The Whatever

     I've been very frustrated with the whatever. Some people call it memory problems. Some called it PTSD. Some called it DID. Some insist on Bipolar. Going in too many directions under the influence of too many medications and professionals was definitely part of the problem.

Medicine

 

There's a Doctor just behind me
Counting every breath I take
Announcing every fault that I've known
Making up his numerous tests
Silence now the path "must he?"
inventing anew his prodigal son.
Never will he see his errors

Not until it's won and done.
Why can't we not be over?
I just want to flee this Supernova
Why can't we end this bullshit
I just want to not pretend it
I am just a stubborn misfit
I am just a problem child
I will only immolate you
Trust the Doc and drug away
I will find a Center for you
I will commit and lock away
I will work to demonize you
Just enough to shut you up
Love me. Love me. Love me.
Psychiatrist, won't you freaking whisper
Something that makes a little sense?
Trust him. Trust him. Trust him.
They want, what they want.

Last names

are who we were, not necessarily who we are. Life requires building onwards with the required window dressing built in to allow the old to fade and the new to rise.

Shades of Grey

    You know the American spelling is "gray" and the English spelling is "grey" or vice versa and I can never remember which is which. 

    Anyways, life is full of shades of gray. That's hard to navigate. I get rather obsessed with the rights and wrongs and the justice, especially as related to medicalization, toxic masculinity, and bad psychiatry. But that doesn't wipe out or compensate for failure. And I have to be surgical, clean, and gentle in my approach to righteousness, even as I try to slow down and detoxify my life. But it has to be a better world for the kids. Better than it was for me. I just struggle to understand. Some people were riding fast and loose. They get high on the excitement. On the power. That's what worries me. Then they want to shut me up, because my warnings become inconvenient. But I'm trying to help the good eggs. The people that stay in their lanes. I know they exist. I hope there comes a day when I see my people again. Right now, it's just not the same. 

    I'm not sure how it ends or how I break free. It takes time. But I'm told some things are permanent. I don't know how much.

Trouble Sleeping

 

Thoughts and prayers from a Distance

So where was I? Ah, yes, multistate clusterfuck.... bad boundaries, FBI looking up my ass to discourage others from doing the same. maybe I complain too much. But I get tired of trying to explain. Time apart is healthy.

James Taylor

I was told James Taylor wrote this one while at Riggs.

PTSD

There is no timeline for PTSD recovery. It involves lifestyle changes, developing coping skills, and self-awareness. The duration varies from person to person because the nature of the trauma that causes PTSD differs, and each person’s response is unique.

How long PTSD lasts depends on factors relating to the trauma itself as well as to the person and his/her life.

Experiencing multiple traumas tends to make PTSD last longer, as do repetitive traumas, intentional traumas, human-induced traumas, and sexual assaults. The duration of illness can be prolonged by other trauma or mental conditions. A broad base of coping skills and social support has a healing effect.

Research has proven therapy to be helpful in reducing and overcoming PTSD. Therapy reduces the duration of PTSD because as the therapist and client work together,

Trauma’s negative impact is decreased and the person can return to his/her earlier level of functioning

The person learns effective, healthy coping skills so PTSD doesn’t last as long

Memories, negative thoughts and intense feelings become easier to deal with

Healthy new behaviors are learned to replace PTSD-induced avoidance, anger, etc.

Sometimes, there are lingering effects post recovery. Positive feelings, trust, and a sense of closeness and intimacy can seem out of reach for a long time. With time and treatment, though, most people improve and are able to enjoy positive relationships. Even when someone experiences ongoing relationship problems, therapy can help diminish them over time.

PTSD may cause permanent physiological changes in the brain. These individuals tend to have a lasting inability to

Accurately gauge the passage of time, so they are very frequently early or late for work/events/obligations, or they don’t show up at all

See the big picture to determine if a problem is big or small; to these individuals, every little problem seems like a crisis.

Some effects of PTSD do last years or a lifetime, but most do not. PTSD can last from several months to a year or more. How long PTSD will last for an individual depends on both the trauma and the person. Generally, time, treatment, and support help someone overcome PTSD.

(Adult Content)

 

Trauma Counseling

What Trauma Therapy Can Help With

People seek trauma therapy for any number of different issues. Some of the reasons people might need trauma-informed therapy include:

    Combat trauma

    Accidents

    Assault or attack

    Domestic violence or intimate partner violence

    Community violence

    Natural and man-made disasters

    Medical trauma

    Injuries, including traumatic brain injuries (TBI)

    Physical abuse

    Emotional or psychological abuse

    Sexual abuse or assault

    Early childhood trauma, abuse, or neglect

    Traumatic grief

    Bullying in schools or workplaces

    Witnessing trauma or experiencing secondary trauma

9/15 ain't bad. I score 60%.