MIP

 MIP and I been goin' steady for about 27 years.

Small

 

Dear Small

    You look quite lovely in scrubs. There's a white coat I could get used to. Been playing with fire? Dangerous business. You do understand why I'm doing this, yes? I'm a little less flappy these days. Prichards used to play with fire, too, you know. I'd hate for you to like it too much. It gets old. Take care of yourself. I wouldn't want you catching flu again. Anna looks quite cross with me. And we had had such a lovely smoothing over the time before. You know I am capable of hearing non-blondes, yes? I think you should check my pulse. 

Have I told you lately, that I love you?

Have I told you, there's an arsonist above you?

Fill my take home bag with pill bottles

Smile and my heart surely throttles

Ease my troubles, that's what you do.

    Yours, 

    Ashes

Neck and Neck!

Volly

 

Vell, Volly, a rather vindictive lot they are... they keep drifting toward the website...

Volly, zee legged one is conspiring to drop leaflets over Falls Park.

You let them upgrade to a gigabit, we'll never hear the end of it... too bad I can't bring Small flowers... I suppose I could air drop them into the courtyard...

To do...

Let's see...

throw ccbh under di bus?

check.

throw mip under di bus?

check.

Prichards?

mmmhmmm...

Malacheck?

too late.

so tomorrow?

Same bat website, same batty writer.

Heart

 

Today's music therapy.

Angry

I think angry went the wrong way again. He keeps getting lost. You know, i think all any of these people would want is for everything to be ok. There's been enough excitement.

Pressure

 I guess the problem with asking permission is that there is a pressure to say yes even when someone doesn't want to. I've been on both ends of that.

Gratitude

 

One thing that I appreciate is that people clearly care, even when they don't understand. And they seem to try harder. But lately my energy is so low and inconsistent. I get frustrated with the medical. It's difficult to make decisions, but my life seems freer.

My allergies are really wearing on me. I think i developed a sinus infection. Resting it up. I feel that I'm getting too distracted by physical symptoms. fatigue, headaches. lack of sleep. I've become somewhat nocturnal. I get anxious around people. More posts to edit... details to change.

Interpretation of a traumatic event

I remembered something about trauma. It's been said that an event that one person finds traumatic is not always interpreted the same way by others. So, differences in perspective and perception may explain the different reactions and the confusion around me. But I'm feeling better with the changes in the weather. Summer is bringing out something different. A sense of relief at last, though that doesn't mean its completely over. Waves. Moving through steps.

Revolver

    There are many reasons why, every day, I take time to remind myself why I'm doing this. They revolve around the house full of pills, the .38, all the people involved, the ICUs, the ERs, the endless overmedicalization. And we know now more than we did then. That's why the past doesn't have to repeat. And from what I understand, legal action is inevitable. But, if I stay clear and the hospital makes some adjustments, then there can be a brighter future. For everyone. 

    So I may seem obsessed, but for me it's life and death for more people then just me.

Similarities with Munchousens

    My life does have similarities with Munchausen's by proxy. Being carted around from hospital to hospital, center to center. It makes no sense. Nope, we gotta dx and drug. Can't go with normal. That would make too much sense. Though since I do have several disorders independently confirmed in controlled settings, it's not fully explanatory. That's why over medicalized makes more sense. Real problems, exaggerated. Some are permanent. Autism. Mild adhd. Capd. Probably ptsd. I'm just tired of medical. Im not even that old. It used to be interesting. These doctors need to be more careful. That's why I wanted to talk to public health. Because I see it the way that Munchausen's video sees it. As a waste of resources. These magic maker doctors are straining the system with referrals and consults and drugs and tests. If they get a few auditors, they can save resources from being wasted.

    The more I can shut down the medicalization before it starts, the happier and safer we will all be.