Supermedicated

It's very alarming to me to wake up from a supermedicated, highly controlled state of existence and see what I see. I trusted some of the wrong people too much. These drugs are dangerous. Very dangerous. There are people that won't let me break. I have to respect that. I have to respect it by warning others of what this stuff does to your mind and body. Very dangerous. These ideas they've been teaching about perfection, medication, gender roles, its not helpful. It will destroy people. It will end them in ERs. Like it did to me. It will put them in comas. Pushing too hard. Medicating too much. Forcing ideology. It destroys people. It lands them on permanent disability. It keeps them in bad situations. Clinging to the past. Do not do this to this country. Do not destroy these people. You can't lock up or ship out enough so long as you just create more monsters with hatred and broken ideology.

Community

I really am hoping to turn my attention to doing something more positive for this community, then watch a hospital system and my family fight over what I need and who is to blame. I just don't think this conflict is helpful. I don't think we need super medicated citizens permanently disabled just so they can look perfect and talk fancy. I really don't think it helps to learn 3 careers worth of information and burn yourself out trying to be everything to everyone. I don't think we need ODs in our ERs or people threatening each other. I don't think this is helpful. That's why, again, I'd like to thank the governor, the medical board, the cdc, scdhec, and DSS for stepping in. For putting the brakes. And mindfulupstate and city center for recognizing valid problems in this community. South Carolina has real problems. So, maybe, just maybe i should figure out what I need to do. And maybe accountability keeps people safe. The house was full of pills. Everywhere. So many different types. You have no idea how many pills. Far too many. Perfection isn't a virtue. It isn't safe. Can't be teaching people to drug it away. You end up with word salad, dx extravaganza, pills everywhere, dead tired, haunted, miserable, looking ok but not feeling anything like that, and then the physical issues... GI wrecked. Metabolism crazy. It's not worth it. It's so not worth it. Just leave people be. Let them be human but without controlling others or medicating them to death. We have the largest prison population in the world by far already. How many more will we lock up? If ok can be ok, and money is not the end all and be all, then maybe it's ok to let people be imperfect. And free. Maybe I like this place too much. But it'd be nice to see people treating others a little better. Not so focused on perfection and ideology. Religious or otherwise. Because I feel like I have a very hard core, brutal liberalism on one side and a hard-core conservatism on the other that can be brutal too.

Big Picture

I really hope people are starting to get the big picture. That overmedication is not ok. Abuse is not OK. Harassment is not ok. That whatever my problem is, carting me off from this hospital to that hospital and medicating the life out of me is not helpful. It's not helpful to force me to talk to lawyers and mental health staff. It's not helpful to inspire me to contact DSS or FBI or SCDHEC or the MEDICAL BOARD regardless of what my problem is. Whatever my problem is or isn't, some people aren't healthy together. I think, at a bare minimum, the entirety of the upstate mental health community can agree, as numerous ones already have, that I have unhealthy relationships and certain people need to stay out of my life. For the good of this community. For its safety and security. We are not good in combination. I've got to relearn a few things. Just leave it alone. Let it rest. Just leave people be. Let ok be ok. We need to all take some big steps back and try to forget. Let it all go. Permanently. Let's not repeat patterns. Let's not go back to the same people. Let's not threaten or hurt anyone. Just let it rest. Keep South Carolina safe. Peaceful. Quiet. Part of that is leaving me be. At least until these two people, and thier respective teams and consultants (which includes multiple mds) say otherwise. If every shrink with a name up the East Coast has already tried, and these two teams believe i should stay home, then maybe I should do that. The cat is doing well. He's been in such good spirits. Happy as a clam most of the time. I get upset at times. I start pacing and I get lost in my mind. Just leave it alone. These people are helping me. Let them do that. They're doing well. Don't make me talk to lawyers, DSS, anyone else. I don't like doing it. And if I have to go to a hospital, don't threaten me. It's not a good idea.

Drug Demons

Something that hadn't occurred to me until recently is how interesting people seem to find me. It was rather disconcerting at first. Being the last born of educated parents can affect the mind. Sometimes, people don't realize and make it worse.

If you get the wrong types of attention, it can distort the mind. Interpretation can run amuck. It's easy to get labeled bipolar, especially if you're male. Doesn't mean the label is helpful or the medications either. Highly perfection oriented populations can misdiagnose so easily. Distorting someone's perception of the world and themselves isn't hard to do. Creating chaos, through highly traumatic events or through unpredictable and varied demands will create people with many talents and little consistency. It will make them act bipolar. No chemicals required. They will rise and fall and be agents of chaos, because that is what they were taught. You don't have to go to McClean to know what messed up is. While some dx's like DID are rare and not well understood, they are not so rare in fact. Because these problems, they have like problems, and some hide better then others. The symptoms shine through. For DID and borderline, it's those patterns. Very well defined patterns. Reinforced patterns. Locking up people with patterns is like locking a bunch of thieves in an art museum. What will they learn from each other while gazing on valuable things they cannot have?  How will they heal? There's a few dozen geniuses with psych MDs that are so incredibly allergic to the truth. They can't see how they are part of the problem. They don't want to see. They want the reputation and money. It's sad. Promoting drugs and finding problems with people. It's truly sad. They may think I'm the insect they couldn't quite kill or stop from buzzing. But I am the warning. I am the warning of what fault finding can bring. Now they need to see that reflection. So the world can be safer. Demonizing people creates exactly that: demons. Drugged, useless demons. So great job guys, I'm sure we all appreciate it.