The Perfect Plan

See, Psychiatry is all about the perfect plan.

Take DID, here. Let's college educate, teach them the DSM, teach them every medication we can possibly prescribe (You would definitely not believe me... about 25 years of almost every category and off label excluding MAOIS, trycyclics, some typical antipsychotics, the stims, some dissociatives, just about everything you find in a pharmacy), let's sit him in a shrink's office 2-4 times a month on disability and teach me almost nothing of real world application. 

Then it's either at work or in the shrink's office or playing video games because antipsychotics tend to dull complex thought. I just don't understand these people. I mean, I think we missed the boat here folks. No he doesn't get to be angry. He gets to use those fancy words. Oh it sounds so niiiiiiice... oh he talk me up a storm... But then the memory is so fucked that he can't complete basic tasks on a regular basis. Too much theory. Too many pills. 

I don't know what coffee thinks. I haven't much asked him. I go around PRISMA or most doctor's offices and I lock up like a bank vault. Basic instinct. I do not like MDs. I do not like them. Gullet could barely look at me. We have maybe a handful of words. I liked her resident. I don't think she liked me much. It was word salad. I did talk to that one nurse. Now they don't like me talking to nurses. They seem to find me intimidating. As if I'd be stupid enough to try to hurt them. In this town. Where everyone knows me. Where I'd be locked up faster than you could call 911. It just makes no sense. I get angry. It's about the doctors and the pills. It's not about the staff. Some people have some sense. They work in Counselor's offices. They don't work at MIP. Not at CCBH FOR SURE. At least... until SCDHEC came around... and now they're pissed... Springbrook got mad yes, there were problems, but really, they were just mad cuz it was MIP's mess. Maybe I was loose with words. My words are a bit desensitized, I think. I say things and people look at me like what the hell did you just say? I swear to God that guy at Springbrook... maybe I gave him a hard time... but in one sense he did cut through the bullshit. Like why the fuck do they have you on these pills? what are they doing? this doesn't make sense. It was definitely more productive than those people that are now unemployed. There was group think going on at CCBH. Out the wazzoo. OH LET'S TAKE THE FIRST SIMPLE THEORY AND RUN WITH IT. He said SSA called it unspecified psychosis. Let's just give him the pills that didn't work, label the bottle "psychosis" and he'll be back on permanent disability and numbed out for forever. Artstick didn't like that. I was barely moving. Barely knew where I was. Some dumbfucks just can't get with the program. They'd rather force medicate and have someone either half alive in the community or be reported and have the whole lot of them in the bread line. 

There was one nurse, who was like, no we shouldn't do it he'll go around telling everyone! Well, YEAH. YA THINK? YA THINK MY PSYCHIATRIST WAS PLEASED? I WAS BARELY MOVING. dumb shits. I didn't want you in the bread line. But you got yourselves there. The best cure for dissociation is lack of trauma, lack of patterns. Not drugs. mmmmmkay? Not bullshit. This country needs to rethink medication and psychiatry. In a major way. It makes no sense.

But the current meds are helping. I found the ritalin. I thought about asking about it. But I don't even think it helped that much. I need to process anger, maybe sue a psychiatrist... think about my life choices. 

Yep, that word perfect comes up a lot. These shrinks like to engineer people. I'll just call myself Product MIP0096... cuz I started around '96. Well you made me. I hope we're proud. Just don't try to export. MA might send me back again.