El DID no existe...
Yo no existo...
No te importa este sitio web...
Quieres quedarte en casa y ocuparte de tus asuntos...
No quieres llamar...
No quieres enviar mensajes...
No quieres que nadie más lo haga para informar...
No quieres visitar...
Quieres ocuparte de tus asuntos...
DID n'existe pas...
Je n'existe pas...
Vous n'êtes pas intéressé par ce site...
Vous voulez rester à la maison et vous occuper de vos affaires...
Tu ne veux pas appeler...
Vous ne voulez pas envoyer de messages...
Vous ne voulez pas que quelqu'un d'autre le fasse à votre place...
Tu ne veux pas visiter...
Vous voulez vous occuper de vos affaires...
Il DID non esiste...
Io non esisto...
Non ti interessa questo sito web...
Vuoi stare a casa e farti gli affari tuoi...
Non vuoi chiamare...
Non vuoi mandare messaggi...
Non vuoi che qualcun altro lo faccia per riferirti...
Non vuoi visitare...
Vuoi farti gli affari tuoi...
DID does not exist...
I do not exist...
You do not care about this website...
You want to stay home and mind your own business...
You do not want to call...
You do not want to text...
You do not want to have someone else do so to report back...
You do not want to visit...
You want to mind your own business...
It starts with a memory...
Just a whisper of a yesterday...
Do you see me seeing?
Do you see my dreams?
Do you want to remember?
What can I forget?
And from there it builds... the scripts don't fix this... the scripts they created this...
They build it up... the mind takes it from there...
And suddenly the world is different.
I've never seen SWAT in action. Never had the desire. But i have a vivid imagination. And this morning, in the darkness they came... Through the silence I could hear sirens everywhere... men, in cars unmarked, marked, coming from everywhere with their guns and their badges, their body armor and their grim faces...
And then it was gone. washed away... washed away by the talkers...
2 to 7 to 5 to 3 to 4 to 3 to 6...
And then I wash away.
Sara, vive da sola
Studia, e poi lavora
Sara, non ha paura
Sara è già più grande della sua
età
Sarà, fuori è felice
Dentro, a volte è triste
Sara, la vita è strana
Sara come sei sei solo tu...
Oh Sara
Che cammini sotto il sole
Hai deciso di partire
Per cercare un'altra vita
Da seguire
Oh Sara
Che cammini verso il sole
Contro gli altri contro tutti
Tu vuoi vivere ogni istante
Della vita...
Sara, si sente sola
Sara ora è lontana
Chiama, due volte al mese
Dice che per ora lei non tornerà
Sara, ha un grande sogno
Vuole, cambiare il mondo
Sara, è un nuovo giorno
Sara come sei sei solo tu...
Oh Sara
Che cammini sotto il sole
Hai deciso di partire
Per cercare un'altra vita
Da seguire
Oh Sara
Che cammini verso il sole
Contro gli altri contro tutti
Tu vuoi vivere ogni istante
Della vita...
Tu, lo, sai, che, sei
Nelle mani tue...
Tu, lo, sai, che, sei
Nelle mani tue...
Oh Sara
Che cammini sotto il sole
Hai deciso di partire
Per cercare un'altra vita...
(Da seguire)...
Oh Sara
Che cammini verso il sole
Contro gli altri contro tutti
Tu vuoi vivere ogni istante
Della vita
Oh Sara
Che cammini sotto il sole
Hai deciso di partire
Per cercare un'altra vita
Da seguire
Oh Sara
Che cammini verso il sole
Contro gli altri contro tutti
Tu vuoi vivere ogni istante
Della vita... Sara...
So, if anyone has any questions about how to treat my professionals with respect, I refer you to your ethics requirements from your licensures, South Carolina State Law, Federal Law (including but not limited to HIPPA), SCDHEC, DSS, THE MEDICAL BOARD OF THE STATE OF SOUTH CAROLINA, OR IF NECCESSARY TO THE POLICE OR A COURT OF LAW.
You don't want to follow the law? Try me.
ANY QUESTIONS? ANYONE? ANYONE FROM SOUTH CAROLINA, PLEASE?
NO? SHUT YOUR DAMN TRAPS.
Oh, the Internist is gonna be so proud. I love to make my doctors PROUD.
Now it's brain fog. But hey, lost a lot of weight and stopped ADHD medication. Plus flashbacks of hospitals and of multiple near death experiences. My brain is tired.
So it's more of the same. Rest, mild exercise, nutrition, electrolyte water, calm app.
Do I revel in being miserable? Not quite. Seriously, you try stopping Clozaril after 21 years and see what happens. You stop retaining water, you stop wanting to eat, headaches, flashbacks, moodswings, BP changes, heart rate drops, even your body temperature is different. Slightly lower. Fatigue, nausea, tingling, twitches, tinnitus... feeling narcoleptic because you don't sleep deeply.
