I'm Reminding everyone who knows me or wants something from me, DO NOT CONTACT ME IN REAL LIFE or AUDITORILY. If you need to contact me, there is a comment feature and an email, I have facebook, whatsapp, some people have my number and can leave texts or emails. Again, I have asked FBI to monitor my communication due to continuous harassment. I intend to keep my own damn opinions until my dying breath and to aid and assist the general community in what way I can, which will be determined by my treatment team free of undue influence. You harass me or them and there will be reports filed. So leave it be. This DOES NOT GET FIXED. IT IS CALLED MEDICALLY COMPLEX FOR A REASON. Leave it be.
Sunday, May 11, 2025
Faith
Years, ago, when I was highly medicated, I walked around as if I was a different person. My mind was simpler. My thoughts and dreams were different. It seemed natural to focus on career and wealth and being connected and pushing for more.
It is easy to put on those rose colored glasses, especially if you have letters after your name or you have chemicals in your system. But the world isn't that way. There are no angels here on earth. This is reality. There is safety and there are dangers.
Names are not everything.
I do not believe there is perfection anywhere, in anyone, or anything here on earth.
Do I believe in God? Am I saved? I've gotten that a lot. I do not believe in predetermination. I also do not believe in good works buying one's way to heaven.
I do believe in God. I was raised Catholic. Some events in my life have challenged my beliefs. And I have known atheists and God Complexes and pop culture types and Hindus and Muslims and even Shintoists and Deists and polytheists.
So I believe in one God, but I'm ok with people believing other things. I do not believe there is one recipe for life. I am not looking to be converted by any religion. The biggest issue I have with Christianity is the Gender roles. The second biggest is the pitting of science vs the Bible. I happen to be one of those weird people who believe that the Bible and Evolution can both be true. God created the Earth and everything on it, including the evolution of the animals. Just like Angels can fall, man can lose his way in different ways. Anything can change. The earth can change. People can change.
Being addicted to sameness or perfectionism or a particular person or thing is dangerous.
I've gotten a lot of feedback from different people and places. I have trouble remembering. But I am a collection of all of that experience. Various Hospitals, countries, people. Given my health, I need to consolidate my memory and try to learn from all of this fairly intense experience.
The best way to not get like this is to be careful what you experience. Be careful with what you put in your body, how hard you push, what influences you expose yourself to. If you're on antipsychotics, that's harder to do. People looking to convert me: My mind is too stressed and overwhelmed to really absorb much more. Don't try too hard.
Memory
So going back to Memory and the difference between remembering and recalling as explained by Clarity.
I can REMEMBER.
At any given time, I have trouble RECALLING specific events and specific pieces of information. This can happen with learning disorders, dementia, or with trauma. I have been dx'd with the first and third of those. I have tried Amantadine, Namenda, mirapex, and I think Aricept, along with the ADHD meds.
If you wonder why my communication is bad, I may be in a different time period, I may be in fight or flight, or I may be trying to recall different pieces of information.
No matter what, don't expect a lot of give and take, fluid and present time related conversation for sustained periods in large groups of people or chaotic environments. If they haven't mastered that yet, they never will.
Psychiatry and Boundaries
So I'm coming back to Psychiatry and Boundaries. An INTELLIGENT professional is AWARE. When approaching the patient, the professional understands that the patient is not him/her. The patient is not your reflection. Residents are not eye candy. They can on occasion be smarter than you. Just because you're not talking does not mean time has stopped.
Tax Trauma and Mipolar Misorder
Another good way to develop PTSD is to do twice what the next person does. For example, get a job at a tax company. Work out of two offices. Take the day shift. Accept every walk in. Go nuts. End tax season barely knowing what day it is. Complete twice as many returns as a similar level preparer who uses it as thier main gig.
You push hard enough, you don't need an adhd or a bipolar to make it official.
Epitaph
Here lies Ashes and Dust's Psychiatry Career...
He was born...
He played...
She talked...
She learned...
He argued...
