Change, Growth, Healing, Fixit

    Different mentalities exist in the world. Maybe I owe certain people certain things. But my life has been rather tortured and drugged. Once I'm dead hopefully people will whisper my truth far and wide. They'll DE medicate and repent their medical perfectionism. Because some people will never change. They need the money, they want the money. They don't know how to grow. 

    And then they suck me back in and I'm like them again and that's how they keep me there. Strength can look strange. Because it doesn't involve fixits or whateverisms. It does not involve looking the other way or saying it's not me. It does not involve staying silent. And that is what this website is for. To speak the truth I cannot speak in the company that I keep: Drugs and silence are dangerous in combination, people can be too. 

    So I'm warning everyone I can via this website: Certain people in South Carolina are dangerous. I've known quite a few. Use your own good judgment and caution. That is what I am able to do for now. Stay away from the silence and the drug trains. Stay away from medicalized perfection and false lives. I'll try to do the same. 

Medicine

 

There's a Doctor just behind me
Counting every breath I take
Announcing every fault that I've known
Making up his numerous tests
Silence now the path "must he?"
inventing anew his prodigal son.
Never will he see his errors

Not until it's won and done.
Why can't we not be over?
I just want to flee this Supernova
Why can't we end this bullshit
I just want to not pretend it
I am just a stubborn misfit
I am just a problem child
I will only immolate you
Trust the Doc and drug away
I will find a Center for you
I will commit and lock away
I will work to demonize you
Just enough to shut you up
Love me. Love me. Love me.
Psychiatrist, won't you freaking whisper
Something that makes a little sense?
Trust him. Trust him. Trust him.
They want, what they want.

What she wanted

I believe that what she wanted was to remove me from this place. Plant me somewhere new as someone new. But I have work to do. Some clean up. And no resources to move. Until they tell me the evidence is not there, that there are no other victims, and with no resources to make a change, both my morals and materials dictate that I stay here. I barely know what I would do somewhere else on my own. This is all I have known.

Last names

are who we were, not necessarily who we are. Life requires building onwards with the required window dressing built in to allow the old to fade and the new to rise.