Sorting

 Let's see. Social workers...

Kat goes in the good people pile

Sharon might have some wrinkles she can smooth out with us

Records...

600 pages

Roscasch test

Medical board review

Spring brook

Ima

Greenville k

Vinewell

Phds

George looks clean

Assmussen is filthy

I think my clemson friends are looking well striped. The Stewart and her old boss.

Lpcs

Leaves is clean

Molly's doing some touch up with the details

tamy seems clear

Mo is solid

Psychiatrists

I think its a beautiful day in the neighborhood 

The Art sticks to the facts nicely

Arson's looking a little worn... we'll work on that

Small ... should be seeing patterns

No clue about mcclinton or gullet

Lee should be a Jean brand maybe. I think he has the righteous part well embedded

That Indian "workshop" lady... she can see patterns

Midwest looks good

I imagine my dream woman has insight still... 

Then the one that sounded... like intel I think. She can compute. With information.

Yes... taking some spot cleaner to prichards. But Assmussen... he needs a lot of work. Some TLC.

Yep, just doing a little mental cleanup... one professional at a time.

Music Therapy

People wonder why I need music. It's because I know things. In Greenville County. In Belmont, MA. A few small repairs.

My Own Prison

Cumbersome

I believe

Little Talks

What's Going On?

Just For

What's this Life For

Zombie

You Oughta Know

Eulogy

Sober Pink, Tool

Only Happy When it Rains

Valjean Arrested/Valjean Forgiven

Everything I Own

Who Knew

Whatya ya want from me

BOSTON

Hey Jealousy

Fast Car

Just Give me a Reason

Release Me

Yesterday

Counting on You.

I can't do this alone. I need support. Help me stop overmedicalization and toxic stereotypes. Slow down the med train!

I am not actually trying to change the whole world. I am trying to keep as many people as possible safe from DSMization, medicalized perfectionism, and toxic stereotypes as I can. I do not actually work in Psychology or IT or Healthcare. I do taxes when I can. I write when I can. I'm too old and too tired to keep this up. I can't divide myself among professionals or professions or interest groups. I need people speaking up. Saying that some shit doesn't fly. So, I'm just waiting on you guys. To start saying something. Stop the bullshit. Otherwise it never ends. ASHES AND DUST NEEDS YOU! To say "no" to doctors. Too tired for this shit. 

Doctors and Bipolar Bullshit

So, there's really no reason for anyone to be afraid, unless they have MD or PhD after their name. Because I'm pretty damn sure that there's plenty of South Carolina doctors who are sick of this Bipolar Bullshit. So long as people leave me be, and I am just a normal person in the state of South Carolina, there's no trouble here. But I would hope that people are taking my advice. Retiring or taking vacation days. Rethinking life choices. Rethinking DSM mania. Rethinking Bipolarization. Keeping insurance and recording legal contingencies. Shopping for defense attorneys. There's a few people who have a bone to pick. Interstate clusterfuck. Maybe I shouldn't have lied about the drugs. Maybe I shouldn't have lied about the coverup. That kinda thing. I have no idea why Malacheck is dead. Neither do the authorities. Some people are still alive. They need to rethink their life choices while they still can. Or it never ends. Until I'm dead and buried. Then other people can take legal action for me. I just don't see how this is OK. This is a country of laws. There are many. They are not optional. 

Do not go back to that Gentle Table...

Rage, Rage, against the submission to the overlords. 

Maybe not all of South Carolina needs protection from toxic masculinity. Maybe it really is just me. But the end of bipolar and this medicalized perfection shit doesn't have to be ugly. I have to take George's advice. Bipolar dies when I let it die. It stops haunting me when I let it go. Clozaril stops being "my medicine" when I make it obvious that it's not necessary. I do have a few lawsuits to file. But that needs to wait. Because I'm one person. And the state of South Carolina and the FDA have a lot on their plate. And Clozaril is out of date. It's not used much anymore. It's long out of patent. So, doctors just need to be intelligent, use other options. I'll just have to trust that the doctors of South Carolina find their wisdom and their humanity and stop treating people like science experiments. Then they won't have to sue anyone. Their health can be just fine. But we got here together. I was taught this bullshit as a minor. Now I have a few small repairs. I need people to back off Angry, while Angry changes a few legal names and etc. I'll have to visit my Social Security friends... oh they just loooooooooove me... But let's not be stupid. I don't want to have to file reports. A few small repairs. Then I can be kind and less delusional. After the Bullshit stops, we can all sit down. 

I keep coming back to...

