Fluville

Some things are totally creepy. We could stop talking but no we'd never do that. I don't understand this thing with medication. I met a Brittany the other day. The fence really does look nice. I wonder what it's made of. I'm thinking Pine. Why do people hide soccer balls. I'm gonna have to speak to Paytlin about that. Some people just don't like soccer. Doctors, they just can't stay away from me. Always something to analyze. Poor Small. She didn't like getting yelled at. Then she suddenly has the flu. Sudden illnesses can be like that. Stress induced. I've had a few. You know, it's nice not living in hospitals. Funny they wanted me to go to the Phoenix Center. Almost like they thought of the Phoenix. The creature that rises from the Ashes. Strange where people get ideas. Then, they don't like an idea, it's time to force medicate. Such a strange society. The lower part of the state is where those Murdochs were from. Those people scare me. But I like Charlotte. It's a nice city. It had that growth spurt. Now this city is following behind it. Social workers talk a lot less then doctors. It's like talking to Safe Harbor. My right foot is doing that thing again. slightly numb and tingling. Curls a little bit. I don't actually like hospitals that much. But if people get hostile, might as well shut down and disappear in my mind. Then everyone can just stand around and argue about what is or isn't wrong. Waste a whole lotta time. I hope y'all had fun. Next time we should maybe throw some prescriptions in the shredder. Make some confetti. We can have a party right there in the ER. Maybe Arson will come. He has a good sense of humor. We can tell jokes. Start a few catheters. Or maybe we'll all go down to MIP. We can dig out that grassy area. Hose in some water. I've always wanted to try mud wrestling. We can put that Carolina Drugs song on the bluetooth. Me vs Arson. The Nursing staff can place wagers. We'll have us a grand old time. 

I used to have more energy. But I think I could take Arson. But seriously, that place creeps me out. My internist reminds me of a childhood friend. That's why I picked her. I'd rather trust a Nurse Practitioner then an MD. Y'all are too script happy. Then you like to D/C what other doctors do. Now I've got Ritalin lying around and somehow that's my fault. I'm not the one who wrote the orders. Then you'll blame me for having drugs lying around. Very much like Prichards. Sure, blame the patient. Go ahead. Leaves is listening. They say I'm the one playing mind games. Some people just don't know when to quit. If you want to improve mental health, stop being so drug happy, stop insulting people, stop threatening people, stop blaming them. It works both ways. Some people make too much damn money prescribing drugs. It really pisses people off. I don't understand the medical system. 

You know, in Patch Adams, the guy does get better. I remember the bathtub of Spaghetti. Mental health shouldn't be so hard. If you stop operating hospitals like prisons you'd have much less to worry about. But no, we have to hyper analyze. drug it up. Fuck with people's minds. Y'all make no sense. 

Spidey likes di trees. Dey good for a crawl. Maybe if I end up there again, I'll just climb a tree. I tried that at spring brook. They didn't like the fence story. One of the staff wanted to shut it down. She smiles at me and talks about chasing me down and tackling me. I looked her up and down and thought to myself... Yeah I don't think you'd have much luck. But I wrote a poem for her too. Only she got pissed off and wouldn't take it. I was gonna have them keep it for the staff like MIP. It was this one here: Flow

See I'm a little tired of going to hospitals and Counseling Offices and writing poems for the workers. It's happened a few times. If I didn't need to be so damned perfect, then there wouldn't be so many pills, so many inpatients, so many analyses...

Y'all are funny though. Really. Say hi to Elle. Stockholm Syndrome. Look it up. She was never afraid of me. I think she understand what was happening. South Carolina maybe gets a little too drug happy, a little too perfection oriented. I'm so glad I firewalled my healthcare. The techs and nurses get pissed off doing BPs and EKGs when they come out just fine. Oh wait, another test to run... what will they think of next? Let's all just do this so much that our own bodies give us the heeby jeebies. 

Funny CCBH didn't want me to leave feedback. They said they would throw it out. They said a lot of bullshit. Fucking pricks. It's sad. So I guess now this website is my feedback survey. Generally, while in the hospital, I try to be fair with surveys. Those can affect performance reviews. On the outside, I can say what I want and they can't find a scape goat so much. Unless, of course, they do it CCBH style. Then things get messy. Then a whole hospital gets fucked. Then the insurance refuses to pay. Then they come after the patient. Which they were threatening to do even when the patient was in there. Some people have loose mouths. One Nurse warned them. They didn't listen. I like Nurses. It was over 50,000$. They were so fixated on making me perfect and force medicating. So they lost $$50,000 dollars and some employees. It doesn't make sense. No, let's just threaten and agitate. Bipolarize. Psychociate. Drug it up. Fuck our own damn selves in the process. And they say I don't make sense. The insurance paid for a couple blood tests. A few hundred dollars. Sometimes stupid is just stupid. I can get up on a soapbox too. Leaves knew what was going on. She tried to stop this. I've got to return that ritalin. I just don't know if it helps. United States spends a shitload on healthcare. Malacheck had a magnetic personality. Then they magnetized me to be just like him. They even tuned my magnets to play along. Medical Complex Trauma. You diagnosed it. This is the result. 

