Angels

Now I'm wondering who's thinking these things up because they are getting very clever. Watching the website. Using the records. Coordinating. It's very clever. 

I know so many of them. But you're watching the website. And you saw the dear healthcare worker. And I told only one person about that message. And that person told someone at the hospital. Or maybe the hospital figured it out. Well anyways. The discharge nurse name is on the records. And you know I don't trust those doctors anymore. You know I trust the nurses. And what? Because she was blonde? Small didn't work, so now the blonde nurse. Very clever. Oh, now it's like, we'll tell him the discharge nurse wants him to have these meds suddenly. No thanks. burn or restock. If there are really meds. I have the meds I need. 

    I want to resolve this issue with the old guard. The script happy dinosaurs. I guess it's nice to be heard though. Tell Elle I said hi. We need to see other people guys. I'm concerned about the medication prescribing. Hopefully less concerned with time. I do want to believe. On the outside. Without excessive medication. A little more quietly. I'm middle aged now. Let the young people shine. Go help them. We've so got to stop doing this. Good luck. I got coffee. A few mindful people. These Bipolar meds are concerning to me. The gabapentin thing is particularly disturbing. Knowing Malacheck was in charge of my care and put me on it right around the time the company got in trouble. That was very disturbing. He was charismatic. That can be a problem. Now he's dead. I like coffee. Not enough bagels around. Anyways... pills to take, weird stuff to write, dishes to wash... clothes to... do something with. Hopefully something more useful. So, you know, you're not charting at 2.5 PPH. 24 hours a day, 10 days at a stretch. It was impressive. The Social workers did well. I was rather counting on them this time. Sharon retired. You remember Sharon? She did notice some things. I'd better not let #2 talk our way in again. I felt safe there once. Maybe we finally figured each other out. Ciao.

Combinations

Some people are bad in combination. Some people should stay the heck away from me. The drugs don't fix this nor shut me up. I'm not your perfect son. I tried. It didn't work. Give it up. Stop the insanity. I'm not him. He doesnt exist. Stop looking. There's a half dozen governmental agencies already watching. Jump ship. Get out. Stay out. It's not looking pretty. I'm medically complex. The ship has sailed. Please go away. Thank you.

Oversensitive

    Maybe I'm oversensitive, but really, a warm screw you to perfectionist doctors, manipulative family, gossip trees, and the inventors of clozapine. Please go screw yourselves. Then do it again. Then go walk off a cliff.

    Seriously. The NAZIs had better results. Numbing people out and releasing chaos is not the answer. 
You think this is funny? Really? Which part? I'm not seeing funny here. My liver is almost shot. My charts a mile long. Truly. Go screw yourselves. I'm not going to rest until that shit is permanently banned. This isn't funny. 

    I'm so relieved MIP doesn't like me anymore. Place is messed up. They started this. The bullshit with the DX's and the pills. It's your mess guys. Great job. Go back to medical school now. Try that Hippocratic oath again. Remember it? No? Funny the things you forget. Go screw yourselves. Truly. It needs to be done. To-do list it. You're a freaking disaster. You numbed me out and destroyed my body with pills.

    Congratulations. Go screw yourselves again. You and your little friends. There's no hiding this GO JUMP OFF A CLIFF. TAKE YOUR CLOZARIL WITH YOU. every day until you remember that oath. Everyday. I'm reserving rooms at McClean now.

    Oh, but they're still planning the next forced medicationing. See when this started, I thought... I'll make a website, I'll make a few metaphors, maybe people will learn, we'll all move on. Then I noticed how nervous people were. Oh crude, he's waking up. Oh freak. He sees the truth. Oh freak, he's talking. Dammit. Where's the nearest pharmacy? darn metaphors, some people never learn.

Sense

I just don't get it. I'm the disabled guy with the degrees and the pills and the hospital system on one side, various doctors offices on different sides, a family on another side, and so many other people who think I have something to give or do for them. I don't actually have to go out there to know that these people are all out there just waiting for a report or some help or to drug me up or come up with a new dx and it makes no sense. Who has the energy for this? Do I have all the answers here? Does any office have all the answers. I need to retire from a half dozen more things before someone sees me and decides either they or I need something. It makes no sense.

I get tired of caring. Because problems and solutions vary depending on who you ask. Caring was more fun when I was more numb.