OK

    Anger is a natural human emotion. It helps us learn about trust. It tells us when our boundaries have been violated. It helps us learn about the world. It helps other people learn about us. What's ok. What's not OK. Some things are not OK. But at a certain point its time to stop being angry. While learning from what caused the anger. That's why I want people to learn about woodruff road. So the world can have less anger. But denying anger makes it worse. I don't remember any apologies from the wrongdoers. That's what bothers me. But I cant let what happened control me. No matter how wrong it was nor how many red flags were missed. Because the world isn't responsible for my anger. Projecting my anger against people who did no wrong or continuing to be angry at unrepentant people makes no sense. I can't force people to recognize thier errors. I can't force people to repent. I am not justice. I'm a person. 

Relief

    It really is a relief to have my healthcare behind a firewall. It gives me peace. It makes me happy. I have privacy and control again. With Prichards, I wasn't getting what I needed. Leaves knew. Molly knew. Even Arson knew. Now I have room to breathe. That's why I know I'll be ok. Not because of a dx code or a med or thc. Because I have control. And room to breathe. And I'm grateful for that. 

Calm the Waters

Dear Friend,

    I hope you've been well. I know it's been a long time. My hope was that by reaching out to you, we could shut down some of the nonsense and the running around. Some of the lying and the poor boundaries and the threats and other abusive conduct. The God Complexes. Stuff like that.

    I hope that is what is happening. I'm not trying to stir up the hornets, but I was asked to bring some things to your attention by multiple people in the community. We just want to slow down some of the med trains and the lying. Be more productive and engage in less BS. I hope that we can do that. 

    Otherwise, they'll be looking for another hospital or center or hole to stick me in. And it's sad when you become allergic to people. But it's been rough. Two comas. Lots of running around and drugs. I'm counting on you and my team. I know there are people that want to help. I'm trying to help too. Some people don't listen. 

    Calm the waters. I need you to calm the waters. If we just listen, and act on the truth that we hear without lying... things can be better. Calmer. Less Psychociating. I know everyone has problems, but this is ridiculous. Otherwise it's a constant back and forth, one side vs the other, both scheming and lying and it just never ends. 

    I'm counting on my people. Calm the waters. Keep the bulls out of the china shops. 

Thanks

Ashes

Dear Healthcare Professionals

    Good news. We worked out a few kinks in the program. My families and I have been deep in disjointed discussions. We're changing the approach. Smoothing out some edges. Less specific. Going with a more PG theme. You'll be hearing more from the Tales from the Attick gang. Improving our boundaries. 

    Maybe a little less serious and confrontational when we have to talk again? That would be great. Tweaking the recipe a bit. Just a few more names and details to change. Maybe get things back down to a PG-13ish. Perhaps if I return, no talk of legal actions or jails? Threats aren't conducive. Thanks. All the one-way communication isn't working well. I still think Robin Williams is a good template, but we're learning as we go.

The Blood Connection

    Molly hab many secwets. Spidey hab many eyes, doh. 6 eyes, eight legs. The eyes see different tings. But Spidey's onto glue. Many spiders and dragonflies reporting back. Di Itsy Bitsies stand by. Ebben di search bats, just in case. Spidey catches a ride on Vlad sumtimes. Udder times...

    Vlad's always had a weakness for di A-. One night, Vlad was missing and the window was open. There were broken branches in the Southern Trees. Eddie started sniffing around. Before Spidey gnew it, we were riding hard towards the Blood Connection. Dat Bat. 

    Ennyways, Molly hab many secwets. She's been keeping a pew. But Spidey berry perceptive. She nebber wanted to clean house. She's very surgical when she cleans. Berry pwecise. Just a pew nuts to gadder. A pew leabes to prune. Dat's all. Berrrrry delicate, Molly is. She just doesn't like wildfires. She keeps her Arson limited. Berry limited. Because Arson can only do so much. Arson is a blunt instrument for a detailed problem. Can't just go throwing gasoline around. That wouldn't do. Precision. Intention. Delicate. Poetic Justice. That's how Molly is. 

Medical Board

    See, I'm rather convinced that Mindful is right. That when the evidence from the Medical Board, City Center, Mindful, MIP, and possibly Springbrook comes to light... Someone is going away for a while. Or at least retiring. At least one someone. And there are other survivors. It all started at MIP. It ended there. 

    I'm pretty sure MIP thought I was trying to go back but they were wrong. I'm not going back. I'm moving on like the poem they gave me. The one about going down another street. That one. I'm going down another street. Bigger and better things.

