Small Fish

Now that I supposedly have FBI protection and the attention of public health, I have to jam up the program. Stop the med train in Greenville County. That means talking as much as possible while I still can. 

Miss the Pain

Hello

Can you hear us

Am I getting through anew?

Hello

Is it great here?

There's a prescription that was mine

Are you sure I'm here alone

'Cause I'm

Trying to explain

Something's fucked

I just don't sound the same

Why don't I

Why don't I

Find some pride

Or go outside

Kiss the pain

Whenever I need me

Kiss the pain

Whenever we're gone too long

If your eyes feel empty and greedy

Miss the pain

And wait till I'm gone

Keep the times

We're under the same lies

If the light's

As empty for me as for you

If you feel

You can't wait till morning

Ban the scripts

Hello

Do we miss me

I'm told you say you do

But not the way I'm missing truth

What's new?

How's the volume?

Does it echo now and then?

You sound so close but it feels like you're so far

Oh would it mean anything

If you knew

What I'm left imagining

In my times

In my rhymes

Would you know

Could you grow

Eat the pain

As you fall

And are disturbed.

Think of clozapine

Then ban it

Don't be stupid

Forced druggings don't help

Eat the pain

Wherever you hide me

Eat the pain

Whenever I'm gone too long

If your work

Feels empty and predatory

Eat the pain

And look for the light

Keep in mind

We're living the same lies

And the night's

As empty for me as for you

If you feel you can't wait till morning

Miss the pain

(Miss the pain)

Hello

Can you hear us?

Allergies

 My Allergies keep changing. Now I'm allergic to Good ol' boy doctors and narcissistic personalities.

Coffin

She's a bit dusty, but Old Vlad only settles for zee best. Zee 1766 model, tricked out with bluetooth speakers and wifi. I stopped by Home Freako just the other day to check on the varnish selection...

Sleep

 I may have cracked the code.

Peace and quiet (Birds)

l-theanine plus melatonin plus flower extract

Meds as directed

CPAP

Let's call roll...

Angry? Present

Sad: rotating

Irritable? Rotating

Tired? Present

Inflammation? Present

Jealous? Faint, but Present

Sleepy? Present

Sore throat? Present

Tight and hot skin? Present

Fight or flight? Fight

Pain in face? Present

Disclaimer

    I want to reiterate that this is all fiction unless proven otherwise. None of this is true in any way unless proven otherwise by someone other than me. Just helps to ramble. So, rule #1, do not act on hearsay. In one ear and out the other unless it helps you personally. My energy is low. Some things may be permanent.

Gender Bullshit

I also think part of toxic gender norms is getting on men's cases when other men won't accept help. It's like... I TOLD YOU TO GO OUT AND HELP HIM... So if he refuses to accept my help, I just keep asking? Or I start helping anyways so that he gets pissed off? Oh right, I'm supposed to read minds. I forgot about that. Some people are just terrible at communication. No matter what you do, they're mad. Just starting to try is a mistake. I bet some people know what I mean. Or, go find whoever. Well, if he's hiding from you, you think he wants me to find him? Great idea. But seriously. Sometimes being around certain people just has bad idea written all over it. Something Springbrook mentioned. Not giving people too many chances. They actually did much better then the other hospitals. But they specialize in Autism, like Riggs, so I guess between that and the correct history, they saw a lot that others didn't see. CCBH was just all kinds of stupid wrapped up in a bow. They made no sense whatsoever. A trained chimpanzee could have taught those people better. It's not that they didn't want to try. They were simply blind. 

Let's Just Say...

I tried being boring. It didn't work out. Where I go, shrinks follow.

Staying Alive

Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk

I'm a woman's man, no time to talk

The music loud and the women warm

I've been kicked around since I was born

Well, now it's alright, that's okay

And you may look the other way

We can try to understand

The New York Times' effect on man

Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother

You're stayin' alive, stayin' alive

Feel the city breakin' and everybody shakin'

And we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive

Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive

Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive

Help me, woman

Well now, I get low and I get high

And if I can't get either, I really try

Got the wings of heaven on my shoes

I'm a dancing man and I just can't lose

You know it's alright, it's okay

I'll live to see another day

We can try to understand

The New York Times' effect on man

Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother

You're stayin' alive, stayin' alive

Feel the city breakin' and everybody shakin'

And we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive

Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive

Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive

Life goin' nowhere, somebody help me

Somebody help me, yeah

Life goin' nowhere, somebody help me, yeah

I'm stayin' alive

Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk

I'm a woman's man, no time to talk

Music loud and the women warm

I've been kicked around since I was born

And now it's all right, it's okay

And you may look the other way

We can try to understand

The New York Times' effect on man

Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother

You're stayin' alive, stayin' alive

Feel the city breakin' and everybody shakin'

And we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive

Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive

Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive

Life goin' nowhere, somebody help me

Somebody help me, yeah

Molly's got me with coffee pudding now...

 you know. like ice cream with espresso poured over. like that. affugato

Anyways, between city center, Springbrook, mip, ccbh, atlanta, belmont, stockbridge, mindful, half the psychiatry power on the east coast, dss, fbi, etc, you should have me pretty well figured out. I'd like to stay home now.  And i have to finish fixing this printer or buying a new one. Gotta file taxes paper this year.

Psychotica

     I have differences in realities with the people who own my home and car. I'd like to see those realities closer together or to own my car and home. Otherwise, I burn out quickly.

SDOH

 SDOH = (FAM1+FAM2)*(CHAOTIC BILINGUAL CHILDHOOD) 

= MILD AS + MILD ADHD + MILD AUD PROCESSING + cPTSD/DID

+

SIMPLE CARB DIET WITH RED MEAT = HYPERLIPIDEMIA + BORDERLINE DIABETIC

PTSD + CLOZARIL = ALL SORTS OF PHYSICAL AND PSYCH PROBLEMS. A WALKING TRAIN WRECK.

But at least we learned something. That's what the Nazis would say. Am I right? Would they not? I'm sure Conner is quite proud. At his multi-state clusterfuck. That Atlanta tried to stop. But Greenville wasn't listening. Fact. An MD recommended THC and I took it legally per medical advice. Fact. I'd like to not see this happen again. Fact.

PTSD

If the problems fall under PTSD as well, and the docs don't like the term DID or understand it very well, might as well just call it PTSD, right? Makes sense to me. Maybe the gender changeup didn't work out so bad. Now I have a bunch of ladies. Who are terrified that I'll learn their names or try to hug them. Not the end of the world. Though I don't think they need to worry. Too many people watching. Anyways, I got better things to do with my time. When I have the focus, the energy, and the calm.