How it Ends

See I know there's people in this community wondering how this ends. I know CCBH is wondering. MIP. SPRINGBROOK. IMA. PRISMA IN GENERAL. Anmed. I know people are wondering. because they're mad, like me. I know people are mad because of the way they act. Word choice. Nonverbal. I see them really anxious around me. I hear comments. I know are wondering.

I want it to be calm. Happy. Not like CCBH, where they would not STOP. They would not back off. They just kept pushing and pushing and pushing. It was insane. 

No, I want it to be calm where people are just living their lives in the community and a certain doctor is not allowed to prescribe anymore because he was very reckless. People with God complexes should not practice Psychiatry. It's dangerous. 38 calibur dangerous. 911 dangerous. People dead dangerous. No that's not what I want. I want a safe community. Where people work and they have fun and they raise kids without excessive meds or excessive education or excessive perfectionism and ever moving standards. I want calm and peace and good relationships. I don't even like guns. Never did. I keep a taser. It's bright pink. Just to discourage people. I'm not the dangerous one here. The dangerous ones carry prescription pads. They know the DSM. They taught me everything they know. And they are pissed because they fucked up and they want to blame me for learning what they taught. Real bright guys, real bright. Who are we impressing here? what did we learn today class? Arson? Speak for your colleague? DID WE LEARN ANYTHING YET? I'd like to know.

Singapore

Today I have 130 friends from Singapore. Hi! I hope you like my American Crazy. Maybe I should rename it Psychiatry run amuck. South Carolinas psychiatrists failed so badly they had to ship me to MA. Now they're looking for a new state or a hole. Maybe y'all like me in Singapore? I bring a few pills? We can Google together, and I'll tell you the disorders, indications, and side effects!

POP Quiz! How do you proliferate handguns? Hand out minipress. Titrate up. Titrate down quickly. Deny all responsibility. You'll have SWAT teams On THE streets in no time. Go ahead, find an LPC to blame. We're listening. That's licensed professional counselor, BTW. Go ahead, blame the patient. Blame the pharmacy. FIND SOMEONE TO BLAME SHRINK. YOU'RE NAMES ON THE SCRIPTS. EVERYONE KNOWS. YOU THINK THEY APPRECIATE IT? YOU THINK THE DEA LIKES LEGALIZED DRUG TRAFFICKING AND GUNS ON THE STREETS? FIND SOMEONE TO BLAME. GO AHEAD. WE'RE LISTENING. I BOUGHT THE BULLSHIT. YOU THINK ANYONE ELSE WILL? YOU STILL PEDDLING DRUGS?

I get a little pissed off.

DID Therapy

See DID therapy is more like... exploration... Cuz we build all these characters around personality elements and then they have adventures and do fun things. I picked animals. Some people pick superheroes. But I like the animals. Because they are in nature. Not in a locked building where everything is artificial, even the light. With the child it's like preschool, then it goes up in number as the elements grow older... until you get to the adults. We all have a child inside, if we're human and not a robot shrink. We all like to have fun. The shrinks get it all wrong. Theory and accountability and advanced thought through chemical modification. I had a lot of good teachers. They worked in schools. Counselor's offices. Nutrition offices. Psychologists and shrinks get too technical. Some of them I hate with a passion. Snotty little bastards. There are exceptions. Some people know how to be personal but not with God complexes. I can't stand people with God complexes. I'm running the other way. SO FAST. Shrinks can be like that. Some Psychologists. Phds. I've known a lot of atheists. No I don't go to church much. I don't well with crowds. with maintaining attention for long periods. I get ADHD like. I do believe in evolution, but not atheism. I find it a bit disturbing. Prichards most definitely had a God complex. 100%. That's why he complained to me that the state was giving him trouble about his drug prescribing long before things went bad... that's why he referred so much... that's why places like Greenville Ketamine and IMA DID NOT LIKE HIM. because they knew. They knew it was fucked. And they were dying to say something I know it. And if ever I do sue that man I know there will be people lining up to get a word in. Because he caused trouble here. And it pisses people off. DID doesn't come outta nowhere. This shit doesn't grow on trees. It grows other places. One of them is right down on woodruff road. DO NOT TAKE THE DRUGS. You teach poison that affects the community, then people find out one way or another. Just by me walking around, they find out... and it pisses them off. 

The Perfect Plan

See, Psychiatry is all about the perfect plan.

Take DID, here. Let's college educate, teach them the DSM, teach them every medication we can possibly prescribe (You would definitely not believe me... about 25 years of almost every category and off label excluding MAOIS, trycyclics, some typical antipsychotics, the stims, some dissociatives, just about everything you find in a pharmacy), let's sit him in a shrink's office 2-4 times a month on disability and teach me almost nothing of real world application. 

Then it's either at work or in the shrink's office or playing video games because antipsychotics tend to dull complex thought. I just don't understand these people. I mean, I think we missed the boat here folks. No he doesn't get to be angry. He gets to use those fancy words. Oh it sounds so niiiiiiice... oh he talk me up a storm... But then the memory is so fucked that he can't complete basic tasks on a regular basis. Too much theory. Too many pills. 

I don't know what coffee thinks. I haven't much asked him. I go around PRISMA or most doctor's offices and I lock up like a bank vault. Basic instinct. I do not like MDs. I do not like them. Gullet could barely look at me. We have maybe a handful of words. I liked her resident. I don't think she liked me much. It was word salad. I did talk to that one nurse. Now they don't like me talking to nurses. They seem to find me intimidating. As if I'd be stupid enough to try to hurt them. In this town. Where everyone knows me. Where I'd be locked up faster than you could call 911. It just makes no sense. I get angry. It's about the doctors and the pills. It's not about the staff. Some people have some sense. They work in Counselor's offices. They don't work at MIP. Not at CCBH FOR SURE. At least... until SCDHEC came around... and now they're pissed... Springbrook got mad yes, there were problems, but really, they were just mad cuz it was MIP's mess. Maybe I was loose with words. My words are a bit desensitized, I think. I say things and people look at me like what the hell did you just say? I swear to God that guy at Springbrook... maybe I gave him a hard time... but in one sense he did cut through the bullshit. Like why the fuck do they have you on these pills? what are they doing? this doesn't make sense. It was definitely more productive than those people that are now unemployed. There was group think going on at CCBH. Out the wazzoo. OH LET'S TAKE THE FIRST SIMPLE THEORY AND RUN WITH IT. He said SSA called it unspecified psychosis. Let's just give him the pills that didn't work, label the bottle "psychosis" and he'll be back on permanent disability and numbed out for forever. Artstick didn't like that. I was barely moving. Barely knew where I was. Some dumbfucks just can't get with the program. They'd rather force medicate and have someone either half alive in the community or be reported and have the whole lot of them in the bread line. 

There was one nurse, who was like, no we shouldn't do it he'll go around telling everyone! Well, YEAH. YA THINK? YA THINK MY PSYCHIATRIST WAS PLEASED? I WAS BARELY MOVING. dumb shits. I didn't want you in the bread line. But you got yourselves there. The best cure for dissociation is lack of trauma, lack of patterns. Not drugs. mmmmmkay? Not bullshit. This country needs to rethink medication and psychiatry. In a major way. It makes no sense.

But the current meds are helping. I found the ritalin. I thought about asking about it. But I don't even think it helped that much. I need to process anger, maybe sue a psychiatrist... think about my life choices. 

Yep, that word perfect comes up a lot. These shrinks like to engineer people. I'll just call myself Product MIP0096... cuz I started around '96. Well you made me. I hope we're proud. Just don't try to export. MA might send me back again.