I hope I'm getting the point across that trying to control people or make ridiculous amounts of money is bad. That circling the wagons and groupthink is self-destructive in the end. That cover ups are bad. Because if you still think that no one is trying to cover something up, YOU HAVE NO FUCKING INTELLIGENCE. I'm just waiting for a judge to rule on this once and for all. So people will stop fucking around with each other and with the medical system. That my fucking life mission. Fing DEAL WITH IT. I get to have emotions too. You don't have to be around them. It's not a prerequisite. No one is God. NO ONE. So in a sense I am religious. Because I believe that God has given me this mission. To keep certain damn people in their fucking places. As publicly as they make necessary. To keep this state quiet and safe. Cuz this is so stupid. And I had help getting me here. MIP. Didn't teach boundaries. Didn't have independence. Prichards. That Psychologist that taught at Furman. Prick. Certain people I've been close to. Some people just have no sense. But it catches up to you. So now I am property of Greenville, SC and the Federal Govt. Everyone else needs to fuck off. Don't make me repeat myself. It's too late to shut me up. You can evict me. You can do that. Other than that. Not much else. So please do not read this if it upsets you. And do not weaponize this site. But use it to help yourself or entertain yourself. Responsibly. Then mind your fucking business. And i'll continue to repeat key words so people get the point. Not because I like to. But so people get the point. It's so fucking ridiculous you're making me do this. But we all get here. We're here now. Right here. So. Let's make the best of that. Separately. Be intelligent. I know you can do it. I have FAITH. You CAN MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS. Repeat after me. I will shut the fuck up. Good. Now. I will mind my own damn business and not fuck around with other people's business. Good. I will not force medicate or manipulate someone else's healthcare. Now Repeat those three statement 27 times. If you have any questions, consult a priest.
Ridiculous
Ridiculous (noun): Beyond understanding or unexplainable.
Examples:
Gossip trees reporting on one person throughout the community
Having to publish one's medical information online because the medical system ran amuck
A family obsessed with medicine
Getting rich off drugs (legal ones)
Promoting drugs for conditions with flimsy numbers
Having to ask the FBI to monitor your communications and contact your treatment team
Threatening people over their relationship with someone else
Treating someone like they are your property
Reading things you don't like and then bitching about them but then insisting on continuing to read
Illegal activity
Threatening jail for showing up at a hospital
Threatening restraining orders for the same
Manipulating someone else's health care decisions
Operating a family like a cult
Repeatedly invading someone else's business AFTER REPEATED WARNINGS
Being robotic
Psychiatry
saying shit like "well you can pass any test if you take it enough" DUH. hello?
Opening your mouth when it doesn't need to be open.
Trying to erase someone's mind or manipulate them through unwanted education, ECT, or ridiculous prescriptions
Continuing to practice medicine when you fucked up so badly that someone is going from hospital to hospital to try to fix this shit.
Fixating on gender or orientation
Not taking the hint after the 586th warning.
Thinking you know so much that you just can't help but spout your mouth off the same person over and over long after they tell you to fuck off.
Doctors
Having to repeating the same message 5000 times or in multiple languages and dialects.
Needing to use the world as witnesses so certain people will fuck off
Permanent disability... especially when if someone is just left the fuck alone, they might be just fine.
Not minding your own business.
Shipping someone across states because they're not quite perfect and you wanna give it another go
locking up family and expecting them to be happy about it.
Not moving on. Individually. Or expecting another person to move in the direction you want.
Not understanding that life doesn't go as planned and sometimes people go in different directions
Thinking that biology or medication or religion independently determine everything exclusive of experience.
Simplistic thinking in general.
Being so jealous of someone that you can't help but fuck with them. Especially if they are broke and alone. It makes no sense.
Medicine Cabinet
Dear ER Staff
The funny thing was, you got a little more twisted out of shape then you needed to be. A dissociative episode does not have to be a big deal. I'm not exactly sure what you found so alarming. But threatening and running a lot of different people in and lying to me are not exactly ways to be productive, gain trust, or help people.
I do appreciate the Sprite.
Refusing to change the urine bags when I'm obviously in pain and they are obviously full is just all sorts of stupid. It's not hard. You have eyes. Even if you're a cleaning person you can tell the people standing right outside watching THAT DUH he's in pain and needs help.
That aside, it was bizarre that the doctor lied about the lab results. There was definitely stuff that you found. And yes, my phone did die. And no my family wasn't helpful. So congratulations, now my emergency contact is my LPC. YOU DON'T GET A FUCKING CHOICE. You contact someone that can help.
