less concerned with time. I do want to believe. On the outside. Without excessive medication. A little more quietly. I'm middle aged now. Let the young people shine. Go help them. We've so got to stop doing this. Good luck. I got coffee. A few mindful people. These Bipolar meds are concerning to me. The gabapentin thing is particularly disturbing. Knowing Malacheck was in charge of my care and put me on it right around the time the company got in trouble. That was very disturbing. He was charismatic. That can be a problem. Now he's dead. I like coffee. Not enough bagels around. Anyways... pills to take, weird stuff to write, dishes to wash... clothes to... do something with. Hopefully something more useful. So, you know, you're not charting at 4.5 PPH. It was impressive. The Social workers did well. I was rather counting on them this time. Sharon retired. You remember Sharon? She did notice some things. I'd better not let #2 talk our way in again. I felt safe there once. Maybe we finally figured each other out. Ciao.

PRISMA R US

Well, isn't this just so intelligent. My life makes no sense. None at all. I've got a damn name. It's on that damn building. You know the one. You all know the one. And that name sells with those drugs. And anyone with that name who jams up that program of medicalized perfection will be hunted down and drugged into silence. Yes, MIP I got your call. Go fuck yourselves. You're not helping here. I'm tired. You guys have worn me down. I'm so sick of these damn names. PRISMA. My last name. It's such a fucking joke. How many drugs do you need to sell? How much medicalized perfection do you need in this community? WHERE DOES IT END? IT'S A DAMN NAME. Don't you people have actual lives to save? Does it really matter what I say on a damn website that can be filtered? Go drug someone else. I've had my pharmacy. Literally. I'm tired. It isn't funny. Go drug someone else. You're not helping. Leave it alone. ARE WE REALLY IMPRESSING ANYONE HERE? DOES THIS IMPRESS ANYONE? DOES IT MAKE ANY SENSE THAT MY LIFE REVOLVES AROUND PILLS FROM THIS HOSPITAL AND THAT HOSPITAL? Oh but it's such a nice name. Maybe I'll change my name to Depakote Lithium Clozapino. After the two drugs I've OD'd on and the third that failed to prevent yet a third OD and second coma. ARE WE MAKING ANY SENSE HERE? ARE YOUR DRUGS HELPING ME? Yeah, I'm a little angry. Especially when people don't learn from their mistakes. THE DAMN DRUGS DON'T FUCKING WORK. USE COMMON SENSE. 

Common sense, take three in the morning, don't call back. This is South Carolina. Not the state of Denial. Walk away while your legs still work.

Supermedicated

It's very alarming to me to wake up from a supermedicated, highly controlled state of existence and see what I see. I trusted some of the wrong people too much. These drugs are dangerous. Very dangerous. There are people that won't let me break. I have to respect that. I have to respect it by warning others of what this stuff does to your mind and body. Very dangerous. These ideas they've been teaching about perfection, medication, gender roles, its not helpful. It will destroy people. It will end them in ERs. Like it did to me. It will put them in comas. Pushing too hard. Medicating too much. Forcing ideology. It destroys people. It lands them on permanent disability. It keeps them in bad situations. Clinging to the past. Do not do this to this country. Do not destroy these people. You can't lock up or ship out enough so long as you just create more monsters with hatred and broken ideology.

