Trauma Bonding

Going back to Stockholm Syndrome, traumatic situations, and perception...

    People with trauma tend to flock together, especially with similar trauma. Beyond that, tight emotional bonds can form. Brothers in arms, survivors of abuse, people who went through a journey or event of some kind. 

Arson

    I have trouble remembering a time when Arson started a medication or increased one. Usually the opposite. That's how he was different then Prichards. Prichards and Assmussen were bad in combination, for damn sure. But they answer to God, like everyone else. Assmussen's out of practice but be careful about Woodruff Road. 

    I'll keep reminding people. So at least the smart ones can learn about toxic masculinity, Bullshit CBT, and bad psychiatry. I know there's something to learn here. I know because of all the drugs, all the people, and all the bullshit ideas. I know because I have trouble functioning. There's something to learn. 

Weaving

    Spidey webbing up a storm... cobweb here, one obber der, anudder under here... ebbywherez a cobweb... WEBTOPIA! Now! ... embroidering in some messaging...

 

Webbing

Spidey web obber di werld!!!! ... or mayybe just blanket falls park wit leaflets.

Hey Brownelle

 

Well, tell me do you think it'd be all right

If I could just freak out tonight?

You can see I'm in no shape for conniving

And anyway, I've got no asylum to go

And you know it might not be that bad

You were the best shrink I'd ever had

If I hadn't discharged this place months ago

I might not be alone!

Tomorrow we can walk around that unit

And let the techs chase us right through it

The past is gone, but a dx might be found

To take its place

Hey Psychiatry

Hey Psychiatry

Hey Psychiatry

Hey Psychiatry

And you can trust me to overthink

And to take the pills I found

And if you don't expect too much from me

You might not be let down

'Cause all I really want is to be with shrinks

Feeling like I'm crazy too

If I hadn't discharged this place months ago

I might be here with you!

Tomorrow we can walk around that unit

And let the techs chase us right through it

The past is gone, but a dx might be found

To take its place

Hey Psychiatry

Tomorrow we can walk around that unit

And let the techs chase us right through it

The past is gone, but a dx might be found

To take its place

Hey Psychiatry

Hey Psychiatry

Hey Psychiatry

Hey Psychiatry

Well, tell me do you think it'd be all right

If I could just freak out tonight?

You can see I'm in no shape for conniving

And anyway, I've got no asylum to go

And you know it might not be that bad

You were the best shrink I'd ever had

If I hadn't discharged this place months ago

I might not be alone!

Tomorrow we can walk around that unit

And let the techs chase us right through it

The past is gone, but a dx might be found

To take its place

Hey Psychiatry

Hey Psychiatry

They took my meds

Well, there's only one thing I couldn't dread

Karaoke

I'm so happy 'cause today I found my friends, they're on the net

I'm so struggling, that's okay, 'cause so are you, we broke our mentors

Commitment papers are surely coming for all I care and I'm not scared

write my blog posts, and that's ok cuz I've found shrinks

Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah
Yeah

I'm so wordy, that's okay, I shaved my rhymes and I'm not sad
And just maybe I'm to blame for all the drugs, but I'm not sure
I'm so excited, I can't wait to touch and stare and I don't care
I'm so corny, that's okay, my will is good

Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah
Yeah!

I like it, I'm not comin back
I miss you, I'm not comin back
I love you, I'm not comin back
I chilled you, I'm not comin back
I like it, I'm comin back
I miss you, I'm not comin back
I love you, I'm not comin back
I thrilled you, I'm not comin back

I'm so happy 'cause today I found my friends, they're on my phone
I'm so ugly, that's okay, 'cause so are you, we'll bitch and moan
discharge mornin' is everyday for all I care and I'm not scared
Light my mind up in a daze 'cause I've found shrinks

Yeah, yeah
Yeah!

I like it, I'm not comin back
I miss you, I'm not comin back
I love you, I'm not comin back
I chilled you, I'm not comin back
I like it, I'm comin back
I miss you, I'm not comin back
I love you, I'm not comin back
I thrilled you, I'm not comin back

Dear Joe

Dear Joe,

    I almost forgot. Would it be alright if I brought Peytlin a half dozen soccer balls to remember me by? I know how sweaty patients put her and Addison in heat. I wouldn't want to let my birds suffer. 

So whaddya say? Can I punt a few into the courtyard? I'll even sign them for her. Give Elle my love. 