That said. I do appreciate some of the communication instruction and the ideas on what to relay to my family. Not sure why I could not pee. The RNs were very rough. Unnecessarily so. I've had catheters before. They did not have to be that rough, and I can file lawsuits. Remember that.
Anyways, you guys did fine as far as to keep my health intact. I guess I'll ask my internist to recheck the labs to make sure they return to normal.
Some of you seemed angry and others amused. You'll be happy to know I do not remember any names. At points I wasn't sure who was the doctor and who was the nurse. If you're wondering where I got the curse words from, you taught me. Remember, Garbage in, Garbage out. You treat me like shit, don't be surprised if I get ugly. You curse, I curse. You lie... I call you out.
Maybe save the comments about shipping me out of state. The guy that transferred me to MIP. I can remember things from time to time. I can be nice. I think you can remember I've been nice before. I can be ugly too. Don't worry about the names. FBI has eyes. So just forget about it.
Let's not do this again. Maybe if there's a next time I'll try Bon Secours. But I like holding people ACCOUNTable. So who knows. If I go back to Vinewell, I'll have a word about the vital checking. Don't worry though, they're not eager to see me either. I've got rather acute hearing. Somethings I can ignore.
I am not the property of my family. You don't need to talk about me being a disappointment to my father or anything about my treatment team or anyone I know. They do not actually control me. No one actually does, but if I am accountable to someone right now that would be my treatment team and the Federal Government. South Carolina did try to succeed. We failed, guys.
** Author's note: I would have indeed changed it myself, but my hands were not steady and it is a biohazard **
Public
See, what I have learned is that I do not have the right to privacy. Cuz people don't leave me the fuck alone. So, I'm just publishing my entire life here until some people lose interest in fucking with me.
So let's get started. I was born here in Greenville in 1981. Greenville General. It moved to Memorial. My father was a doctor, sister a social worker, other sister an anthropologist, brother a psychiatrist. I have 6 nieces and nephews who mean a lot to me. 3 boys and 3 girls. My mom from Italy and my dad from New Jersey.
I had some early childhood trauma. Ended up making MIP my other home. Beck Middle School. Southside High School. Worked at Taco Bell. My family put me at Furman. I got expelled. Not a long story, but I'll get to that. Then I went to MA. Two Hospital/Treatment Centers. Worked in Fast Food. Came back down, worked at the grocery. Started taking history and business and some other courses at Tech. Transferred to Clemson. Psychology. Graduated. Worked in IT. Got two certifications in that. Went to my Masters Program. Got my Accounting Degree. Worked in some Corporate and Tax. Legally disabled since 20. Learned how to Busybody with the best of them. Learned God complexes. Was forced to develop a sense of humor. Pushed too hard. Trying to slow down. People still try to speed me up. Tired. Pissed off. Developed memory problems and a tendency to repeat myself, especially when people don't listen. Heard too much, seen plenty. Volunteered for 3.5 years at Crisisline. Never married. Dated someone for about 3 years or so. She got married. Not your fucking business. Anyways. I did try the trans thing briefly and flirted with the gay thing. Right after Clozaril stopped. Had to figure things out a bit after so much chemical and psychological manipulation. Decided I was too old and tired to experiment too much. Now I stay at home mostly. Until the people around me stop fucking with me. As long as it takes. Thinking about hobbies some. But right now my goal for hobbies is the guitar and writing. I need to go through a few extra belongings. Stop breaking into psych hospitals. I enjoy my cat. I like to read. The library doesn't like that I like to read. They don't like my Mrs. Doubtfire. They're pruds. I need to return that book but I hate going there now. They need to adjust their attitudes. All I'm trying to do is check out books. If they make it difficult then it will be difficult. I advocate some. I don't understand their narrowmindedness. Public areas are for EVERYONE. GET OVER YOURSELVES.
That's a basic outline. Thank you for reading.
This Week
Let's see... this week I have to pick out more stuff for the checkers to donate or throw out... I have coffee... I have mindful... I need to reconnect my printer and my tv to the network (thanks FBI if that was you). Check the website to make sure no one will kill me over what it says... check the links again... reduce my old OTC/hygiene stuff... work on my anger... avoid filing more reports... Not yell at anyone... Be careful not to overexert... go for some walks...
