Plan

    Ok, so here's my idea. That Arson gave me. What we can do is improve the system. Granted, I never worked in audit and my memory isn't totally cohesive, but... If we do this Patch Adams style... keeping in mind the deteriorative effect of trauma on health, we can improve South Carolina Health care. One ego centric doctor at a time.

I just need to be careful...

because I'm narrowing down a list of lawsuits. Against clozapine manufacturers, McClean, the narcissist, and his script happy friend(s). And contemplating the finer points of racketeering. Free of intimidation or extortion. Maybe rambling delusionarily. When I hear of illegal activity. It's just the birds talking. Never you mind.

Allergist

    The allergist's office is funny. Oh they crack me up. The nurse. She's hilarious. She literally quotes the doctor. Quotation marks. Then she lists her degree and her certification. Every time. Like, yes, I do have a Bachelor's degree TYMV. Yes, I do have an RN, thank you very much. No, I don't want to hug you, TYVM. Two ENT recs. Maybe they can figure this deviated septum thing better then Mister Part of the Club. Maybe some medical is necessary. But MIP old guard went on a tear.

Channels

I do feel like a fish. 

There are people who want to influence me. I don't enjoy being obsessed with a mission. A calling. They don't like the one that I chose. But I have to finish what I started. And the result is not up to me. Public Health and the government decide. That's the way it should be. People decide. Not one person or specific close interests. The public. You would not be satisfied with law enforcement, my IT work, psychology. So now you get auditing. Fuller style. And who better? I know your game plans. I know your hospitals and your systems. I remember Springbrook almost as well as mip. I know your drugs and dsms. I have a job to do. I may be your demon... but not everyone's. And in the end, justice is blind. Too many witnesses. Too many eyes. I'm not actually museum piece. But if I have to be a public referendum, then a court must decide. As quietly or as loudly as you make necessary. ✨️ chronic inflammation. Medical complex trauma. Stockholm syndrome. Look it up. Now... names to change, delusions to adjust. People to ignore. I'm federal property. Until a court rules. God complexes to shut down. 

It's just really wierd...

how it seems like so many people had me figured or thought they did long before I did. I've been switching a long time now. Since childhood. Usually about 8. It doesn't go away. It integrates. The memory combines through new neural connections. My brain heals. That's all. And I can help. Slow down the hyper medicalization. 

Sometimes I wonder why people tell me some things.

I really do. Or find me interesting. My life is exciting in the wrong ways sometimes. I need to focus. But it has to be more then writing. I just worry about the directions I go in. Some people find me entirely too interesting. Psychiatrists, for example. 

Distracted

    I got distracted again. Thinking about life and law. I just find everything rather distracting. You know, elle said something back in the 90s. She said I was a trip. Reminds me of that lady I tutored. She was a psychiatric nurse. She wanted to open a community center. I think it was cost accounting. I was helping her learn how to run one. So maybe y'all could cut me some slack. You know? If I'm helping your own people. She was from West Virginia. we worked together several times.

Nuerologist

I waver between delusional and not so delusional, amused and not so amused. But this was kinda funny. She said to see my internist about the physical and a psychiatrist about the rest. In progress and done. Hmmm... yes... strange. Not related to VNS. Well, I didn't think so. I need to go to the library. I still question some of the life choices, but this gets tiresome. I really wouldn't isolate, but I think maybe it helps me focus. And I'm concerned. One of the old guard was at ccbh. He discharged me. Like they thought if I saw one of them, I'd simply forget what they did. No. Not quite that stupid. "Psychotic" or very much not... I'm not that stupid. I need to work on angry. Angry's a little upset. About the old guard. And their friends. Working together to keep me quiet. But, not my mess...

Journey

    So, we're on a journey. Just like Arson wanted. Human science experiment on a journey. To understand what medication can and can't do. And hopefully take clozapine off the market for good. Maybe discourage Harvard drug trials. Maybe shut down some God complexes. Maybe dismantle a cult. Welp, I drank the Kool-Aid. It's wearing off. You wonder why I'm weird? Why I'm so... hyper and tired and anxious and stuff? Well now you know. 

Forensic Psychiatrist Humor

How many Forensic Psychiatrists does it take to unscrew a DID? 

Only half the East Coast.

Dangerous

Sometimes pain is just pain. Sometimes people look at me like I'm dangerous. 

What I need is for people to understand the real danger. Prescription drugs. Doctors being too close. Because then it starts looking like racketeering. Insurance Fraud. Gambling with people's lives. Human Trafficking. Then I start thinking about Federal Agents moving in. SWAT teams. Filing reports. Social workers. Protection. Lives of crime dressed up as doctoring. Some people can't touch me now. Because I switched. I'm falling back on my accounting. My tax and audit. I have many questions. Many people do. I worry. But emotions aren't bad. Consciences aren't bad. Threats are bad. Extortion is bad. Intimidation and abuse is bad. This state has a problem. Revolving around clozapine and dirty doctors. Cleanup time is coming. 

Feet are doing better. Now it's head, face, back, sometimes digestive or respiratory. Sometimes my breathing becomes depressed. Sometimes I might stop breathing. But I'm getting rest and keeping professionals busy. Until this gets worked out. 

Release Us

I know that it's time for a change

Mmm but when that change comes
Will you still feel the same?

How many times have I tried to turn this love around?
I don't want to give up
But baby it's time I had two feet on the ground
Can you release me
Can you release me
Now that you're gone I can't help myself from wondering
Oh, if you'd have come down from your high
Would we've been all right?
Release me
Can you release me

Come on baby, come on baby
You knew it was time to just let go
'Cause we want to be free
But somehow it's just not that easy
Come on Darlin', hear me Darlin'
'Cause you're a waste of time for me
I'm trying to make you see
That baby you've just got to release me
Release me
Release me
I'm not going back to you anymore
Finally my weakened heart is healing though very slow
So stop coming around my door
'Cause you're not gonna find
What you're looking for

What is this power you've got on me
What is this power, Oh
What is it,What is it

Release me
Will you release me
Ah...Release me
Will you release me