Thermometer

So now I spend my days trying to get from the 8-10 range (Anger, fury, Rage) to the 0-5 range. I need to be stable in the lower Polyvagal range so that this VNS device the state spent money on and the education and stuff can be worth it and so that the community can be calm and happy and so that the state can keep this from happening to anyone else. Medicalized perfectionism. Overeducation. Toxic work ethic. empty, medicated, permanently disabled useless burden on society. It seems like a good goal.

The hospital doesn't like me talking, so they play games. But they can't really stop me, name on buildings, state/federal observation, things like that. I do want this state to be safe. I do want no excessive prescribing. I don't know who checks this website, I only know people report back. I do know my counselor and my PA check it. I like people to feel safe. If I wanted people to be harmed, I would not have asked the FBI to monitor me. That would be the opposite of intelligent. As smart as you think I may be, believe me I am not smarter then a federal agency. I worked in taxes. You do not fuck around with these people. The IRS can run you over. SSA can do it too. The FBI? Those are the guys with the IT skills, the guns, and the badges. They can block this site, they can hack my computer, they can do many things. They can hack my phone. They know what I do. If I wanted people to be harmed, I could have done so a long time ago. That's not what I want. I do care about people. I've known many people. I hope my good eggs are proud of me. Because I'm doing this for them. People like Leaves and Elle. Kind people. Down to Earth people. Hardworking people. The ones out there in the community. I've been here 41 of 43 years. If I really wanted to hurt anyone, I would have done it by now. Don't believe the Psychiatrist lies. Don't believe the programming. Don't take the pills. Stay away from God complexes. There is no danger. I've got to be on every radar across this state. Just quietly. That's all. 

I need to calm my anger. Because once it gets down to the 1... then it's clean up time. Then I get to help make sure there's no excessive pills. That people are safe. I know they are watching. They've already disrupted my internet at least once. The slightest wrong move, and it's SWAT teams, badges, guns. Not that I expect a detail to follow me around, but you know, they learn things. I don't know how long and how many people have been watching. I was rather medicated. 

When I was little. Before everything. I wanted to be FBI. I applied there once. maybe twice. Forensic Accountant. I applied IRS. I was in IT. I know what they can do. I know what I started. I know they can help. Keep South Carolina Safe. So, if my awareness is correct, South Carolina doesn't need to worry. It will be safe. Less pills. No crooked doctors.

How it Ends

See I know there's people in this community wondering how this ends. I know CCBH is wondering. MIP. SPRINGBROOK. IMA. PRISMA IN GENERAL. Anmed. I know people are wondering. because they're mad, like me. I know people are mad because of the way they act. Word choice. Nonverbal. I see them really anxious around me. I hear comments. I know are wondering.

I want it to be calm. Happy. Not like CCBH, where they would not STOP. They would not back off. They just kept pushing and pushing and pushing. It was insane. 

No, I want it to be calm where people are just living their lives in the community and a certain doctor is not allowed to prescribe anymore because he was very reckless. People with God complexes should not practice Psychiatry. It's dangerous. 38 calibur dangerous. 911 dangerous. People dead dangerous. No that's not what I want. I want a safe community. Where people work and they have fun and they raise kids without excessive meds or excessive education or excessive perfectionism and ever moving standards. I want calm and peace and good relationships. I don't even like guns. Never did. I keep a taser. It's bright pink. Just to discourage people. I'm not the dangerous one here. The dangerous ones carry prescription pads. They know the DSM. They taught me everything they know. And they are pissed because they fucked up and they want to blame me for learning what they taught. Real bright guys, real bright. Who are we impressing here? what did we learn today class? Arson? Speak for your colleague? DID WE LEARN ANYTHING YET? I'd like to know.

Singapore

Today I have 130 friends from Singapore. Hi! I hope you like my American Crazy. Maybe I should rename it Psychiatry run amuck. South Carolinas psychiatrists failed so badly they had to ship me to MA. Now they're looking for a new state or a hole. Maybe y'all like me in Singapore? I bring a few pills? We can Google together, and I'll tell you the disorders, indications, and side effects!

POP Quiz! How do you proliferate handguns? Hand out minipress. Titrate up. Titrate down quickly. Deny all responsibility. You'll have SWAT teams On THE streets in no time. Go ahead, find an LPC to blame. We're listening. That's licensed professional counselor, BTW. Go ahead, blame the patient. Blame the pharmacy. FIND SOMEONE TO BLAME SHRINK. YOU'RE NAMES ON THE SCRIPTS. EVERYONE KNOWS. YOU THINK THEY APPRECIATE IT? YOU THINK THE DEA LIKES LEGALIZED DRUG TRAFFICKING AND GUNS ON THE STREETS? FIND SOMEONE TO BLAME. GO AHEAD. WE'RE LISTENING. I BOUGHT THE BULLSHIT. YOU THINK ANYONE ELSE WILL? YOU STILL PEDDLING DRUGS?

I get a little pissed off.

DID Therapy

See DID therapy is more like... exploration... Cuz we build all these characters around personality elements and then they have adventures and do fun things. I picked animals. Some people pick superheroes. But I like the animals. Because they are in nature. Not in a locked building where everything is artificial, even the light. With the child it's like preschool, then it goes up in number as the elements grow older... until you get to the adults. We all have a child inside, if we're human and not a robot shrink. We all like to have fun. The shrinks get it all wrong. Theory and accountability and advanced thought through chemical modification. I had a lot of good teachers. They worked in schools. Counselor's offices. Nutrition offices. Psychologists and shrinks get too technical. Some of them I hate with a passion. Snotty little bastards. There are exceptions. Some people know how to be personal but not with God complexes. I can't stand people with God complexes. I'm running the other way. SO FAST. Shrinks can be like that. Some Psychologists. Phds. I've known a lot of atheists. No I don't go to church much. I don't well with crowds. with maintaining attention for long periods. I get ADHD like. I do believe in evolution, but not atheism. I find it a bit disturbing. Prichards most definitely had a God complex. 100%. That's why he complained to me that the state was giving him trouble about his drug prescribing long before things went bad... that's why he referred so much... that's why places like Greenville Ketamine and IMA DID NOT LIKE HIM. because they knew. They knew it was fucked. And they were dying to say something I know it. And if ever I do sue that man I know there will be people lining up to get a word in. Because he caused trouble here. And it pisses people off. DID doesn't come outta nowhere. This shit doesn't grow on trees. It grows other places. One of them is right down on woodruff road. DO NOT TAKE THE DRUGS. You teach poison that affects the community, then people find out one way or another. Just by me walking around, they find out... and it pisses them off.