Do not go back to that Gentle Table...

Rage, Rage, against the submission to the overlords. 

Maybe not all of South Carolina needs protection from toxic masculinity. Maybe it really is just me. But the end of bipolar and this medicalized perfection shit doesn't have to be ugly. I have to take George's advice. Bipolar dies when I let it die. It stops haunting me when I let it go. Clozaril stops being "my medicine" when I make it obvious that it's not necessary. I do have a few lawsuits to file. But that needs to wait. Because I'm one person. And the state of South Carolina and the FDA have a lot on their plate. And Clozaril is out of date. It's not used much anymore. It's long out of patent. So, doctors just need to be intelligent, use other options. I'll just have to trust that the doctors of South Carolina find their wisdom and their humanity and stop treating people like science experiments. Then they won't have to sue anyone. Their health can be just fine. But we got here together. I was taught this bullshit as a minor. Now I have a few small repairs. I need people to back off Angry, while Angry changes a few legal names and etc. I'll have to visit my Social Security friends... oh they just loooooooooove me... But let's not be stupid. I don't want to have to file reports. A few small repairs. Then I can be kind and less delusional. After the Bullshit stops, we can all sit down. 

I keep coming back to...

I can't go back to the past. My body is not what it used to be. I can't keep shooting for the moon. I have to let go. move on. Stand alone. Smaller goals. My memory is not... cohesive. I remember. I can't recall. But I've got plenty of help. They won't let me down.

Future

I don't know where the future goes. I just know it can't be like the past. I have to think about the good eggs. I'm trying to think of the good people. The people in the middle. I have a lot of thinking to do. Things to do, people to sue. Potentially. That's why I need to think. Not something you do lightly. I have to think about what's best and what's necessary. Keep people safe. From God complexes with rx pads. Anyways, just by staying alive, I warn people about liberal medicine. So I'm going to be quiet for a while. Just post, medical, mind my own business... catch up with friends, take a vacation from perfectly irredeemable. I'm trying for the middle. Just ok.

The Mirror

I've been spending a lot of time looking in the psychological mirror. I hope we are all doing likewise. Because I firmly believe that some of these experts who have pointed out that people do not accomplish things on their own, but in combination are right. That SDOH was flagged for a reason. Individuals or even groups within a community are not the end all and be all. We sink or swim together. That requires everyone to have a voice. I'm not the only one with rough edges. I'm not the only one who gets defensive. I do like the occasional luxury. But unwanted luxuries bring unwanted pain. Use of threats and force is not helpful. Maybe if all the Angries back off, then it doesn't have to be that way. I'm not great at communication. But instead of further contemplating suing people from SC to MA, maybe people can just mind their own business. Certain people can stop stealing from other people. Certain other people can find their own peace. Even other people can work on further other people's problems. I can move back towards doing some taxes. Maybe write those stories. If we can all just mind our own business. 

The point I'm trying to get across is that people need to be very careful with getting in other people's space, making threats, and using drugs (Prescription, substance, or illegal substance). It scares me when people imply that illegal drugs are ok or safe. It concerns me when MDs abuse their power. But I need to let the government worry about all that. They can't reclozaril me. That's the important thing. I get to make choices. Some people are not good in combination. Better separately. Sink or swim. People need independent thought. Cannot play with fire. We'll all get burnt. So I step back. Stand alone. As I need to.

Sharing

I can't actually be shared between Italians and Americans, Conservatives and liberals, Doctors and patients, men and women, unless people get a grip and stop being so controlling. 

Small Fish

Now that I supposedly have FBI protection and the attention of public health, I have to jam up the program. Stop the med train in Greenville County. That means talking as much as possible while I still can. 

Miss the Pain

Hello

Can you hear us

Am I getting through anew?

Hello

Is it great here?

There's a prescription that was mine

Are you sure I'm here alone

'Cause I'm

Trying to explain

Something's fucked

I just don't sound the same

Why don't I

Why don't I

Find some pride

Or go outside

Kiss the pain

Whenever I need me

Kiss the pain

Whenever we're gone too long

If your eyes feel empty and greedy

Miss the pain

And wait till I'm gone

Keep the times

We're under the same lies

If the light's

As empty for me as for you

If you feel

You can't wait till morning

Ban the scripts

Hello

Do we miss me

I'm told you say you do

But not the way I'm missing truth

What's new?

How's the volume?

Does it echo now and then?

You sound so close but it feels like you're so far

Oh would it mean anything

If you knew

What I'm left imagining

In my times

In my rhymes

Would you know

Could you grow

Eat the pain

As you fall

And are disturbed.

Think of clozapine

Then ban it

Don't be stupid

Forced druggings don't help

Eat the pain

Wherever you hide me

Eat the pain

Whenever I'm gone too long

If your work

Feels empty and predatory

Eat the pain

And look for the light

Keep in mind

We're living the same lies

And the night's

As empty for me as for you

If you feel you can't wait till morning

Miss the pain

(Miss the pain)

Hello

Can you hear us?

Allergies

 My Allergies keep changing. Now I'm allergic to Good ol' boy doctors and narcissistic personalities.