They say not to think too much. You know, that reminds me. The PA said that ritalin can increase anger. Which is exactly what Springbrook said about madderall. See, some people tell me the right things. They don't work on woodruff road. They didn't work under church. They didn't work at McClean. I remember the Psychologist at Lost and Rigged. He was very good. 

I'm just disappointed in that ENT. But they might find me a new one. I think they're glad I firewalled my healthcare. Feet seem more normal today. My head has those weird headaches still. It varies. Right now it's near my right ear and the front of the face. 

I guess when people get too close, there's that group think. That's why I like the firewall. That's why I like male-female working together. I like diversity. Sometimes it shuts down group think. It's not just a source of new ideas, it shuts down bad ones. So now I have a few males, a bunch of females, multiple races, multiple age groups. 

One intern said that women like male gynecologists. They're not familiar with the equipment. So they're not as rough. That makes sense. Too much familiarity can be bad. 

I've got some dishes to put up. Some clothes too. You know, I figured out why I like the downstairs. Some of my better memories are down here. It's more open. More light, but still privacy. 

I'm hoping the government is hearing me on this. I hope, like me, certain professionals are taking their vacation days, thinking about life choices, thinking about who they've been spending time with. I'm hoping that they are working together. Not pushing too hard. Slowing down the med trains. I'm pretty sure there's a reason it's been hard to get some more liberal doctors to shut up and that others won't let me quit. There's talk of protecting people, cult like thinking, too many meds... hospitals vs hospitals. Somethings do look incredibly like racketeering. profiting off insurance and medication. In collaboration. Against the wishes of others. So maybe I'm not the only one wavering at times. Maybe others are thinking of switching. Maybe they're tired of the chaos like me. I rather hope so. I really want the government to take a hard look at my medical records. Find the doctors that overprescribe. Get Clozaril permanently banned. Irrevocably. No more multistate clusterfucks. No one likes cleaning up someone else's mess. It's true. That's why I need to slow down. I know there are people just itching to help. Even the ones at CCBH. Who don't like me very much. Maybe they need restitution too. So I'm just waiting. for the government to decide. So people can breathe easy. So the kids will be healthy. I didn't even start the disability. Family did. Sometimes I can't control. Others do it for me. 

Drugs are dangerous. Even when legalized. Talking can be dangerous. It can turn people against you. So I'm confident the government will be keeping people safe. Just matter of time. Hopefully I can see the kids. Some of my friends. Without saying much. I've got a printer to analyze. I've got to look at my taxes more. Maybe avoid being overly romantic with health care people. No more run by huggings. Metaphors are addictive.