Bewilder

For someone who doesnt actually do all that much, i find the attention I recieve rather bewildering. I just need to rejigger my priorities, clear memory, focus. Quieter life is nice.

Pill talk

So, I got caught up in the pills talk and the pressure. I can't do that again. Stay away from the pills. I'm serious. As few as possible. 

Forgiveness

So back to forgiveness, I think if everyone just cuts each other a break, minds their business, it's quite possible. That does mean respecting privacy, not stealing, not threatening. Not lying to people's faces. Maybe less gossip. Less intimidation and God complex stuff.

Embarrassing...

So its kinda embarrassing but this is my life. I need to find my hammer and see if the futon is repairable or junk. Writing to do, house to maintain, it to fix, taxes to file. Exercise. Maybe improve recall. Spend more time in kitchen. Less time planning legal action. More important things. More fiction. Less advocating. Advocating tiring. Maybe someday I'll take one of those CCTP tests. Put my psychology to use. So many tests. Taxes gets old though. I hope public health is learning. 

Blah blah...

Some people, you can tell them the truth 20 different ways and all they hear is blah blah you're right. I agree. Let's do it your way. So now I just tell the whole world my lies and delusions and I let them judge. If thousands of people verify my words every month, the truth will come out. I'll be safe. The BS will stop. We can all sit down.

Nervous

Anyways, this talk of protecting people and victims makes me nervous. Then arson says studied... and I thought, well why not. Let them study. Let them decide. I'm not the one talking about victims and protecting someone regarding pills. So now I Let the fbi and people decide. And hopefully I can stay in my home. I'm tired of this.

Retaliation

Anyways, after Ccbh... harassing phone calls, some doctors being inappropriate. There was just one I recognized. And I can't quite be 100% sure. But I believe it was the one to one that was there when they told me to kill myself. So now the fbi stands in-between. with public health. so we can calm the waters... sort this out. not threaten each other anymore.

Antagonize

See, I'm not actually trying to antagonize anyone. I'm shutting down some BS. That's all. Keeping people safe. Certain people in the community are concerned. I know they'll back me up. At City Center. Springbrook. IMA. Even MIP. So that's what I'm doing. In my own way. We're helping each other. And Public Health too. I know my friend. I know the type of person she is. And she will hold the line with the rest. I just mind my own business. Lower my anger. Try to refocus. Writing to do. Gotta new printer coming. the old one went nuts. Then I can do taxes. Take care of home. Maybe go out more. Once people get with the program. Find something else to talk about.

Trauma

I'm far from an exception. Many people have trauma. They just don't talk about it. I talk about mine to shut down the bullshit. I got a lot of pushback. But the messages appear to be filtering through. Male, female, race, money, it doesn’t matter. Life finds you. So i keep harping till people get the message. Even if that requires FBI looking up my ass. Cuz I get tired. They may own everything, but they don't own me. So I'll just continue my little crusade. As long as it takes to shut these doctors up. To me, somethings are wrong no matter how well you hide them or dress them up. I'm glad I fired my ent. He obviously didn't work for me. 

It'd be easier to be nice to doctors if they got off thier high horses and demonstrated some comprehension. Spidey gets frustrated. If they could add autism and childhood factors together, it's really not that hard. Throw in 90s era toxic bullshit and med complications and bingo. I know people of my generation get it. It's not that hard. I have a couple of hospitals and a doctor's office to sue. And if there are other victims, its on them to come forward. It's on public health to deal with this circus and cover-up. But I hear a word from those doctors, I'll be filing reports. Sick of protecting people who don't give a shit. They just whine about being nice to them and look for excuses. Pissed off the wrong human. Dont worry though, there's records and witnesses. Doesn't matter what I say. I can't protect you even if I wanted to. I mean, it would be difficult.

The Mindless...

Vlad. They're wandering into traffic again. Get Flappy. 

Public Service Annoucement

All healthcare workers, please stand down. Today is music therapy.

P.S. Fellow Patients...

You don't know me. So keep your opinions.

Dear Doctors,

 (We going?)

Take me
Oh no another nosebleed
She said to stay off the slope please
I said I swear that I'm clean

Step in the wrong direction
Help me...
Guess I learned my lesson.

I'm not myself without my medicine
I took some Ritalin
Wasn't a little bit
Nobody else would rather see me finish it
I'm fucking over it
It always makes me sick

Alone with all the things that kill me
Do you even know the real me
I don't need your sympathy

Step in thе wrong direction
Help me
Guеss I learned my lesson

I'm not myself without my medicine
I took some Ritalin
Wasn't a little bit
Nobody else would rather see me finish it
I'm fucking over it
It always makes me sick
(It always makes me sick)

This is the part where I freak out
Don't know what to do
Said you wanted just a rebound
All I ever do is shoot
You don't want to see me geeked out
Baby that's the truth
This is the part where I freak out

I'm not myself without my medicine
I took some Ritalin
Wasn't a little bit
Nobody else would rather see me finish it
I'm fucking over it
It always makes me sick
I'm fucking over this
(I'm fucking over this)

It CANNOT be about...

Revenge. It has to be about healing. But healing requires justice. And they're mad at me. Because I'm not perfect. Because I know their playbook. I know their secrets. I was thier buddy. And should I become credible before they shut me up... they could be arrested. The whole lot of them.

Technically...

Regardless of what anyone says or does not say, does or does not do... Federal law is jurisdiction of every law enforcement officer in this country. So technically... if we have the evidence... there's actually nothing stopping me from going to any police department in Greenville County. That would get the ball rolling. If I'm credible. Then they would have to act. Sworn oath and all that. So... technically... less then a mile. But would they believe me. Would I be safe. Would anyone vouch for me. Against the doctors. It's not actually that easy to do. You'd think so, but they know people. So I guess i need to be clean and clear for a while. Before I go around making statements. And you wonder why im angry and afraid. Hmmm... I wonder... problems? Oh nooooo... he doesnt have problems... never... all in his head... the doctors just looooove him... I bet the next person that contacts me does so to protect the doctors. From crazy disabled guy. Gotta protect those doctors.... yep... just like woodruff road.