I can't go back to the past. My body is not what it used to be. I can't keep shooting for the moon. I have to let go. move on. Stand alone. Smaller goals. My memory is not... cohesive. I remember. I can't recall. But I've got plenty of help. They won't let me down.

Future

I don't know where the future goes. I just know it can't be like the past. I have to think about the good eggs. I'm trying to think of the good people. The people in the middle. I have a lot of thinking to do. Things to do, people to sue. Potentially. That's why I need to think. Not something you do lightly. I have to think about what's best and what's necessary. Keep people safe. From God complexes with rx pads. Anyways, just by staying alive, I warn people about liberal medicine. So I'm going to be quiet for a while. Just post, medical, mind my own business... catch up with friends, take a vacation from perfectly irredeemable. I'm trying for the middle. Just ok.

The Mirror

I've been spending a lot of time looking in the psychological mirror. I hope we are all doing likewise. Because I firmly believe that some of these experts who have pointed out that people do not accomplish things on their own, but in combination are right. That SDOH was flagged for a reason. Individuals or even groups within a community are not the end all and be all. We sink or swim together. That requires everyone to have a voice. I'm not the only one with rough edges. I'm not the only one who gets defensive. I do like the occasional luxury. But unwanted luxuries bring unwanted pain. Use of threats and force is not helpful. Maybe if all the Angries back off, then it doesn't have to be that way. I'm not great at communication. But instead of further contemplating suing people from SC to MA, maybe people can just mind their own business. Certain people can stop stealing from other people. Certain other people can find their own peace. Even other people can work on further other people's problems. I can move back towards doing some taxes. Maybe write those stories. If we can all just mind our own business. 

The point I'm trying to get across is that people need to be very careful with getting in other people's space, making threats, and using drugs (Prescription, substance, or illegal substance). It scares me when people imply that illegal drugs are ok or safe. It concerns me when MDs abuse their power. But I need to let the government worry about all that. They can't reclozaril me. That's the important thing. I get to make choices. Some people are not good in combination. Better separately. Sink or swim. People need independent thought. Cannot play with fire. We'll all get burnt. So I step back. Stand alone. As I need to.

Sharing

I can't actually be shared between Italians and Americans, Conservatives and liberals, Doctors and patients, men and women, unless people get a grip and stop being so controlling. 

Small Fish

Now that I supposedly have FBI protection and the attention of public health, I have to jam up the program. Stop the med train in Greenville County. That means talking as much as possible while I still can. 

Miss the Pain

Hello

Can you hear us

Am I getting through anew?

Hello

Is it great here?

There's a prescription that was mine

Are you sure I'm here alone

'Cause I'm

Trying to explain

Something's fucked

I just don't sound the same

Why don't I

Why don't I

Find some pride

Or go outside

Kiss the pain

Whenever I need me

Kiss the pain

Whenever we're gone too long

If your eyes feel empty and greedy

Miss the pain

And wait till I'm gone

Keep the times

We're under the same lies

If the light's

As empty for me as for you

If you feel

You can't wait till morning

Ban the scripts

Hello

Do we miss me

I'm told you say you do

But not the way I'm missing truth

What's new?

How's the volume?

Does it echo now and then?

You sound so close but it feels like you're so far

Oh would it mean anything

If you knew

What I'm left imagining

In my times

In my rhymes

Would you know

Could you grow

Eat the pain

As you fall

And are disturbed.

Think of clozapine

Then ban it

Don't be stupid

Forced druggings don't help

Eat the pain

Wherever you hide me

Eat the pain

Whenever I'm gone too long

If your work

Feels empty and predatory

Eat the pain

And look for the light

Keep in mind

We're living the same lies

And the night's

As empty for me as for you

If you feel you can't wait till morning

Miss the pain

(Miss the pain)

Hello

Can you hear us?

Allergies

 My Allergies keep changing. Now I'm allergic to Good ol' boy doctors and narcissistic personalities.

Coffin

She's a bit dusty, but Old Vlad only settles for zee best. Zee 1766 model, tricked out with bluetooth speakers and wifi. I stopped by Home Freako just the other day to check on the varnish selection...

Sleep

 I may have cracked the code.

Peace and quiet (Birds)

l-theanine plus melatonin plus flower extract

Meds as directed

CPAP

Let's call roll...

Angry? Present

Sad: rotating

Irritable? Rotating

Tired? Present

Inflammation? Present

Jealous? Faint, but Present

Sleepy? Present

Sore throat? Present

Tight and hot skin? Present

Fight or flight? Fight

Pain in face? Present