The fact is I write for the joy of creation. Any additional benefit is a side effect... a welcome side effect, but a side effect. I am well aware that I have displeased some people, which is one of the reasons I must focus on my strengths to the exclusion of distractions. I do not have the energy nor desire to engage in failure, and I fear I have wasted too much time already... health, work, writing... that must be my trinity. It's like I explained to the doctors... Its in everyone's best interest that I am home, healthy, and productive. The best person to ensure that is myself, so I must give it my full focus. If I work hard, I might finish my writing. That is my greatest desire.

    Working later in the day is taking some adjustment. I've been more of a day worker. Good news is that my ads finally got approved. Bad news is I'm having trouble configuring them. I think I'm going to have to shift my sleep schedule to stay up later. I've been thinking a lot about ideas for my civil war story. It takes some time to brainstorm, organize the ideas, relate them to the 1860s, and then compare them to specific historical events and people. I can tell that the way that I want to do this, it's a big project. I haven't even worked out all the main characters. As I have done more research and considered my options, I've realized I'm going to want to take some significant creative liberties.

    Today I drove mostly in the lower end of the county. I visited Gray Court. I saw different parts of the old Greenville Laurens Railroad. 

A New Leaf

    You know, I really wasn't expecting to say this, but my affairs may have taken a turn. I wasn't really expecting much understanding after March, in fact my advice was universally to not expect understanding, though different people gave different reasons for that. I have to admit, somewhere between my heart doing jumping jacks, being threatened with jail, nearly becoming homeless, contacting the fbi, and becoming a hermit, I became concerned for my safety and wellbeing, perhaps excessively so. Maybe I'm not the only one that got tired of the chaos and failures to communicate, because there seems to have been a change in tone. The hospital and I have had a few heart to hearts via mychart. At times I was a bit blunt. I needed to be sure I was being clear this time. The ER psych had a diplomatic way of describing my communications, "emotionally charged". 

    I remember the PA's reaction to my March hospitalization. After the appointment ended he looked at the staff and I believe he smiled and shrugged as if befuddled. I recall a staff member asking "Do we have to keep him?" like I was a lost puppy they found. Since then he's been listening closely. We definitely needed some listening going on. I'm not saying that the Attending Psych and Resident at MIP March were bad doctors. I'm saying that there's no way they could have known what to do because the entire hospitalization was tainted by misinformation, lies, rumors, and BS from the very beginning and the attending and I barely exchanged 3 words. We've added a lot of clarity since then. It's actually rather beautiful what open and honest conversation can do. I decided that I would give them more information then they needed, just to try to eliminate any possibility of confusion or conjecture.

    You know, it's September, and soon the leaves will fall. I'm working, and I have all the necessary meds. Are we finally finding a way to not work at cross purposes? Time will tell.

I am dividing my attentions between deliveries, further civil war research, and exploring plot and character ideas. The cooler weather is good for my temperament, though I vary from my frustration to my anxiety and back. I continue to research ways to improve my work practices. If work goes well, I'd like to consider leasing a vehicle with better safety and mileage for the business. But I have milestones to reach first.