    But like I was saying... Besides me moving on, we have to make sure it's safe for the kids. That they have room to shine, that they have what they need to shine. So they can do their bigger and better things. We can help. You need to let people help now and then.

Trauma Counseling

What Trauma Therapy Can Help With

People seek trauma therapy for any number of different issues. Some of the reasons people might need trauma-informed therapy include:

    Combat trauma

    Accidents

    Assault or attack

    Domestic violence or intimate partner violence

    Community violence

    Natural and man-made disasters

    Medical trauma

    Injuries, including traumatic brain injuries (TBI)

    Physical abuse

    Emotional or psychological abuse

    Sexual abuse or assault

    Early childhood trauma, abuse, or neglect

    Traumatic grief

    Bullying in schools or workplaces

    Witnessing trauma or experiencing secondary trauma

9/15 ain't bad. I score 60%.

Doctors without Boundaries

    I think it's in the best interest of everyone I knew prior to 2019 to review their boundaries. To think long and hard about their actions and how they have affected others. To review their decision making. To keep their distance. 

    MAYBE I shouldn't get so close to minors. MAYBE conflicts of interest are bad. MAYBE the world doesn't actually revolve around me. MAYBE medications are as dangerous as "drugs". Maybe I should shut my trap before I speak aggressively. Maybe sometimes it's not my place to speak up. Maybe drugging and physically manhandling people has long term negative consequences. Maybe when people start talking about insurance fraud, protecting people, victims, too many meds, and jail around someone I know, maybe that's a bad thing. So many maybes. Maybe threats are bad. 

    I want the kids to be safe. I don't actually know any criminal networks; I just know Doctors without Boundaries. Doctors without Boundaries makes House calls. Doctors without Boundaries doesn't like to be questioned. I wonder why?

    You spend enough time doing something, you lose track of the effect of what you are doing. You get numbed. You start acting without thinking. Because you know what you are doing. Only, you push too hard and suddenly you're getting sued or called by the Governor or maybe contacted by Public Health. Then you wonder why. You get bitter about the times the crybabies managed to sway others. 

    But it doesn't have to be that way. Good boundaries. Slow down. Stay in lane. Don't interfere with other professionals, don't make threats, don't goad people, don't go out of your wheelhouse. Be kind. 

    I think we can all learn from DID therapy. Arson had a good idea...

Trauma and Harassment

    Something that MIP helped educate me about was trauma. It is unwise and unhelpful to bring up someone else's trauma in conversation. Let me repeat that. It is UNWISE and UNHELPFUL to bring up trauma.

    I realize some people will look down on me for being the way I am. That is their problem and not mine. Some people go to war and get a leg blown off, others get medically manipulated and end up in multiple comas and somehow come back. The result is trauma. You can call it PTSD, cPTSD, or in some cases, DID. I do not give a darn about people who are not intelligent enough to have common sense about trauma. The proper term is survivor, not victim.

    Furthermore, please do not make me file reports with regulatory or law enforcement agencies. I do not like doing it, contrary to popular belief. It extremely unwise (read: stupid) to goad or agitate someone with trauma. It is dangerous. I will not apologize for defending myself either physically or via legal means. That is my right and at times it is in the public interest.

    Some effects are permanent. Do not make me file reports. Do not cause public safety incidents. Do not make the ER's efforts to bring me back a vain effort. By intentionally disrespecting an impaired person you are not only committing an immoral action and endangering people, but you are breaking federal law. People can be locked up other than me. People can be Tased other than me. I 100% have the right to defend my person if necessary. 

    I'm REALLY getting tired of explaining the obvious. It is causing many people many problems when others violate federal law. Comments, I can ignore. But if someone becomes aggressive towards me or endangers myself or those I am with, I will defend myself and I will not apologize for that. The less I have to file reports or repeat myself, the better for everyone. I'm rather certain that the FBI, SCDHEC, the medical board, and others have better things to do with their time then separate people who are adults and should know better. 

    I do not discuss my trauma for a reason.

    If your IQ is above 70, you should be able to understand this and be held accountable for a lack of follow through. So, act like it.

Memory Exercise (Per Clarity Learning Center, 2019)

Repeat after me:

Ashes and Dust's memory is IMPAIRED. He can REMEMBER. He may not be able to RECALL.

Repeat that 63 times and then reconsider being demanding of me.

If you still have the desire to be aggressive towards me, consult a psychologist and then a priest. 

