Prismally Speaking

     I feel I have to keep this blog going. I feel like I've been wearing on my families and on my counselor by not giving everyone the same story at the same time. And I want everyone to feel safe and to not push too hard. I need to stay focused. We didn't know as much about Autism or DID in the 90s. Nevermind the ADHD or the CAPD. Those are minor. I need to focus on managing the biggest problems. I need to focus on not scaring people or being inconsistent, though that may be a challenge. 

    I hope there is still hope for me to find someone. That's why I need to focus on this. That's why I need to be transparent and deliberate. Because otherwise we're looking at prison or lawsuits or abrupt endings. Or a combination. 

    Anyways. I need to stay focused. I love to listen to the birds in the mornings. I need to work on myself some more. I need to not be impulsive or spend or use excessive medication. I need to avoid blaming or avoiding responsibility. This is not fun and games and I need to remind myself of that from time to time. If I'm ever going to be with someone. I need to be realistic. Molly and Coffee are working on getting in touch. I'm counting on my friends. My healthcare friends. So that I can find someone and have that happy ending. 

    I know Arson. I know why he's angry. He sees me as throwing this away. And he's right. I can't do that. So, I need to focus. I need to not waste resources. I need to be serious. And I'll need to keep reminding myself. I have responsibilities. This is really taking most of my focus, but accounting is the day job. I've been working on applying for other jobs and getting my house a little more in order. But I've been a little discouraged. It's been harder to focus on the fiction writing with so much reality coming up. 

    I need to be careful what I say. When the anger comes into focus, I can scare people.