But seriously, if that stuff was helping, how did I manage to OD on three bottles of scripts while on a therapeutic dose? Anyone? Anyone at all?
It wasn't helping. So now the chemically suppressed memories and emotions come out and the body struggles to keep the mind together. I have to keep the body alive while the mind heals.
Some say love, it is a river
That drowns the tender reed
Some say love, it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed
Some say love, it is a hunger
An endless aching need
I say love, it is a flower
And you, its only seed
It's the heart afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance
It's the dream afraid of waking
That never takes the chance
It's the one who won't be taking
Who cannot seem to give
And the soul, afraid of dying
That never learns to live
When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long
And you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong
Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snows
Lies the seed that with the sun's love
In the spring becomes the rose
Anyways. So, meds are not the ultimate solution
Diagnoses are not the ultimate solution.
Genetics and chemicals? Well, I'm gonna go back to the nature vs nuture.
All of these disorders? Well people like to look for answers or find causes or demons.
Some people jump to look at their genes... others find a chemical or food or an environmental factor such as electronic devices or the weather...
History plays a role, in combination with the rest. I do not doubt that any of the disorders are not "real". They are complex. Autism, ADHD, Depression of whatever type, and Dissociation.
The thing I noticed about Covid was how psychological it became. People did die. I tested positive at one point. For me it was like a mild flu. But I saw people thinking they had it when they didn't, time after time. The thing that lasted was that autism spectrum seemed to become more widely known. I had to think about that.
ADHD... I've seen so often, parents of kids with ADHD, they get focused on the diagnosis whether they medicate or not, and it becomes an animal of its own. When there's so much to the relationship and the person. And then people don't see the social factors that are playing into the diagnosis. They don't see the nurture side of the causes and what drives it. The medications that are used most commonly? Methamphetamines, a close cousin of amphetamines. One of the earliest uses of amphetamines? Hitler gave his soldiers amphetamines at the outset of world war II to make them stronger and more energetic/fanatical. The result? Some of the worst atrocities mankind has ever known. These drugs, they crystalize the thought... but there are environmental factors. Eating a healthy diet. Getting enough sleep. Positive emotional relationships. The absence of head trauma, both physical and psychological. You have two kids and one has an LD? Maybe it's not the kid. Maybe it's not pure genetics. Maybe it's more complicated then that. Maybe, just maybe, you had a genetic predisposition, and the social and environmental factors did the rest. There will always be the weak and the strong. Both mentally and physically. Head trauma can cause all sorts of LDs. Head trauma isn't just physical trauma. It's psychological trauma. Accidents. Abuse. Neglect. Not that anyone needs to beat themselves up. It just means that it's not random, it's not just genes, and it's not just drugs.
So, I've been thinking more about boundaries and minding one's own business.
I used to not have the slightest understanding of boundaries. I applied rules. Simplistic ones. Then I came off Clozaril and my feelings opened up. Man. Coming off Minipress was an extremely frightening experience. Shit got epically real in all the wrong ways. Do not ever take that red pill. Don't do it. I'm telling you. Those things are highly dangerous.
Coming off Clozaril was much different. It was like leaving the matrix and seeing reality for the first time. Both the internal reality and the external. Oh, Prichards was angry. He was no longer God. He was also afraid. He was afraid for the world to see what he had created. And then everyone was afraid. I didn't like what I saw in many cases. People didn't like that I could see.
I could see the fakeness. I could see the façades. I could see the corruption. I could see the dirt, and the ugliness. Oh they came up with all sorts of names. They brought out the big guns to shut me up and medicate me back. Oh, they pulled out every tool. So yeah, I got angry. It's not something you can forget. It's not something you should forget. It was a lesson.
Yeah, I got a lot of heat. I had been the good little soldier, taking my drugs and staying in line. Thing is, those same drugs that were my "salvation"... Clozaril "my" medication. My "gold standard". My angel in the form of a pill. The second coma? The one I went into the day that McClean released me? The one that should have killed me if the first one didn't? Well guess which med I was on at the time? The one that was supposed to save me. I was on Clozaril when I went into a coma. Well ain't that freaking beautiful. Genius. It did a damn good job. They barely brought me back. Barely. Damn good job. Let's take more and have coma #3, why don't we?
The time I had dialysis? I was on gold standard #2. Lithium. Damn good job lithium. Sure did work. Just brilliant.
Coma #1? CDC phone call? Delirious and trying to rip wires off my body with 3-4 people holding me down? That was Depakote. Good job meds. Good job.
Thank the Shrink, I am saved. I'll thank the ICU and ER staff instead. The shrink can go screw himself.
Cross your fingers folks. I told my family how the community feels. They stopped talking for once. Maybe they actually heard you this time. Doctors, nurses, techs, hold your breath.
Maybe my family will go easy. I told them what you said. All the pissed off parts, pretty much.