Community

I really am hoping to turn my attention to doing something more positive for this community, then watch a hospital system and my family fight over what I need and who is to blame. I just don't think this conflict is helpful. I don't think we need super medicated citizens permanently disabled just so they can look perfect and talk fancy. I really don't think it helps to learn 3 careers worth of information and burn yourself out trying to be everything to everyone. I don't think we need ODs in our ERs or people threatening each other. I don't think this is helpful. That's why, again, I'd like to thank the governor, the medical board, the cdc, scdhec, and DSS for stepping in. For putting the brakes. And mindfulupstate and city center for recognizing valid problems in this community. South Carolina has real problems. So, maybe, just maybe i should figure out what I need to do. And maybe accountability keeps people safe. The house was full of pills. Everywhere. So many different types. You have no idea how many pills. Far too many. Perfection isn't a virtue. It isn't safe. Can't be teaching people to drug it away. You end up with word salad, dx extravaganza, pills everywhere, dead tired, haunted, miserable, looking ok but not feeling anything like that, and then the physical issues... GI wrecked. Metabolism crazy. It's not worth it. It's so not worth it. Just leave people be. Let them be human but without controlling others or medicating them to death. We have the largest prison population in the world by far already. How many more will we lock up? If ok can be ok, and money is not the end all and be all, then maybe it's ok to let people be imperfect. And free. Maybe I like this place too much. But it'd be nice to see people treating others a little better. Not so focused on perfection and ideology. Religious or otherwise. Because I feel like I have a very hard core, brutal liberalism on one side and a hard-core conservatism on the other that can be brutal too.

Big Picture

I really hope people are starting to get the big picture. That overmedication is not ok. Abuse is not OK. Harassment is not ok. That whatever my problem is, carting me off from this hospital to that hospital and medicating the life out of me is not helpful. It's not helpful to force me to talk to lawyers and mental health staff. It's not helpful to inspire me to contact DSS or FBI or SCDHEC or the MEDICAL BOARD regardless of what my problem is. Whatever my problem is or isn't, some people aren't healthy together. I think, at a bare minimum, the entirety of the upstate mental health community can agree, as numerous ones already have, that I have unhealthy relationships and certain people need to stay out of my life. For the good of this community. For its safety and security. We are not good in combination. I've got to relearn a few things. Just leave it alone. Let it rest. Just leave people be. Let ok be ok. We need to all take some big steps back and try to forget. Let it all go. Permanently. Let's not repeat patterns. Let's not go back to the same people. Let's not threaten or hurt anyone. Just let it rest. Keep South Carolina safe. Peaceful. Quiet. Part of that is leaving me be. At least until these two people, and thier respective teams and consultants (which includes multiple mds) say otherwise. If every shrink with a name up the East Coast has already tried, and these two teams believe i should stay home, then maybe I should do that. The cat is doing well. He's been in such good spirits. Happy as a clam most of the time. I get upset at times. I start pacing and I get lost in my mind. Just leave it alone. These people are helping me. Let them do that. They're doing well. Don't make me talk to lawyers, DSS, anyone else. I don't like doing it. And if I have to go to a hospital, don't threaten me. It's not a good idea.

Drug Demons

Something that hadn't occurred to me until recently is how interesting people seem to find me. It was rather disconcerting at first. Being the last born of educated parents can affect the mind. Sometimes, people don't realize and make it worse.

If you get the wrong types of attention, it can distort the mind. Interpretation can run amuck. It's easy to get labeled bipolar, especially if you're male. Doesn't mean the label is helpful or the medications either. Highly perfection oriented populations can misdiagnose so easily. Distorting someone's perception of the world and themselves isn't hard to do. Creating chaos, through highly traumatic events or through unpredictable and varied demands will create people with many talents and little consistency. It will make them act bipolar. No chemicals required. They will rise and fall and be agents of chaos, because that is what they were taught. You don't have to go to McClean to know what messed up is. While some dx's like DID are rare and not well understood, they are not so rare in fact. Because these problems, they have like problems, and some hide better then others. The symptoms shine through. For DID and borderline, it's those patterns. Very well defined patterns. Reinforced patterns. Locking up people with patterns is like locking a bunch of thieves in an art museum. What will they learn from each other while gazing on valuable things they cannot have?  How will they heal? There's a few dozen geniuses with psych MDs that are so incredibly allergic to the truth. They can't see how they are part of the problem. They don't want to see. They want the reputation and money. It's sad. Promoting drugs and finding problems with people. It's truly sad. They may think I'm the insect they couldn't quite kill or stop from buzzing. But I am the warning. I am the warning of what fault finding can bring. Now they need to see that reflection. So the world can be safer. Demonizing people creates exactly that: demons. Drugged, useless demons. So great job guys, I'm sure we all appreciate it.