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Thursday, April 24, 2025
DID Therapy
Regrets
Do I have regrets? Why yes I do. Let's prioritize some of the... less personal... there's overlap... here's a start.
Not getting married in my thirties
Suicide attempts
Bad boundaries with family
bad boundaries at work
overly regimented lifestyle
not putting myself first
relying too much
taking Minipress
prescription drugs in general
bad psychiatry
Building egos
time spent in hospitals
too much tv
too much education
too much advice
contacting people without permission
worrying too much, not having fun
too much alone time
trying too hard
not enjoying simple things
talking to the wrong people
not developing hobbies as well
traveling too much
sleeping too much
Helper
The thing I've noticed about the helper is that it seems to be created and reinforced by experience, much like the rest. The helper can get out of control. Manifest as a workaholic, a busybody...
Then with stress, it gets wierd. I transfer stress from part to part, moment in time to moment in time, supress or relieve with music, passphrases, numbers, memories, people, sensations...
It gets outta hand, then it comes out in different physical symptoms, behaviors, communications, or it can mimic different mental health issues... there's so many to choose from... AS, Bipolar, unipolar, psychosis, adhd... everything. A different shrink, a different dx.
That accounts for my troubled relationships with family members... social workers, docs, people with letters. I'm happy to let the next generation shine. I'm tired.
The thing with dissociation is that it can easily resemble psychosis. And shrinks love psychosis. It's like crack to them. The excessive activity and abrupt changes in behavior can match bipolar and its vague standards most of the time. You add in weather changes and diet changes, interpersonal influences, you get seasonal affective disorder. The DSM is excruciatingly vague. Throw a dx at a wall, it'll stick. Lapses in attention? Maybe you lost sleep, had something bad to eat, the wrong substance, were stressed, were physically sick, had a hormonal balance, even a mild seizure from a bright flashing light... bingo, you got your adhd. Don't take the drugs. Not worth it. You'll have trouble eating. Trouble maintaining weight. Energy problems. Probably headaches. If you do take the drugs, try to keep it low. I've seen what the drugs can do. It it quite frightening. Academics only takes you so far. And eventually, you do have to quit. Hopefully before you're forcibly retired or sued.
Illegal drugs are bad. Legal ones are simply tweaked illegal ones.
Methamphetamines ADHD =Speed
Benzos/gabapentin = alcohol
Ketamine/spravato/Propofol = party drugs
Antipsychotics... dangerous beyond imagining... distort your perception... change your behavior... enable all sorts of things. But do NOT go on and off. That's very dangerous.
Minipress/propranolol... change your alertness... very dangerous. Alpha blockers, extremely dangerous. 911 dangerous.
Theres responsibility here. ATF. Professionals. Distributors. Consumers.
Thing is, even people without a helper can lose sight of healthy limits. Too much work, trying to help too many, helping the wrong people, or misguided help.
Note to Reeders
Spidey a liddle tired. Feeling calmer doh. Ebbyday a gnew day! Wemember be careful about di adult parts. Spidey not so bad. Di cat will be out to play.
🕸️
Sigo viva
Casi muero. Tres veces. Tengo 43 años y vivo en Mauldin, Carolina del Sur. Estoy bajo la amenaza constante de desalojo. Soy discapacitado. Me esforcé demasiado. Estoy cansado. Estudié y trabajé en tres campos diferentes: contabilidad/impuestos, tecnologÃa de la información y psicologÃa. Estoy empezando a odiar a mi familia. Tengo una enfermedad compleja. Mi historial médico es interminable. Necesito bajar el ritmo.
Hijo, dijo, ¿tengo una pequeña historia para ti?
Lo que creÃas que era tu papá no era más que un...
Mientras estabas solo en casa a los trece años,
tu verdadero papá se estaba muriendo, siento que no lo hayas visto,
pero me alegra que hayamos hablado...
Oh, yo, oh, sigo viva.
Oye, yo, yo, oh, sigo viva.
Oye, yo, oh, sigo viva.
Oye... oh...
Oh, camina lentamente, cruza la habitación de un joven.
Dijo que estoy lista... para ti.
No recuerdo nada hasta el dÃa de hoy.
Excepto la mirada, la mirada...
