Thermometer

So now I spend my days trying to get from the 8-10 range (Anger, fury, Rage) to the 0-5 range. I need to be stable in the lower Polyvagal range so that this VNS device the state spent money on and the education and stuff can be worth it and so that the community can be calm and happy and so that the state can keep this from happening to anyone else. Medicalized perfectionism. Overeducation. Toxic work ethic. empty, medicated, permanently disabled useless burden on society. It seems like a good goal.

The hospital doesn't like me talking, so they play games. But they can't really stop me, name on buildings, state/federal observation, things like that. I do want this state to be safe. I do want no excessive prescribing. I don't know who checks this website, I only know people report back. I do know my counselor and my PA check it. I like people to feel safe. If I wanted people to be harmed, I would not have asked the FBI to monitor me. That would be the opposite of intelligent. As smart as you think I may be, believe me I am not smarter then a federal agency. I worked in taxes. You do not fuck around with these people. The IRS can run you over. SSA can do it too. The FBI? Those are the guys with the IT skills, the guns, and the badges. They can block this site, they can hack my computer, they can do many things. They can hack my phone. They know what I do. If I wanted people to be harmed, I could have done so a long time ago. That's not what I want. I do care about people. I've known many people. I hope my good eggs are proud of me. Because I'm doing this for them. People like Leaves and Elle. Kind people. Down to Earth people. Hardworking people. The ones out there in the community. I've been here 41 of 43 years. If I really wanted to hurt anyone, I would have done it by now. Don't believe the Psychiatrist lies. Don't believe the programming. Don't take the pills. Stay away from God complexes. There is no danger. I've got to be on every radar across this state. Just quietly. That's all. 

I need to calm my anger. Because once it gets down to the 1... then it's clean up time. Then I get to help make sure there's no excessive pills. That people are safe. I know they are watching. They've already disrupted my internet at least once. The slightest wrong move, and it's SWAT teams, badges, guns. Not that I expect a detail to follow me around, but you know, they learn things. I don't know how long and how many people have been watching. I was rather medicated. 

When I was little. Before everything. I wanted to be FBI. I applied there once. maybe twice. Forensic Accountant. I applied IRS. I was in IT. I know what they can do. I know what I started. I know they can help. Keep South Carolina Safe. So, if my awareness is correct, South Carolina doesn't need to worry. It will be safe. Less pills. No crooked doctors.