He programmed...
He listened...
He carried...
She Taxed...
She wrote...
She cooked...
She cleaned...
He was a teammate and captain...
He traveled and endured...
He learned to live again...
He continued to walk, not run.
Rest in Pieces.
Now if y'all shrinks don't mind, I need to de-DSM, de-medicalize, de-perfectionize, and de-traumatize this state a bit. So as much as I know you hate me, I'll be spreading the word... I'll grab my incense and go around throwing it in the air like holy water...
Drugs are bad! Mmmmmkay!?!
DSMs are bad! Mmmmkay?!?
Oh brother where art thou? Oh yes, on the other side. Accountability is a bitch. Dead or alive, people will know the dangers of toxic masculinity, Bipolar bullshit, Medicalized Perfectionism, and the insanity that is Psychiatry... You've given me my life's purpose. You did think you were Gods. Well, sometimes what you create turns against you. If you spout enough bullshit, it can happen. You do it long enough, you create a life's purpose. And potentially some legal action. You want me to give it up? You drop your rocks, I'll drop mine. But please don't ask me to talk or run around. I'm tired. If you need something, put it in writing so I can have three different people verify and hold you to it. I'm tired of this shit.
You can't medicate this shit away. It simply doesn't happen. I think two comas proved that.
This is miseducation, moving standards and high standards. This is poor boundaries and greed. This is what it looks like. Take a good look. Here it is. I'm tired of hiding it. You fuck up this state. We'll have a problem. Go ahead, ship me out. Demonize me. Bipolarize me. Dehumanize me. Do all the Izings. Do the Isms. The Sexisms and the racisms and all that. Pass the guilt and the blame and the anger around. Go ahead. You wanna shut me up? I'm 43. I'm human I can die. People will still know. You can rebrand PRISMA. You can lie to me. People will find out. I may not be that smart. But people figure things out. You can play this hospital against that, this center against that, this state against that, this doctor against that. You wanna bury me? You're coming too. We all die someday. Plenty of shovels. We can dig graves or we can dig out foundations and build things. But my energy is limited. As far as I know the FBI has eyes on me. And yes I know the law and I know your damned DSM. Just leave it alone. Back off Angry, and let angry back off too.
If you want to hear my words, you can read. Text. Email. Website. Voicemail, but I may respond via text communication or a professional. I'm tired. Don't push me. You can't reprogram people nor drug them away. You put them in comas that way. Waste of resources if you ask me. I'm not perfect, I'm just pissed off. Don't play with fire. You get burnt that way.
People keep trying to influence me or shut me up. Now I have to file reports with this State/Federal Agency and screen all communications. It's exhausting me. GO READ SOMETHING ELSE. I'M NOT THAT IMPORTANT AND I'M NOT THAT DANGEROUS. I just have a job to do. I'm getting federal funds. Might as well help the federal government keep this state clean and healthy.
Tired
I go to sleep tired. I wake up tired. Antipsychotics can increase energy by suppressing abstract thinking and numbing you out, but then they interfere with daily functioning. They make no sense. Yet the force medicators will run to them till the end of time. Because we want our men macho! Numb! Fucking bullshit. Go back to medical school. 🙄
Energy comes from other places too. Food. Rest. Sleep. Reasonable expectations. A lack of excessive medical treatment. I know your dsm. Much like the tax code. Go back to medical school. You are not gods. Go on vacation. Go home. Stop fucking up south carolina. Stop fucking with me. You want angry to back off? Then back the fuck off angry.
Dear Hospital
Ok, So I'm back, after a few more law enforcement related
hallucinations and flashbacks. See, this is why I want South Carolina to
understand trauma better. Because when people don't know what they are dealing
with, it can cause problems. When the body goes through a long series of
traumatic events, that can be called complex PTSD or DID. PTSD is similar but
related to a narrower set of traumatic events generally over a shorter period
of time. Mislabeling a trauma disorder as a mood disorder is counterproductive.