Oh, ya sabes dónde, ahora no puedo ver, solo miro fijamente...
Yo, sigo viva.
Oye, yo, pero, sigo viva.
Oye, yo, chico, sigo viva.
Oye, yo, yo, sigo viva, sÃ.
Ooh, sÃ... sÃ, sÃ. SÃ... oh... oh...
¿Pasa algo?, dijo ella.
Pues claro que sÃ.
Sigues viva, dijo ella.
Ah, ¿y merezco estarlo?
¿Es esa la pregunta?
Y si es asÃ... si es asÃ... ¿quién responde... quién responde...?
Yo, oh, sigo viva.
Oye, yo, oh, sigo viva.
Oye, yo, pero, sigo viva.
SÃ, yo, ooh, sigo viva.
SÃ, sÃ, sÃ, sÃ, sÃ, sÃ.
Wednesday, April 23, 2025
Sponsors
DID would like to thank the following Sponsors:
SC DHEC
SocSecAdmin
DeptSS
THE MEDICAL BOARD OF SC
SC GOV OFFICE
AUSTEN RIGGS CENTER
MCLEAN HOSPITAL
MIP Hospital
SPRINGBROOK Hospital
CCBH Hospital
MEMORIAL Hospital
BETH ISRAEL DEACONESS Hospital
CRISISLINE
SAFEHARBOR
JV
LITHIUM
CLOZAPINE
SEROQUEL
DEPAKOTE
GABAPENTIN
RITALIN
ADDERALL
PRAZOSIN
PROPRANOLOL
ABILIFY
FANAPT
LATUDA
....
Electro Convulsive Therapy
rTMS
VNS
....
Please do not try this at home.
It will kill you eventually.
All in the family.
This is what happened. And now they know. Everyone knows.
DID... everything to everyone... the tax clients, the family, the hospitals, the crisisline, the safeharbor, multiple schools, multiple fields, IT, psych, it was hell.
I can't be DID... I can't be everything to everyone. I quit. I resign my last name.
familia
El DID no existe...
Yo no existo...
No te importa este sitio web...
Quieres quedarte en casa y ocuparte de tus asuntos...
No quieres llamar...
No quieres enviar mensajes...
No quieres que nadie más lo haga para informar...
No quieres visitar...
Quieres ocuparte de tus asuntos...
famille
DID n'existe pas...
Je n'existe pas...
Vous n'êtes pas intéressé par ce site...
Vous voulez rester à la maison et vous occuper de vos affaires...
Tu ne veux pas appeler...
Vous ne voulez pas envoyer de messages...
Vous ne voulez pas que quelqu'un d'autre le fasse à votre place...
Tu ne veux pas visiter...
Vous voulez vous occuper de vos affaires...
Famiglia
Il DID non esiste...
Io non esisto...
Non ti interessa questo sito web...
Vuoi stare a casa e farti gli affari tuoi...
Non vuoi chiamare...
Non vuoi mandare messaggi...
Non vuoi che qualcun altro lo faccia per riferirti...
Non vuoi visitare...
Vuoi farti gli affari tuoi...
Family
DID does not exist...
I do not exist...
You do not care about this website...
You want to stay home and mind your own business...
You do not want to call...
You do not want to text...
You do not want to have someone else do so to report back...
You do not want to visit...
You want to mind your own business...
SWAT
It starts with a memory...
Just a whisper of a yesterday...
Do you see me seeing?
Do you see my dreams?
Do you want to remember?
What can I forget?
And from there it builds... the scripts don't fix this... the scripts they created this...
They build it up... the mind takes it from there...
And suddenly the world is different.
I've never seen SWAT in action. Never had the desire. But i have a vivid imagination. And this morning, in the darkness they came... Through the silence I could hear sirens everywhere... men, in cars unmarked, marked, coming from everywhere with their guns and their badges, their body armor and their grim faces...
And then it was gone. washed away... washed away by the talkers...
2 to 7 to 5 to 3 to 4 to 3 to 6...
And then I wash away.
SARA
Sara, vive da sola
Studia, e poi lavora
Sara, non ha paura
Sara è già più grande della sua
etÃ
Sarà , fuori è felice
Dentro, a volte è triste
Sara, la vita è strana
Sara come sei sei solo tu...