Coffee and I we don't say much. We don't actually have to. So long as he is my psychiatrist, they can't get creative with the drugs. Clozaluiah! Spidey needs to go for a crawl... tink about life choices. Hospitals are not actually churches. Drugs are not actually incense. DSMs are not actually Bibles. Y'all should sing more. Maybe you'd need less drugs.

Yeah that childhood friend of mine? The one the Internist reminds me of? Her name was Brannon. I asked her to keep an eye on me. I was told she works in Public Health. We gotta help each other. Our healthcare is becoming Psychotic. It hallucinates problems. It has thoughts of hurting itself and others. Sometimes it likes to take people to the dungeon. Where it keeps its machines. The ECTs, the rTMSes... Then they think it's funny. Or they get pissed off. They call me the mad scientist. I was taught by the best and brightest of the East Coast. From GA to MA. This is the result. Being so mentally scrambled you can't keep your damn head straight, you can't work, and then it's permanent disability. Yay team. 

Back off, Angry. Hospitals should be more like sesame street. Now they hate my guts. They can't quit. They are addicted to patients. They have a patient use problem. Let's just run the whole state like a Prison. Sounds like Prison to me. I could have been a little simpler. I swear to God it was police first. I actually did try to join the Army. Rangers. The recruiter was excited about it. Family shut that down too. Families can shut things down sometimes. They're not perfect. So later it was history teacher, then because they kept analyzing me it was Psychology and maybe teaching it but then maybe clinical to stop these people and then maybe I/O psychology to make organizations like hospitals work better. Family didn't like those ideas. They like doctors. I've met a few. dozen. maybe hundreds. I don't know how many. So then I had been taking business classes because of the I/O idea... that was after Tech and the business courses and history courses and the criminal justice courses (somethings never die)... So I managed to convince the Clemson Accounting Masters program to let me in. Damned persistent. I'm rather DRIVEN to distractions. But I don't know if that's a biology thing. So then I chose Tax because audit seemed... hard to manage the grey lines... I don't like finance... it reminds me of greed. So I started working in tax. I loved my customers. All sorts. then I applied to the FBI at some point. Forensic Accountant. So I guess I figured, I'm sick of the medical, I'm not dangerous or planning any criminal activitiy, I've been demonized and people won't leave me alone... why not reach out to the FBI... they can do the colonoscopies as often as necessary... till people fuck off.

Today I'm spending time with a friend, doing some organizing and cleaning. We're having a pizza. Hospital employees are not actually my family, it's just the name on the building thing. They can't get enough of me. I could have been simple. Cop. Teacher. Whatever. Now I'm Complex Medical trauma, medically complex, did, adhd, AS... the list never ends. And now they hate me. Because this is what they created. A not so psychotic pissed off guy. Who occasionally does Mrs. Doubtfire and aggravates the library. I need to return that book. I got pretty good at Mrs. Doubtfire. Pissed people off. Maybe a little too creative. But I'd better not Psychociate. It gets too interesting. Then the gatekeeper has to lock people out. I do hear sirens in my mind on occasion. But no, I'm not law enforcement. I'm not a lawyer. I worked in tax/IT/retail/Psychology(volunteering). 

Now they like to talk about "my women". Well, if you male doctors would drop the damn Rx pads, I wouldn't need my women. The Elles, Leaves, Mollys, Social workers, NPs, RNs, stuff like that. And I damn for sure wouldn't need FBI or local police. I wouldn't have these flashbacks and hallucinations about SWAT teams and guns and shit like that. You get what you paid for. My women appreciate the chaos I'm sure. They've mentioned a time or two. Brannon was very helpful before.

So hopefully South Carolina Mental Health Community and Healthcare community are filtering in the messages. My women prefer me to stay home and not overmedicalized, I'm a little strange, I annoy people with Mrs. Doubtfires, I'm not actually dangerous, I'm not a criminal mastermind (just observant), I'm not actually law enforcement but I'm not afraid of them either, I don't actually like going to hospitals, I can be cryptic, I can do a lot of mindfulness stuff like in the ER, I do have hallucinations and flashbacks, I'm slowing down, I'm not sure if I can keep up with the high paced tax offices, I can be good with words, I have no idea what my PA or internist thinks but I do know some things filter back, I never wanted to be a doctor (TRUTH), I know a lot of doctors, memory is good but recall bad, I'm not actually interested in dating within hospitals or stalking healthcare workers, I have a bit of Stockholm Syndrome and certain people are my main safe zones, I have trouble working with some men and some women have trouble working with me. I do have MIP pretty much memorized. But I hear they're building that new place. Please don't invite me. I don't want to see y'all's new place. I wonder how Springbrook is doing. It was kinda pretty. They had a spider on the window with a web. Squirrels on the bird feeder. That building used to be a school. It shows. I enjoyed doing yoga. You know MIP had that salsa class. I dance better when less stressed. 

Spidey go do a pew tings. Laundry to fold. Hallways to declutter. Friends to visit. I need to volunteer less... patient or otherwise.