Gambling

 Dear Elle,

    I'd better hope I know what I'm doing. This is a different type of gamble. I don't know how much change is possible. But I want to believe. How much can I do? I'm trying to trust.

    I didn't have much choice in the hospital. There was an agenda from the beginning. I could not engage with it. The staff was misguided and distracted by my past. The patients were hateful and ignorant. Not just towards me. I had to shut them out. Defense mechanism. 

    But it worked. Now I just need the follow through. Hopefully I can manage that. I guess you can't always protect me. I certainly can't protect you now. Maybe I can protect myself.

Ashes