Applying the wrong medications and treatments is counterproductive. Demonizing
or goading a person with trauma is counterproductive. CCBH and I learned that
the hard way.
Danger is all about interpretation. 911 operators, hostage
negotiators, trauma counselors, they understand this. Psychiatrists should
understand it better. They need to get off their high horses about THC and
trauma disorders in general. It's really not impressive to treat people like
shit and be know it alls because you think you're better than them. You went to
a fucking med school. Get over it. Shut your damn traps and I'll shut
mine.
I'm not actually afraid of the FBI or the police because I
don't actually commit crimes. And they have the resources and skills to figure
that out. Having DID does not make me dangerous or a criminal mastermind. If I
had been dangerous, I'm pretty sure the FBI reports asking them to monitor my
communications would have found that out. Other than Internet disruptions and
my counselor talking to people, I haven't heard anything. Maybe I filed one
more report. Anyways, I imagine they hacked my phone and computer by now. If
not, then they must not be concerned. I've been receiving some harassment since
CCBH. I get a little paranoid about past trauma.
If you understand Stockholm Syndrome, Polyvagal theory, and
Hostage negotiation type skills, then you understand how to handle DID or
complex PTSD or PTSD. Remain calm. Ground the person. Be cautious with
medication. Don't be alarmed about THC. Remember Adrenaline and Cortisol. The
body is in a fight or flight state. A fight state can resemble mania. The
dissociation can resemble Psychosis. A flight or freeze state can resemble
severe depression or catatonia. Abrupt movements are to be expected. Collapse
is possible. I'm not that strong.
My body is tired. 2 comas. Complex medical trauma / DID. It
has been run through the adrenaline/cortisol cycle. First responders, veterans,
and abuse victims will understand this stuff. People who work on night shifts
understand this stuff. The body gets tired.
My humor confuses people. My counselor loves my humor. Why?
because it's an effective coping mechanism. People with trauma understand this.
You have to laugh. Otherwise, the stress is too much. Robin Williams was
amazing. I've seen most of his stuff.
I asked mental health professionals to read this site. I
want people to understand trauma in South Carolina. So, we can all rest easier.
DID is not actually something that needs to keep you awake at night. Mauldin is
actually one of the safest cities in the country. The police are heavily armed,
and they go in force. I doubt they worry about me. If a five-foot woman can be
alone and unarmed with me, I'm pretty sure there's no need for fear. She would
have said something if I had been violent in more than 5 years of once-a-week
counseling. Some inappropriate comments here and there. She would have said
something if my communication was alarming. She hasn't said anything yet, and
now she has Coffee to help her. And yes, he is male. I got tired of some of the
comments about sexuality. So now I have a man and a woman in charge of my care,
so that people don't get confused. Make it complicated, and it becomes
complicated.
People with Stockholm syndrome or effects like that can
develop strong attachments to other people during traumatic events. Which is
why I am so attached to certain people like Elle and Leaves and my counselor.
They have helped me through some very difficult times. You know why? Not
because they were women or because of their hair color. Because they all
understand trauma and they understand me. Elle worked with me for decades and
has a history of trauma. Leaves is a trauma counselor. My counselor is CCPT-II
certified (Certified Clinical Trauma Professional Level II: Complex Trauma). If
you think she does not know what she is dealing with, you are a fucking moron.
Even if you have an MD. Morons can have MDs too. Like the nursing staff said,
you take a test enough, you can pass it eventually (though that doesn't really
speak highly of the staff's skills, I get the point). I passed CPA, but I have
only taken that Dissociation inventory once, and it was maybe 200-300
questions. I cannot fake that. I am not nearly that smart. PTSD off the charts.
Dissociation off the charts. Psychosis ZERO ZERO ZERO. Coffee has the results,
I believe. Artstick did too. That's why I ignore other Psychiatrists. They
don't have those results. So they diagnose psychosis. WASTE. OF. TIME. AND.
RESOURCES. Don't make me make you look stupid.
