My sense of humor is getting misplaced. Too much projection. Too much anger. Too little sleep. Details become clearer. Maybe the counseling is working. Now I find the stages. Ten stages.
1. Suspicion
2. Discovery
3. Chaos
4. Grieving
5. Learning
6. Reaching out
7. Dependence
8. Acceptance
9. Resolution
10. Moving on
I keep going down this road. I don't know where it's going. They've been saying I was a lost cause for decades. Decades. Decades.
13 years old. I was already running. Never really stopped. But I'm still here. There must be a reason.
It seems like yesterday
But it was long ago
Janey was lovely she was the queen of my nights
There in the darkness with the radio playing low, and
And the secrets that we shared
The mountains that we moved
Caught like a wildfire out of control
'Til there was nothing left to burn and nothing left to prove
And I remember what she said to me
How she swore that it never would end
I remember how she held me oh-so-tight
Wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then
Against the wind
We were runnin' against the wind
We were young and strong, we were runnin' against the wind
The years rolled slowly past
And I found myself alone
Surrounded by strangers I thought were my friends
I found myself further and further from my home, and I
Guess I lost my way
There were oh-so-many roads
I was living to run and running to live
Never worried about paying or even how much I owed
Moving eight miles a minute for months at a time
Breaking all of the rules that would bend
I began to find myself searching
Searching for shelter again and again
Against the wind
A little something against the wind
I found myself seeking shelter against the wind
Well those drifter's days are past me now
I've got so much more to think about
Deadlines and commitments
What to leave in, what to leave out
Against the wind
I'm still runnin' against the wind
I'm older now but still runnin' against the wind
Well I'm older now and still runnin'
Against the wind
Against the wind
Against the wind
Still runnin' (against the wind)
I'm still runnin' against the wind
(Against the wind) I'm still runnin'
(Against the wind)
I'm still runnin' against the wind
(Against the wind) still runnin'
(Against the wind)runnin' against the wind, runnin' against the wind
(Against the wind) see the young man run
(Against the wind) watch the young man run
(Against the wind) watch the young man runnin'
(Against the wind) he'll be runnin' against the wind
(Against the wind) let the cowboys ride
(Against the wind) aah
(Against the wind) let the cowboys ride
(Against the wind) they'll be ridin' against the wind
(Against the wind) against the wind
(Against the wind) ridin' against the wind...
Hopefully the weekend will be quiet. I have to be ready to report in on monday... don't need anything new to say... don't need any new complaints...
Oh the internist will be so proud...
I'm not sure why... I guess because I'm still intact...
Yep... I'll just enjoy my coffee... because when no one is running around and no one is causing trouble the community is so much nicer... the sun shines brighter... the pills taste nicer... everything is so wonderfully boring.
I'll just keep taking those blue pills, cuz I'm sure no one's gonna give me red ones... because we don't need excitment...
I like how they don't print out the papers anymore... I like just posting my mychart online... so everybody knows what not to do...
That hyperlypidemia one... too much olive oil? <shrug>
I wonder what it will say this time? Seasonal happy disorder? Post hospitalization exhaustion syndrome? The PA's so good with words... maybe he'll quote a new law? Maybe I should guess?
Oh my doctors are so proud...
They even gave me a code to get inside. Last time it freaked me out. Last place I punched a code to get in... other then home before it broke... was the call center for crisis line.
