Remembering

 

Dear Elle,

    I know it must seem strange that I write. But there's a lot I haven't said. While it was ill advised to contact you, I did what I did. It is done. I held onto to some words for many years. Now you have most. Let me add a few more. 

    I met you in '97. It was night. I was standing in line at the old medication window, lost in my thoughts. Black as night. So very lost. So far away that I was barely still alive, barely still on earth. I could show you the exact spot. A voice came alive, warm and kind. Gentle. And still, I was far, yet I could not help but think to myself... I need to know this voice. There you were. There you were. I remember you said I must be new, you asked my name. you gave me yours. you told me about your family, your kids, and there I felt safe, and didn't want to leave. 

    There's reasons I'm still here. They talk about healing, about moving on. I don't understand what that looks like exactly. I'm trying to understand. But I can't forget. I can't. I don't have it in me to forget. Some days it's like sitting in stasis. But the days change. And people move on. And I have to understand where I go from here. I know it's people like you that keep me here. 

Yours,

Ashes