Sometimes I don't know how to interpret. Being in a fight or
flight state turns off the prefrontal cortex. It turns off more complex
thinking. So if I seem confused, it's not because I'm psychotic or on drugs or
a moron, it's because my body has shut down my responses. Due to a long series
of traumatic events, it does that around holidays and certain high stress
periods. Like when I'm in ERs and people are threatening me. Further
communication only increases confusion. Just stop talking. Keep it simple. I'll
be in my mind waiting for y'all to pull it together and make some sense and a
damn effort. You keep it up long enough, you may have me in a room by myself in
pain thinking of lawsuits and blurting out stuff from the past like Elle's name
or City Center's name or other things. It's not really helpful.
So, yes, Arson, I do want to be studied in a sense. I do
want you to understand complex trauma and how to treat it. Because instead of
throwing people in jail or threatening them or labeling them bipolar or
freaking out, you might just learn polyvagal theory a little better. It might
save you time and stress. Because I'm not afraid of your staff or personnel and
they have no reason to fear me. Y'all have known me since the mid-nineties. I
think I'm fairly predictable by this point. And if a five-foot women doesn't
need security guards and locks, why do you? Why do you cower behind your locks
and your meds and your DSM? It's not that hard. Yeah, I see your security
guards. Do I look armed to you? Do I look like I can overpower that many
people? Do I look particularly dangerous? Why do you need combination to get
into these places? I'm glad they didn't have that. The taser stays at home
folks. For possible break in. A deterrent. And with everyone knowing me and it
being bright pink, I'd be in a jail pretty fast if I tried to use it
improperly. People seem to find me frightening. You know I pushed a doctor
once? I was frustrated. Y'all may remember. It was at MIP. She didn't actually
lose her balance. All that happened was I got frustrated and she stopped working
with me. Then there was that Nutritionist at IMA. I had just been through
trauma. It was kinda funny. I asked to hug her. She said yes. So I did. Well
then the staff started calling me her boyfriend and it became uncomfortable.
But she could have said no. And if you understand trauma it's not actually that
big a deal. And yes, I keep mentioning the word trauma to differentiate it from
Bipolar because if you people don't get with the program we're really wasting
each other's time. Because the treatments are different. Learn the damn theory.
Polyvagal theory. CCPT. Look it up. That way people don't have to worry about
reports to SCDHEC, Medical board, DSS, etc etc etc because you're not doing
stupid things that don't help and can make things worse for everyone. I'm not
actually trying to be a professor here I'm just trying to save you time and
stress and resources so that we don't need to watch the bed, chart at 4.5 PPH,
or stuff like that. But I do appreciate health care professionals. It's not all
about looks either. Yeah, I like that she liked the poem. I'm not actually that
interested in her. I'm not there to date people. I've bigger problems. I wrote
the poem for the hospital. There are women on the outside. I have a misplaced
sense of humor. It comes from a history of trauma. We do need to see other
people. I know Greenville County has plenty of people with problems. I talked
to plenty at Crisisline.
By the way, the new fence looks nice. I like the rounded
top. It's sturdy. And with the security cameras and current set up, y'all have
it well managed. It'd be very hard for someone, to say, jump the fence, come to
the visitor's entrance, and ask to visit himself. When you said my father was
there to visit, but the name he gave was mine... I had a flashback. In
combination with people threatening to throw me in jail, my mind constructed a
scenario, and I began to believe I was going to be arrested. So there was some
confusion. Loss of trust. I really don't think threats are appropriate. But I
get it. You think I'm dangerous. After all this time? I pushed a doctor once.
That was 26 years ago. I've walked around y'all unarmed for all these years.
I'm not that strong. I know the speed of your security. I've seen them before.
