Self Defense

I do not like weapons.

I bought my first self-defense weapon in 2024. I say that because it was the first time I bought a weapon with the intention to defend my person long term. 

It happened during tax season. One too many verbal assaults. There were 2 I can remember considering contacting law enforcement. A big guy that started screaming "BULLSHIT" when I tried to explain that I could not deduct certain trucker expenses due to changes in the tax law. It took multiple employees from multiple offices to talk him down.

The woman that would not stop pressuring me to base a tax return off an online estimate and started screaming.

There was a mentally ill woman who would not go away. A smooth-talking Northeasterner that would not stop contacting me. A bully who the women wouldn't work with. Yay for being male. There was one that came back, insisting on voiding a signed document that had already been processed.

I'm a fairly big guy. It's not incredibly often people try physical intimidation. But there many ways to threaten or cause harm. 

I found a way to get people's attention. It comes in a black carrying case. It is bright pink. You cannot miss it. Turn off the safety and pull the trigger. It is so very loud. The electric current is so bright it hurts your eyes. Why anyone would see a bright pink taser, especially after a warning activation, and still walk towards it is beyond me. And given that it is so loud, it will attract attention. It is not meant for stealth. It is not meant to attack. It deters. But God forbid I should ever have to use it, I would hold contact for the briefest of moments. Painful muscle spasms. Hold it too long, chance of permanent injury. People that don't take warnings seriously, I can get their attention. 

I'm not as young as I once was. I'm still fairly strong. I have words, non-verbals. I have some self-defense moves that I recall from wrestling. For the obstinate or deceptive, I have the taser. 

I'm getting tired. My mind is maybe a little less sharp and enduring. So now I keep the taser, to defend my person. For the abusive, manipulative, or power crazy, I have the ability to file reports. I have counseling. I have my writing.

Anger Management

So, with the physical symptoms calmed down and my mental health providers keeping busy (Staff of 4 plus consultants and hospitals/centers), I have decided to turn my attention to less medical matters. The cat is doing well. I might as well just let him be my public face. He seems to be more popular. 

The calm app continues to be beneficial, and I absolutely find Walmart+ to be liberating. Guitar is mostly just playing chords for now, while I continue to increase my awareness and mental coherence. My professionals are maintaining me on the four daily meds plus the as needed. On the plus side, the lack of stimulants means that I get to enjoy more caffeine. I've had some headaches that lean towards the tension type, still some weird sensations in my face. I can only hope that the South Carolina mental health community reads this site. There's gotta be something to learn from this. Such as, drugs are bad (scripted ones too), don't threaten patients, don't sabotage other professionals, don't wait until you have 600 pages worth to say about someone before you actually say something, Diagnoses are not everything, abuse can and will be reported, we all have to live here, or maybe cliques/enmeshment/codependence is not cool.

My anger for what has happened in my life is one thing. My anger for what happens in the lives of those who try to help me is another. My judgement in my personal affairs may not always be the best, but I have pretty clear perception when it comes to professionals in the community. It's something I return to again and again. It is something that I hold sacred. Maybe MIP protects its own. Yeah, I can do that too. I used to think I liked shrinks. Then I got de-numbified. Now, not so much. I've been on both sides. I got my bachelor's in psychology. I volunteered for 3.5 years. I've been to more mental health facilities then anyone I know. Seeing a facility vs facility, facility vs community, facility vs professional, or psychiatry vs counseling vs social work really gets on my nerves. Seeing mental health workers fail to correct patients or other staff on inappropriate conduct really gets on my nerves. What are you teaching this community, exactly? Fornication is ok? Drugs are ok? Lack of accountability is ok? Yelling is ok? What exactly are you teaching here? I feel I have reason to be concerned, for I have walked the halls of MIP, CCBH, Springbrook, those centers in MA, The psychiatrists offices in GE, SC, and MA. I've been to the testing centers. I've been to MUSC. To Anmed. To PRISMA. We need to be careful here, folks. Personally, I appreciate nurses, counselors, and social workers. They work very hard. You think I don't notice? The latter two are better with boundaries, with a few exceptions. I did meet an LPC at Springbrook with some of the worst professional boundaries I have ever seen in that field. I'm glad I don't remember her name, because I would have reported her so many times. Licensure requirements exist for a reason. Don't go around preaching shit that poisons this community. If you can't do your job, stay home. Do not exceed your authority or your knowledgebase. If I'm having to teach you boundaries, then you have epically failed. 

Some of you techs better watch yourselves. This isn't a free ride. You are not qualified to instruct these people. You're fucking up this community, and I don't appreciate it. Shut your mouths and do your jobs. It's not that hard. I've done it a time or two. Do not spread your mental poisons and I won't spread mine. You want to mouth off? do it off the clock, in a break room or at home. You fuck up this community and then I'll make sure it catches up to you.

Dear Public

 Dear Public,

Do not take drugs. DRUGS COME FROM PHARMACIES. FOR ANYONE WILLFULLY NOT PAYING ATTENTION, THIS SHIT KILLS YOU. DO NOT TAKE THE DRUGS. THEY WILL NUMB YOU OUT. DO NOT TAKE THE DRUGS, THEY DISTORT YOUR JUDGEMENT. DO NOT TAKE THE DRUGS. YOU END UP FUCKED. For further details, please consult "Personal Thoughts", "Personal Thoughts - medical", or ask to see my mychart, then consult an LPC. 

DO NOT TAKE THE DRUGS.

Thank You.

Bullshit of the Day

Let's see, what's the latest bullshit?

It's circulating widely. The DSM is getting vaguer. People keep talking bullshit, they find new words for it... Something wrapped up and resold every day.

That's why I have to persistently unwrap this stuff. Demystify. So we can all know it for the Bullshit that it is. 

How many drugs can we repackage in different ways? I want people to know how this shit kills you. I want them to see the myChart. I want them to see the problem list. Let's just publish it all. We'll make pamphlets and fliers... RITALIN, GET YOUR RITALIN! Lithium! Seroquel! See how fast it kills you! Liver damage, Nausea, Constipation, BP changes, EKGS, GET YOUR EKGS!

Wanna a resting pulse of 95-100? Take your Clozaril, call me in the morning about the cravings, the immune system, check with a nutritionist 50 times a year. Oh you'll be strong. Completely Numb. Spaced out. Useless. A complete burden on society. One day at a time, a few hundred mg... You'll be locked up forever. Just look at the past 20-25 years. Oh you'll stay breathing. And completely useless. You won't realize until you stop taking the pills how numbed out you were.

Got a cholesterol problem yet? One day at a time, you'll get there.