Oh Sara
Che cammini sotto il sole
Hai deciso di partire
Per cercare un'altra vita
Da seguire
Oh Sara
Che cammini verso il sole
Contro gli altri contro tutti
Tu vuoi vivere ogni istante
Della vita...
Sara, si sente sola
Sara ora è lontana
Chiama, due volte al mese
Dice che per ora lei non tornerÃ
Sara, ha un grande sogno
Vuole, cambiare il mondo
Sara, è un nuovo giorno
Sara come sei sei solo tu...
Oh Sara
Che cammini sotto il sole
Hai deciso di partire
Per cercare un'altra vita
Da seguire
Oh Sara
Che cammini verso il sole
Contro gli altri contro tutti
Tu vuoi vivere ogni istante
Della vita...
Tu, lo, sai, che, sei
Nelle mani tue...
Tu, lo, sai, che, sei
Nelle mani tue...
Oh Sara
Che cammini sotto il sole
Hai deciso di partire
Per cercare un'altra vita...
(Da seguire)...
Oh Sara
Che cammini verso il sole
Contro gli altri contro tutti
Tu vuoi vivere ogni istante
Della vita
Oh Sara
Che cammini sotto il sole
Hai deciso di partire
Per cercare un'altra vita
Da seguire
Oh Sara
Che cammini verso il sole
Contro gli altri contro tutti
Tu vuoi vivere ogni istante
Della vita... Sara...
Tuesday, April 22, 2025
R.E.S.P.E.C.T.
So, if anyone has any questions about how to treat my professionals with respect, I refer you to your ethics requirements from your licensures, South Carolina State Law, Federal Law (including but not limited to HIPPA), SCDHEC, DSS, THE MEDICAL BOARD OF THE STATE OF SOUTH CAROLINA, OR IF NECCESSARY TO THE POLICE OR A COURT OF LAW.
You don't want to follow the law? Try me.
ANY QUESTIONS? ANYONE? ANYONE FROM SOUTH CAROLINA, PLEASE?
NO? SHUT YOUR DAMN TRAPS.
Pride
Oh, the Internist is gonna be so proud. I love to make my doctors PROUD.
Now it's brain fog. But hey, lost a lot of weight and stopped ADHD medication. Plus flashbacks of hospitals and of multiple near death experiences. My brain is tired.
So it's more of the same. Rest, mild exercise, nutrition, electrolyte water, calm app.
Do I revel in being miserable? Not quite. Seriously, you try stopping Clozaril after 21 years and see what happens. You stop retaining water, you stop wanting to eat, headaches, flashbacks, moodswings, BP changes, heart rate drops, even your body temperature is different. Slightly lower. Fatigue, nausea, tingling, twitches, tinnitus... feeling narcoleptic because you don't sleep deeply.
But seriously, if that stuff was helping, how did I manage to OD on three bottles of scripts while on a therapeutic dose? Anyone? Anyone at all?
It wasn't helping. So now the chemically suppressed memories and emotions come out and the body struggles to keep the mind together. I have to keep the body alive while the mind heals.
The Rose
Some say love, it is a river
That drowns the tender reed
Some say love, it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed
Some say love, it is a hunger
An endless aching need
I say love, it is a flower
And you, its only seed
It's the heart afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance
It's the dream afraid of waking
That never takes the chance
It's the one who won't be taking
Who cannot seem to give
And the soul, afraid of dying
That never learns to live
When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long
And you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong
Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snows
Lies the seed that with the sun's love
In the spring becomes the rose
Past Reflections
-
The full strength of the storm had set itself against me and I had prevailed. In all honesty, it was not even a proper mountain, merely a gl...
-
The voice on the phone was familiar to him and still talking, but he had stopped listening several minutes ago. She obviously didn't...
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For Ashes, life was always about the spark. The hard part was avoiding a wild fire. With the spark, everything was meaningless. But after a ...
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I can honestly say I never understood the world. I was naïve. The people around me told me I had to change, to be like them. I wanted to, bu...
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I have lost my way before, it's true. I have retreated into the distance, pulling back from the world in pursuit of shelter from the sto...