The Mental

   I don't know what goes on in people's heads. Now I'm just bitter. Before I was idealistic. Things change. People change. Sometimes there's no going back. I am past the point of no return. Anyone who wants to be in my life must respect my personal space and beliefs or you will not like the result. In short, don't mess with me. I'm tired of repeating myself. 

    Internalized Anger. That was 1997. It's 2025. It seems the anger is still there. Dont play with fire. You will get burned. Just leave me be. I am far beyond caring what your interpretations of my problems with my families are. I need to move on. That means leaving some people behind. Expecting people to change is like expecting the Red Sea to part. Only God does that. The truth is, sometimes life is just that: dark. I've actually written a lot more then I have posted but in the process of dealing with life changes much of it was lost. I can't actually change what I write every time someone doesn't like it. I'd never write anything that way.

IRL

I like playing with my cat. I want to spend more time with my guitar in private. I have a few things to sell. Please don't ask about my past or my family. I have more then a few ghosts. I like art. I like Spanish and French, though I'm not familiar with speaking French. I'm very much into technology. I don't actually like talking about myself. I lean towards European sports. I admire humility. I'm rather sick of being pushed around. I like to read. Ive spent so much time litigating my health that it has consumed me. I like cool weather and rain. I like animals. My skills are mostly academic. God grant me the peace to show up in public again, the patience to learn again, and the wisdom to bite my tongue. Grant psychiatrists the humility they so desperately need and the wisdom to shut their mouths.

Amen. 🙏 

Multiple Professionals Disorder

    When you have too many people giving you advice, it's very much like garbage in, garbage out. Too much noise on the line. There's been a lot of BS coming my way. So, congratulations, you get what you pay for. But it's making me angry. I'm trying to have a sense of humor about this. Otherwise, it's radio silence for now. 

    Never mind established research, let's circle the wagons and BS away. Never mind other professionals' standardized testing, let's be verbally abusive in a hospital setting. Find someone to blame, people.

    Honestly, what I'm engaging in could more accurately be called journalism then advocacy. But I'm trying to help. The health care workers are frustrated. Families are frustrated. I've been thinking about lawsuits. It needs to stop. There's not a hole to bury me in yet. So maybe back off angry. Just a little. Show some respect for the team. You think this is easy? You're dreaming.

People

    There was a time when I thought I had some understanding of people. I did love psychology. I'm so tired of trying to understand people. I write these words hoping someone might find some comfort in knowing that someone else out there struggles. When we're all just walking around, it's not so clear. Sometimes people say the strangest things. 

    Now I avoid people. It's gotten too difficult. I keep getting pushback. I don't understand the program. Then they get angry that I don't get it. As if I'm trying to obstruct. I'm just breathing, folks. Waiting for y'all to figure out what you want. I'll still be here when you do. Just make sure to keep it simple. Don't make me run around, waste my energy and my time. I've done that enough. I just don't get it. 

    Now it's like shooting in the dark, tired of getting hit. Sometimes hospitals try too hard. They try to accomplish too much in too little time, then get mad when it doesn't work out. Kinda like a fools rush in thing. I'm still trying to figure so many people out, and they're tired of trying to understand my lack of understanding. I've had many people like me. Now it seems hard to do. 

Cocky

    Some people are cocky. They like to tear other people down. I met a few in the hospital. It was sad. See, in life, we are meant to pay attention to what we are trying to do, not to tearing other people down. Some people miss that one. They can't resist. It's like their crack cocaine, tearing other people down. Me, I try to reserve it for people that need to be deflated a little. People that are presuming. And I try to use it sparingly, because I'm more used to the opposite. At Crisisline, my first priority was following protocol. But I was there to help people. To listen. And if they kept me around for 3.5 years, I must have been good at it. I'm just having trouble enjoying things. No need to get smart or threaten. I don't have as much energy as I used to. I have to save it for taking care of myself. Maybe I got a little off track on the advocating. Such a strange word. I went in a few different directions. I don't understand what's going on. Some days, it's like walking through traffic blindfolded. Some people are pushing me forward. Others are frantic that I'm going the wrong way. It's gotten to the point that I don't like being around people anymore. And that's sad. I've been getting mixed messaging from people. And a lot of pushing. And I don't get it. Not sure which direction this is going. But I'm very tired. The fewer suggestions, the better. Less opportunities for making mistakes that way. Sometimes I just like listening to the tone of voice, and not the content. Especially with young men. Men can be the very worst know it alls. There was one prick in the hospital. I wanted to work him up. A young punk. Extremely obnoxious. I've met a few like that. It's not very impressive.