Many times. I get afraid too. Maybe it's time to stop fearing each other. Stop
threatening and medicating and all that. There are some medications that help
with trauma. It's not that hard to know how to use them safely. So do so. So
long as they are properly prescribed for the correct symptoms and time periods,
I will take them. But if you dx bullshit, then you can expect bullshit in
return. Fair's fair. Garbage in, Garbage out. Move your codes around on your
charts, just treat the symptoms, physical or otherwise. Save your threats and
restraining orders. You do that and I won't have to retreat inside my mind and
lock you out. I've gotten good at that. It's a survival mechanism. Oh Arson knows,
yes he knows. He knows all the names I think. The functions. The genders are
really just a representation of cultural stereotypes. I am male. And if you
have to know, the female stuff is a Robin Williams sense of humor thing. I
really adored that man. He made me laugh.
You know he killed himself. Some type of dementia. Anyways.
I get frustrated. The Bipolar bullshit is particularly
annoying to me. The obsession with medication is annoying to me. It's making it
difficult to follow doctor's orders. But the PA is not one of you. I don't know
if he was the one in the emergency room who called Bipolar "one of the
most over diagnosed things in the book" but I think whoever said that is
right. And bringing it up is useless. You should see that by now. No, I'm
following Artstick's orders. You other shrinks, go learn polyvagal theory. Stop
wasting everyone's time. You cannot recognize a trauma disorder, change
careers. This is a waste of public resources. You want to lecture me? Expect
lectures in return. You don't know everything. So, stop pretending and I will
too. And then maybe we can laugh a little.
You see Seroquel can bring down dissociation symptoms when
they are severe. I did stop taking it after the severe symptoms went away but
Seroquel does not treat trauma, it treats psychosis and bipolar, which I do not
have. My history of trauma will prove this. My symptoms will prove this. I am
making this public to shut down the bipolar bullshit, the poor boundaries, and
the medication flow. It's not helpful. If these meds landed me in two comas,
they're not going to stop a third.
Doing Taxes can be traumatic. Last tax season I broke down. Didn't even make it through the last day. I don't know if I'll be back. They pushed me too hard. I didn't set limits. I need to step back from high stress environments on a long-term basis. I'd like to focus on this writing people keep telling me about. Maybe write about Greenville. You know, all the famous writers do that. The ones I've admired. They write about what they know. Their experiences. But I like Greenville, which is why I insist on staying here, and anyone who does like that can go fuck themselves. But since I do like Greenville, you shouldn't be that concerned about my writing. Other then perhaps McClean (not in Greenville), some key psychiatrists, and CCBH, there's not a whole lot of negative to say. It's a nice place.
CCBH was trying to
rebuild Rome in a week and that short sightedness and goading and stupidity
really fucked us all. I hope they learned something. I need to stay out of
these hospitals. I guess it's hard to be sympathetic to some doctor's kid on
govt insurance but maybe you could try harder. At least keep your traps shut
now and then. Tone it down a little. Or at least be ready for me to unload on
you in return. Garbage in, Garbage out. Common sense. Elle was really good at
knowing just the right words. She could manage me rather easily. You can
demonize her or me for that. You can exaggerate what it means. I know how
gossip works. But I do have to talk sometimes. So we can talk or I can lock you
out and go away in my mind and we can stare at each other while you chart at 2.5 PPH. See the patient observer, the hispanic one, she reminded me of that
crisisline caller from all those years ago... The one I tried to help. That's
when a trauma disorder is not so harmful. Because to me, that activates some
protector/helper instincts. And then I'm more focused on helping someone.
That's why she was able to get me out. That and some calming from
Seroquel/Ativan. But all these threats and garbage about substances and
stalking and danger is not helping anyone. It makes me file reports. Because I
start to feel threatened. It makes me lose trust. It's not that hard. Specific
medications and substances can bring down trauma symptoms. Avoiding certain
triggers. Grounding. Calming. Reflection. Validation. Positivity. Humor that is
not degrading. Anyone insults or threatens my people again, I will file
reports. There will be action. You want to break me or my people? Roll the
dice. I know the law. Better than you think.