Ball 1: I love you, ashes

Ball 2: I love you knot, Spidey

Ball 3: I love you, vlad

Ball 4: I love you not eddie

Ball 5: I love you when you're not hiding soccer balls, jess

Ball 6: I love you oddly, madly, creeply Jenn

Yours,

Ashes

Wake Up Little Snoozy

Wake up Little Snoozy

Wake up, little Snoozy
Wake up, little Snoozy

We've all been sound asleep
Wake up, little me’s and weep
The appointment's over, it's four o'clock
And we're in trouble deep

Wake up, little Snoozy
Wake up, little Snoozy

Well, what are we gonna tell our counselor?
What are we gonna tell our Doc?
What are we gonna tell their staff when they say
"Ooh, la, la"?

Wake up, little Snoozy
Wake up, little Snoozy

Well, we told our counselor that we were tired of men
Well, Snoozy, baby, looks like we’re stuck with them

Wake up, little Snoozy
Wake up, little Snoozy
We gotta go home

Wake up, little Snoozy, wake up
Wake up, little Snoozy, wake up

The inpatient visit wasn't nearly so hot
It didn't really have so very much of a shot
We fell again, our goose is cooked
Our reputation is shot

Wake up, little Snoozy
Wake up, little Snoozy

Well, what are we gonna tell our counselor?
What are we gonna tell our Doc'?
What are we gonna tell their staff when they say
"Ooh, la, la"?

Wake up, little Snoozy
Wake up, little Snoozy
Wake up, little Snoozy

Jess

She's breaking into hospitals again. Talking up psychiatrists. Why does she get to be the communicator? 

Riposte

    Vell, vhat did you expect? I have to be with my own kind! You cut off the A-, now I can't socialize. So flappy I can hardly stand. I hope Small liked zee flowers...

Going for a Crawl...

    Cwazy Bat. He's hanging out with the Conestee hatchlings again. Dudent ebben like dem. Then he says he wants to fly by Home Freako. Fwed's been gibbing him trubble at di beach. Sneaky Gulls always coming up with something. Dey don't like Vlad berry dutch. Time to go for a crawl...

Dear Joe

Dearest Joe,

    Oh, the thrill of the pursuit. Psychiatry has never looked so good. Do you power lift metaphorically? Exercising the brain is so rewarding. How are my friends? I'll have to visit again. You know how much I love family. Prismally speaking. You'll be happy to know that life on the outside has gotten quieter. 

    I'm walking the road less raveled. Sometimes it's a bit stringy. Sometimes threads lead in unpredictable directions. I hope the campus hasn't caught fire. You'll say hi to Jenn, I'm sure. The cat's doing well. 

    Say, you think you could hook me up with some maroons, for old time's sake? You never know when I might need to come pay my respects. I'll be in touch. Promises to keep, and meds to take before I sleep

    Warmly,

    Ashes

How Helping Works

    In the military, they like to say that a combat operation never goes exactly as planned. The same thing is true for everyday life. My life has not gone as planned. For damn sure. However, losing a battle does not mean losing the war. I certainly hope I don't have to start spreading rumors about dating my psychiatrist to get it into people's heads that spreading lies about professionals is not wise. I like different kinds of people. They can all contribute in slightly different ways. I've known all sorts of people. 

    I do have moral responsibilities. I'm trying to build something positive here, while preparing to return to doing some accounting. I feel a moral duty to warn people about forced medication, drug cocktails, overmedication, medicalized perfection, toxic gender stereotypes, toxic CBT, and abuse in Greenville County. You can question my methods. You can question the results. You can't question my mission. 

    Sometimes life involves different emotions. For the benefit of people with low emotional intelligence, I'm going to start writing about what I believe emotions teach us. We are emotional animals. it's hardwired in because emotions help us learn about the world. 

Verdict

 

    So, regardless of whether anyone ever knows the full truth or anything close to it, I think the amount of people impacted and the fact that the Governor's office spoke to Woodruff Road by itself says enough. Anyone with common sense can see that something dangerous happened. His actions do not define my life. I do. That medication does not define my life. I do. Bipolar does not define my life. I do. 

    My life is defined by a long history, that much is true. It is defined by growing up in the 80s, by being a loyal family member, friend, and member of the community. In surviving 2 comas, lots of drugs, lots of traumatic events, a lot of isolation and pain, and yet, stubbornly persisting, I did many things. I volunteered for 3.5 years with Safe Harbor, Crisisline, and Julie Valentines. I helped in the raising of nieces and nephews. I participated in multiple varsity sports. I learned a tremendous amount about mental illness. I got that BA in psych and the MS in Accounting. I certified in IT multiple times, passed the CPA, I worked in three different fields. I wrote poems and stories. I taught others. I traveled. I met many people. I lived independently. All that and more. And there are people who know my strength, my fortitude, my intelligence, my compassion, my humor, my resilience, my empathy. And regardless of what they say of me, I will die accomplished someday. 

R.I.P., that which was myself. May those struggles rest and never rise again.