Last Names
I realize there has been a lot of stress in the community over my last name and people with it. To some extent people need to mind their own damn business. To another extent, people need to stop making everything MY specific problem. Regardless of the blame game, people have to live here. Myself included. Only so many holes to bury me in. So to everyone on earth: it's only a name and each of us is only one person. I need to consolidate my memory and work on my health with my team. Whatever it is you want from me or people who know me, you can leave comments or contact the email provided. One person or one group of people (a family, a hospital, a community) can only do so much. For those of you who desperate to shut me up, medicate me, career me, or otherwise manipulate me into this that or the other thing, please fuck off. I will do what I can when I am able. DO NOT GIVE ME INSTRUCTION. DO NOT FUCK WITH ME. The Federal Govt may own me (through Disability) but no one else does. I am not your property. Contact the FBI or my treatment team if you feel otherwise. Thank you.
Communication
I'm Reminding everyone who knows me or wants something from me, DO NOT CONTACT ME IN REAL LIFE or AUDITORILY. If you need to contact me, there is a comment feature and an email, I have facebook, whatsapp, some people have my number and can leave texts or emails. Again, I have asked FBI to monitor my communication due to continuous harassment. I intend to keep my own damn opinions until my dying breath and to aid and assist the general community in what way I can, which will be determined by my treatment team free of undue influence. You harass me or them and there will be reports filed. So leave it be. This DOES NOT GET FIXED. IT IS CALLED MEDICALLY COMPLEX FOR A REASON. Leave it be.
Faith
Years, ago, when I was highly medicated, I walked around as if I was a different person. My mind was simpler. My thoughts and dreams were different. It seemed natural to focus on career and wealth and being connected and pushing for more.
It is easy to put on those rose colored glasses, especially if you have letters after your name or you have chemicals in your system. But the world isn't that way. There are no angels here on earth. This is reality. There is safety and there are dangers.
Names are not everything.
I do not believe there is perfection anywhere, in anyone, or anything here on earth.
Do I believe in God? Am I saved? I've gotten that a lot. I do not believe in predetermination. I also do not believe in good works buying one's way to heaven.
I do believe in God. I was raised Catholic. Some events in my life have challenged my beliefs. And I have known atheists and God Complexes and pop culture types and Hindus and Muslims and even Shintoists and Deists and polytheists.
So I believe in one God, but I'm ok with people believing other things. I do not believe there is one recipe for life. I am not looking to be converted by any religion. The biggest issue I have with Christianity is the Gender roles. The second biggest is the pitting of science vs the Bible. I happen to be one of those weird people who believe that the Bible and Evolution can both be true. God created the Earth and everything on it, including the evolution of the animals. Just like Angels can fall, man can lose his way in different ways. Anything can change. The earth can change. People can change.
Being addicted to sameness or perfectionism or a particular person or thing is dangerous.
I've gotten a lot of feedback from different people and places. I have trouble remembering. But I am a collection of all of that experience. Various Hospitals, countries, people. Given my health, I need to consolidate my memory and try to learn from all of this fairly intense experience.
The best way to not get like this is to be careful what you experience. Be careful with what you put in your body, how hard you push, what influences you expose yourself to. If you're on antipsychotics, that's harder to do. People looking to convert me: My mind is too stressed and overwhelmed to really absorb much more. Don't try too hard.
Memory
So going back to Memory and the difference between remembering and recalling as explained by Clarity.
I can REMEMBER.
At any given time, I have trouble RECALLING specific events and specific pieces of information. This can happen with learning disorders, dementia, or with trauma. I have been dx'd with the first and third of those. I have tried Amantadine, Namenda, mirapex, and I think Aricept, along with the ADHD meds.
If you wonder why my communication is bad, I may be in a different time period, I may be in fight or flight, or I may be trying to recall different pieces of information.
No matter what, don't expect a lot of give and take, fluid and present time related conversation for sustained periods in large groups of people or chaotic environments. If they haven't mastered that yet, they never will.
Psychiatry and Boundaries
So I'm coming back to Psychiatry and Boundaries. An INTELLIGENT professional is AWARE. When approaching the patient, the professional understands that the patient is not him/her. The patient is not your reflection. Residents are not eye candy. They can on occasion be smarter than you. Just because you're not talking does not mean time has stopped.
Tax Trauma and Mipolar Misorder
Another good way to develop PTSD is to do twice what the next person does. For example, get a job at a tax company. Work out of two offices. Take the day shift. Accept every walk in. Go nuts. End tax season barely knowing what day it is. Complete twice as many returns as a similar level preparer who uses it as thier main gig.
You push hard enough, you don't need an adhd or a bipolar to make it official.