The thing I've noticed about the helper is that it seems to be created and reinforced by experience, much like the rest. The helper can get out of control. Manifest as a workaholic, a busybody...
Then with stress, it gets wierd. I transfer stress from part to part, moment in time to moment in time, supress or relieve with music, passphrases, numbers, memories, people, sensations...
It gets outta hand, then it comes out in different physical symptoms, behaviors, communications, or it can mimic different mental health issues... there's so many to choose from... AS, Bipolar, unipolar, psychosis, adhd... everything. A different shrink, a different dx.
That accounts for my troubled relationships with family members... social workers, docs, people with letters. I'm happy to let the next generation shine. I'm tired.
The thing with dissociation is that it can easily resemble psychosis. And shrinks love psychosis. It's like crack to them. The excessive activity and abrupt changes in behavior can match bipolar and its vague standards most of the time. You add in weather changes and diet changes, interpersonal influences, you get seasonal affective disorder. The DSM is excruciatingly vague. Throw a dx at a wall, it'll stick. Lapses in attention? Maybe you lost sleep, had something bad to eat, the wrong substance, were stressed, were physically sick, had a hormonal balance, even a mild seizure from a bright flashing light... bingo, you got your adhd. Don't take the drugs. Not worth it. You'll have trouble eating. Trouble maintaining weight. Energy problems. Probably headaches. If you do take the drugs, try to keep it low. I've seen what the drugs can do. It it quite frightening. Academics only takes you so far. And eventually, you do have to quit. Hopefully before you're forcibly retired or sued.
Illegal drugs are bad. Legal ones are simply tweaked illegal ones.
Methamphetamines ADHD =Speed
Benzos/gabapentin = alcohol
Ketamine/spravato/Propofol = party drugs
Antipsychotics... dangerous beyond imagining... distort your perception... change your behavior... enable all sorts of things. But do NOT go on and off. That's very dangerous.
Minipress/propranolol... change your alertness... very dangerous. Alpha blockers, extremely dangerous. 911 dangerous.
Thing is, even people without a helper can lose sight of healthy limits. Too much work, trying to help too many, helping the wrong people, or misguided help.
Spidey a liddle tired. Feeling calmer doh. Ebbyday a gnew day! Wemember be careful about di adult parts. Spidey not so bad. Di cat will be out to play.
This is what happened. And now they know. Everyone knows.
DID... everything to everyone... the tax clients, the family, the hospitals, the crisisline, the safeharbor, multiple schools, multiple fields, IT, psych, it was hell.
I can't be DID... I can't be everything to everyone. I quit. I resign my last name.
And from there it builds... the scripts don't fix this... the scripts they created this...
They build it up... the mind takes it from there...
And suddenly the world is different.
I've never seen SWAT in action. Never had the desire. But i have a vivid imagination. And this morning, in the darkness they came... Through the silence I could hear sirens everywhere... men, in cars unmarked, marked, coming from everywhere with their guns and their badges, their body armor and their grim faces...
And then it was gone. washed away... washed away by the talkers...
So, if anyone has any questions about how to treat my professionals with respect, I refer you to your ethics requirements from your licensures, South Carolina State Law, Federal Law (including but not limited to HIPPA), SCDHEC, DSS, THE MEDICAL BOARD OF THE STATE OF SOUTH CAROLINA, OR IF NECCESSARY TO THE POLICE OR A COURT OF LAW.
You don't want to follow the law? Try me.
ANY QUESTIONS? ANYONE? ANYONE FROM SOUTH CAROLINA, PLEASE?
Oh, the Internist is gonna be so proud. I love to make my doctors PROUD.
Now it's brain fog. But hey, lost a lot of weight and stopped ADHD medication. Plus flashbacks of hospitals and of multiple near death experiences. My brain is tired.
So it's more of the same. Rest, mild exercise, nutrition, electrolyte water, calm app.
Do I revel in being miserable? Not quite. Seriously, you try stopping Clozaril after 21 years and see what happens. You stop retaining water, you stop wanting to eat, headaches, flashbacks, moodswings, BP changes, heart rate drops, even your body temperature is different. Slightly lower. Fatigue, nausea, tingling, twitches, tinnitus... feeling narcoleptic because you don't sleep deeply.
But seriously, if that stuff was helping, how did I manage to OD on three bottles of scripts while on a therapeutic dose? Anyone? Anyone at all?
It wasn't helping. So now the chemically suppressed memories and emotions come out and the body struggles to keep the mind together. I have to keep the body alive while the mind heals.
Genetics and chemicals? Well, I'm gonna go back to the nature vs nuture.
All of these disorders? Well people like to look for answers or find causes or demons.
Some people jump to look at their genes... others find a chemical or food or an environmental factor such as electronic devices or the weather...
History plays a role, in combination with the rest. I do not doubt that any of the disorders are not "real". They are complex. Autism, ADHD, Depression of whatever type, and Dissociation.
The thing I noticed about Covid was how psychological it became. People did die. I tested positive at one point. For me it was like a mild flu. But I saw people thinking they had it when they didn't, time after time. The thing that lasted was that autism spectrum seemed to become more widely known. I had to think about that.
ADHD... I've seen so often, parents of kids with ADHD, they get focused on the diagnosis whether they medicate or not, and it becomes an animal of its own. When there's so much to the relationship and the person. And then people don't see the social factors that are playing into the diagnosis. They don't see the nurture side of the causes and what drives it. The medications that are used most commonly? Methamphetamines, a close cousin of amphetamines. One of the earliest uses of amphetamines? Hitler gave his soldiers amphetamines at the outset of world war II to make them stronger and more energetic/fanatical. The result? Some of the worst atrocities mankind has ever known. These drugs, they crystalize the thought... but there are environmental factors. Eating a healthy diet. Getting enough sleep. Positive emotional relationships. The absence of head trauma, both physical and psychological. You have two kids and one has an LD? Maybe it's not the kid. Maybe it's not pure genetics. Maybe it's more complicated then that. Maybe, just maybe, you had a genetic predisposition, and the social and environmental factors did the rest. There will always be the weak and the strong. Both mentally and physically. Head trauma can cause all sorts of LDs. Head trauma isn't just physical trauma. It's psychological trauma. Accidents. Abuse. Neglect. Not that anyone needs to beat themselves up. It just means that it's not random, it's not just genes, and it's not just drugs.