You know Prichards pushed too hard? Yeah, he cared too much
too. Let's label him Bipolar and give him the drugs. I can do projection too. I
can do DSM too. You taught me. I have the Psychology degree as well. We can
project each other. We can do regression and transference. Oh yeah. So stop the
bullshit. You're stressing out my counselor with this bullshit. You're
stressing out me with this bullshit. We need to stop wasting time. Cuz we can
all go to McClean. Or Prison. Or be drugged. That's not helping anyone. I don't
appreciate threats anymore then you do.
Arson's been working there a long time. He's not a bad man. It's difficult working in a hospital. Difficult being a patient. I just don't feel like threats and druggings are helpful if we can all just back off Angry, laugh a little. Mind our own business. But if you get me to a 10, you can expect shutdowns, cryptic communications, symbols, and if at that point you don't apply trauma techniques then you are wasting time and resources. Why yall were so focused on my gender and orientation... I can see that maybe, but I was focused on physical symptoms and trauma memories. Right from the get go. Before I even got to the ER. Before Vinewell released me. The nurse turned pale as a sheet. They didn't check my vitals. They let me go. Then EMS had to come pick me up. Left the water on. The house flooded. So I think the fault can be divided between myself and Vinewell. Not properly managing Spravato side effects.
Perhaps I hadn't eaten enough. Perhaps the lose dose aspirin had built up, throwing off my immune system. I don't know what Anion Gap is, but the white blood cell stuff, the acetaminophen level, and the CO2 level seem to suggest something around low dose aspirin and Spravato. Maybe if there is a next time the ER doc can say something more helpful then "we can't find anything". That's Bullshit. You know you did. Your name is all over the lab results. I can't trust you if you don't trust me. It works both ways. So if you lie to me, I'm not going to tell you anything. We can waste each other's time. Or file lawsuits.
Don't be ugly with me, and I won't need to shut down or
be ugly with you. Cuz I can go away in my mind... I can talk to Leaves and
Elle... or many other people... people that know how to help... or I can jump
frogs, ride leaves... visit New Zealand... contemplate F-35 contracts... play
Moonlight Sonata... That Ritalin song is nice... made me want to stop taking
Ritalin... Kinda like Chloe Adams... the doctor said...
Understanding trauma is not that hard. But if you don't try,
if you make threats, then people start thinking about lawyers... and this
community has a few... some already contact me. We need to see other people. In
the real world.
They tell me that this is long term. That some things are
fairly permanent. I need rest, nutrition, and a low stress lifestyle. Not
medications, doctors, and hospitals. I'm 43. If you think I'm looking for a
drug hardy, high excitement lifestyle, you're really not paying attention. I
like calm and quiet. I had CAPD/AS. I do not like loud noise, flashing lights,
high stimulation. You can think of me as shemale or feminine/masculine, but you
start talking about it and you are INVITING A LAWSUIT. Do not dehumanize me. Do
not threaten me. People find out. And you then I'm not the only one who looks
ugly. We all do. We can be good people or bad people. We can be in jails or
drugged. We all have choices. You can go to McClean too. Don't make me be
ugly.
I'm not a criminal mastermind, I'm just observant and after
all these years I'm stressed and tired and I've developed patience. So, I'll
just keep waiting for y'all to stop wasting time and be more productive. I've
got to work on my at home skills. See other people. Stop being broke and tired.
I'm not actually that exciting or that dangerous.
I know people with trauma are difficult. I've dealt with a
few. There was a purple heart Vietnam guy in Springbrook. Bigger than me. I can
see how people like that scare other people. The look in the eyes. The
adrenaline and cortisol making movements jerky. The things they say when they
are calm. The things they say when they dissociate. Crazy ass shit. Not so
dangerous with empty hands.
I've been in MIP so very many times. I know all the ways to
be dangerous. It's been decades. I've said things that scare people. I've been
drugged. I pushed a doctor once. Do you really think, knowing every square inch
of that place, after all this time... knowing all the procedures, the strengths
and weaknesses, knowing IT, knowing the community... do you really think,
especially with law enforcement watching me, that anyone is in any real danger?
