Hypocrites

 

    They're always coming up with reasons to bury me and Molly. Hypocrites.

Ironic

    I've been noticing patterns. Now the Psychiatrists are running out of ideas. They're not focusing on hair color or Elle. Now they're alternating male/female. It's rather amusing if you stop and look at it. You do realize the problem goes well beyond me, yes? Y'all literally started it. You taught me the bullshit.

    Ok, maybe threatening to shoot myself in front of North Wing was a bit much. I'm just tired of my families fighting over who I am. 

    Maybe we're slow learners. But I think we're catching up with each other.

Are they trying to kill me?

    Why, no, the doctors don't want to kill me, they just don't know what they're doing. So, I have to help them understand...

Am I running out of Psychiatrists?

    Why yes, yes I am. Do I care? Hell no, I don't like them particularly much. Thing is, I know she's right. Cleaning up my professionals. One Doctor/Doctorate at a time.

From a Distance

     I can't be the same as I was. I can't be with the same people anymore. I can be there from a distance, or I can be different up close. From a distance, I am medically perfect. Up close, I am anything but perfect.

From a distance the world looks blue and green,
and the snow-capped mountains white.
From a distance the ocean meets the stream,
and the eagle takes to flight.
From a distance, there is harmony,
and it echoes through the land.
It's the voice of hope, it's the voice of peace,
it's the voice of every man.
From a distance we all have enough,
and no one is in need.
And there are no guns, no bombs, and no disease,
no hungry mouths to feed.
From a distance we are instruments
marching in a common band.
Playing songs of hope, playing songs of peace.
They're the songs of every man.
God is watching us. God is watching us.
God is watching us from a distance.
From a distance you look like my friend,
even though we are at war.
From a distance I just cannot comprehend
what all this fighting is for??
From a distance there is harmony,
and it echoes through the land.
And it's the hope of hopes, it's the love of loves,
it's the heart of every man.
It's the hope of hopes, it's the love of loves.
This is the song of every man.
And God is watching us, God is watching us,
God is watching us from a distance.
Oh, God is watching us, God is watching.
God is watching us from a distance.

Get Together

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Better Reasons to Support Darkness Until Dawn

    The better reasons to support Darkness Until Dawn include: learning how to avoid misusing drugs to numb or destroy yourself and others, learning what abuse looks like in all its forms, learning what toxic masculinity and toxic CBT look like, learning about boundaries... no charge, maybe a few ads if Adsense ever gets with the program. I'm losing patience. So tell everyone you know. Tell your dog. Tell your bartender. Tell the Chimpanzee at the zoo. Tell them about medicalized perfection and bad psychiatry. 

Medicine

     Truth is a potent elixir. The truth shall set you free, they say. Funny how no one says that the Clozaril will set you free. So, I mix my words, I balance the ingredients. And I count on my friends. My readers. To keep reading. To understand the dangers of Bad Psychiatry. Because it's out there, waiting to suck you in. The drugs are out there and readily stocked on shelves. Come and get it. 

Shadows

Dear Elle,

    I've had my dark moments. I do know anger. But I will protect you. I'll keep talking. They can't shut me up. They can't help but read. But they can't choose the words I say. They can't choose their facts. They can't bury it with money and reputation. Not so long as I breathe. People will know the work of the magic maker Prichards and his enablers. And I will keep you safe from all harm. And they can lie about me. But I will speak the truth, and they won't shut me up.

Yours,

Shadows

Brannon

    Ebbyday, dat Molly werks... ebbyday, Spidey weaves his cobwebs... waiting for di day dat my black widow arribes. Spidey keep his distance until people stop trying to step on me. Dey've gotten in a habit, so Spidey be patient. Wait until di all clear. Spidey berry patient.

Finish what I started

 

Dear Joe,

    So, this is me supposedly doing "the work". You know, confessing my sins worldwide. I got tired of hiding the truth behind bipolar. Hopefully, it's working. I'm getting too old for this. I need to change. I need to stop getting stuck. I was trying to please my families. Worked out great, didn't it? Now everyone is pissed and I'm broke and delusional. But when the psychologist says I have impaired recall, I believe her 100%. It's like saying that grass is green.

    Anyways, so Molly here decided to finish what Leaves started. The breaking up of my families. Telling you the truth. Getting me out of dysfunctional relationships and breaking the bubble of medicalized perfection. Yeah, if my memory was better, I could have moved. If I didn't, in fact, have DID, a very disabling and serious mental illness, I could have gotten out. It's a little late, I was miseducated. But I can still tell you the truth. The tale of a family that prefers to keep its faults behind a wall of medical lies. And, you know, I helped. I helped keep it buried. 

    I allowed the doctors to run me into the ground with the medications and the bullshit education on bipolar when I could have dealt with my emotions. I thought taking care of people was better, but perpetuating the lies has had costs. Truth is, there's a lot of problems. And labels like drug addict or bipolar don't even cover them up anymore. The medication trains don't cover them up. No, a lot of people are bitter. Not just me. The magic maker and his enablers... they're being exposed for the frauds that they were. 

    Now, someone else could have said something. Someone at MIP, or at CCBH, or in my families. No one did. No one did. They preferred the legend and the Bipolar Bullshit. They liked the magic maker. And I believed it. Now I'm learning to keep my distance. Just like you have. 

    I can only hope this message carries far and wide. To every corner and crevice in the world so that the lies have nowhere to hide: the enemy is the lies of Bipolar and the MagicMaker Prichards and those who enabled him. Spreading this message allows everyone who hears it to use this knowledge to keep themselves safe from the lies of medicalized perfection. I don't have enough metaphors for this shit. Pills don't work. Blaming me doesn't work. Creating a myth of drug addiction does not in fact work. The only thing that works is giving up the bullshit. Being decent human beings. Treating others with dignity and respect. So, I'll be limiting my time with my families and working on my memory and my thought cohesion. Just like you have limited your time with me. 

    I have to honor the work that Elle put in, that Leaves put in, that Molly put in. I have to say no to medicalized perfection. I have to say no to bad psychiatry. Too many people bled to get me here. I'm not buying the bullshit. I will get medical care when I need it. Period. End of story. I won't keep supporting enablers and liars and abusers. Which means less social time for now. Until I have more space from my families. Some people don't listen. So, I'm spreading the word far and wide to the ears that won't buy the bullshit. Some people I know are simply too proud and too rich to understand right and wrong. So, I'm doing this the hard way. I don't see how what happened wasn't criminal, but I'll settle for the bullshit ending. 

    That Molly's stubborn, yes? SO AM I. I get to tell my truth like everyone else. The sooner everyone gets with the program, stops spouting shit from their mouths, and starts acting right, the better for everyone. We're not quitting. Y'all can keep your bullshit going with other people. 

        I'll send the pain below.

Ashes