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Tuesday, July 1, 2025
Bills to Pay
"Oh great, he wants to be studied"
I know Arson pretty well. I'm pretty sure I know why he said that. I'm not so great at communicating in person. I know some members of the mental health community check this blog. Sometimes it's awkward. But overall, I'm glad. It's like having people watching over me. I worry what people think. Sometimes they jump to conclusions. But a reasonable person, taking what I say in whole, gets a pretty decent picture. My BP was initially 154 or so over 94 at the internist. Then it was 124 over 70 something. It jumps up and down in health care facilities. Does that all the time. But it's nice to be home.
Metaphor Shopping
Trauma vs. THC Addiction
Trauma can manifest in various ways, including emotional, psychological, and physical symptoms. Emotional signs include persistent sadness, anxiety, fear, anger, shame, and guilt. Psychological signs can include intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, nightmares, difficulty concentrating, and avoidance of trauma reminders. Physical signs may include sleep disturbances, fatigue, aches and pains, and changes in appetite or eating patterns.
Here's a more detailed breakdown:
Emotional and Psychological Signs:
Intrusive thoughts and memories: Recurring, unwanted thoughts, images, or sensations related to the traumatic event according to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH).
Flashbacks: *Feeling as though the traumatic event is happening again in the present moment. *
Nightmares: Disturbing dreams related to the trauma. (I don't remember dreams usually)
Avoidance: **Actively trying to avoid places, people, activities, or even thoughts and feelings associated with the trauma. **
Emotional numbness: Feeling detached, disconnected, or unable to experience emotions fully.
Difficulty concentrating:** Struggling to focus on tasks, remember things, or make decisions. **
Mood swings: **Experiencing rapid and intense shifts in emotions. **
Anxiety and panic: Feeling excessive worry, fear, or panic, sometimes accompanied by physical symptoms like a racing heart or shortness of breath.
Depression: *Feeling persistent sadness, loss of interest in activities, and fatigue. *
Guilt and shame: *Feeling responsible for the trauma or experiencing intense feelings of self-blame.*
Irritability and anger: Feeling easily agitated, frustrated, or experiencing angry outbursts.
Difficulty trusting others: *Struggling to form or maintain healthy relationships due to fear of vulnerability or betrayal. *
Feelings of hopelessness: Losing hope for the future and feeling pessimistic about recovery.
Social withdrawal: Avoiding social interactions and becoming isolated from friends and family.
Self-destructive behaviors: Engaging in risky or harmful behaviors as a way to cope with trauma.
Physical Signs:
Sleep disturbances: Insomnia, nightmares, or restless sleep.
Fatigue: Feeling excessively tired and lacking energy.
Changes in appetite or eating patterns: Overeating or loss of appetite.
Aches and pains: Experiencing unexplained physical pain or discomfort.
Hypervigilance: Being constantly on guard, easily startled, and overly aware of potential threats.
Rapid heartbeat: Feeling as if the heart is racing or pounding.
Shaking or trembling: Experiencing involuntary tremors or shaking.
Difficulty breathing: Experiencing shortness of breath or feeling like they can't catch their breath.
Digestive issues: Experiencing stomach problems, nausea, or vomiting.
Headaches: Experiencing frequent or severe headaches.
Yet because of a bad spravato reaction the Hospital and family want to focus on:
Symptoms of cannabis addiction in adults:
Missing work or struggling with job responsibilities (already present)
Spending money on cannabis over essential expenses (Not present)
Increased secrecy and avoiding family interactions (Necessary with certain people)
Frequent arguments (Not present) and mood instability (Already present)
Counseling costs money, yes, and it brings problems out into the open for people to see. I can't just gloss over my problems though. I'm a real person, and I need people to see that. Pride is a dangerous thing. Refusing to accept help is a dangerous thing. I do fear people knowing all of me. But rather than hide my problems and walk around with them, I want to deal with them.
I like what I'm learning about lifestyle. My blood sugar is lower, and I have more realistic view of medication. I'm spending less, and I'm more careful about spending. I'm taking some risks. I'm definitely making mistakes.
I can't be nice all the time; it leads to problems like anger issues. I've not learned the art of dealing bad news as well as I thought. My self-image was rigid and unrealistic. I'm not sure how others see me, other than inconsistent.
It's difficult being alone. But it's dangerous to be in unhealthy relationships. I need to improve my emotional regulation and communication before it truly is too late. I need to do that even if it hurts people's feelings.
Past Reflections
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The full strength of the storm had set itself against me and I had prevailed. In all honesty, it was not even a proper mountain, merely a gl...
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The voice on the phone was familiar to him and still talking, but he had stopped listening several minutes ago. She obviously didn't...
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For Ashes, life was always about the spark. The hard part was avoiding a wild fire. With the spark, everything was meaningless. But after a ...
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I can honestly say I never understood the world. I was naïve. The people around me told me I had to change, to be like them. I wanted to, bu...
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I have lost my way before, it's true. I have retreated into the distance, pulling back from the world in pursuit of shelter from the sto...