Am I that smart? Am I that strong? Do you really think I have any desire to
harm these people? I say weird things. Don't get in a twist. I'm not that
smart. I'm not that strong. My counselor is in good health. As far as I know,
Elle and Leaves are doing just fine. Haven't seen either once since 2020. Five
years. I think they are doing just fine. I hope so. I think they've earned it.
I still think that scribing too freely, misdiagnosing, threatening or manipulating people is dangerous. I have enough records and witnesses, PRISMA, I can see you and Prichards in court about Bipolar. In the meantime, let's not waste each other's time.
Saturday, May 10, 2025
Strange
I'm not arguing that my behavior is strange. But the bipolar bullshit has to stop. How anyone who knows me cannot recognize trauma responses and ptsd by now, I have no damn clue. It couldnt be more obvious than if it hit you like a brick. Seriously. 2 comas??? Hello??? Anyone home? Maybe not threatening people is a good avoid to avoid symptoms of paranoia. Maybe not being hostile and dishonest is a good way to establish and maintain trust. It's not funny. You're not helping. Don't call me, mip. I've got the PA now. Leave it be. Dont do a come hither with some medication you won't even name. Destroys trust.
Stockholm syndrome
What matters is that those who have experienced these traumas have a say in how they refer to themselves, and the words we use should accurately reflect their experiences. The term "Stockholm syndrome" attempts to explain why some survivors of hostage situations do not engage in a fight-or-flight response and even sympathize with perpetrators, as supposedly evidenced by a lack of cooperation with police and expressions of understanding or a lack of hostility toward their perpetrator. The term has since been applied to other traumatic situations with power imbalances, such as kidnapping and abusive relationships.
Stockholm syndrome suggests a relationship between perpetrator and victim that reflects mutual care and affection, but such mutuality doesn't exist in cases of abduction, abuse, and life-threatening situations. Moreover, Stockholm syndrome attempts to explain survival from captivity from the perpetrator or observer's perspective. The variables include the perceived threat to survival, the belief that the threat will be carried out, the captive perceiving some small kindness from the captor, and the hostage experiencing the perceived inability to escape. Each of these perspectives requires conscious processing that contradicts the physiological responses during a state of terror.
These conceptual issues with Stockholm syndrome may explain why a review of professional literature on survival techniques during violent crimes shows a lack of validated criteria for Stockholm syndrome as a psychiatric diagnosis, along with a limited empirical research base. The concept's origin in the media, rather than research or clinical practice, and its application to various crimes, ages, and interpersonal contexts, raises questions about its meaning, validity, and continued relevance to theory building and research.
Patience
They tell me I have to be patient. That I have to be of sound mind. Reliable memory. And then there's Justice. But I got tired. Frustrated. Different people on different sides. PRISMO. PSYCHIATRISTS. COUNSELORS. COMMUNITY. FAMILY. SIDES.
And here I am in the middle. People wondering what's going on. Me wondering where the law is on this. Because to me it's excessive. To me drugging someone up that high and teaching them they are dangerous and discouraging counseling is reckless endangerment and drug trafficking. It's creating mindless zombies that will buy guns. It's creating fear. Terror. Rage. PTSD. To me, that is psychological torture.
I was suicidal at 13. I was drugged at 10. Therapies of different sorts in elementary school, continuing through middle school. My first Overdose at 17. Coma. Memorial. Wires. Delirium. RIPPING THE WIRES OUT. PEOPLE HOLDING ME DOWN.
Prichards met me at 16. That was after Klanton. CBT. ADHD > Stimulants > ADHD COACHING > MIP PHP > KLANTON CBT > PRICHARDS > MIP INPATIENT > COMA > MIP INPATIENT > ALPHABET SOUP DIAGNOSES > OD #2 > MCCLEAN > OD #3, COMA #2 > MCCLEAN > LOST AND RIGGED > GREENVILLE > MEDICATION CITY > CITY CENTER COUNSELING > PTSD DX > PURCHASE OF .38 > SELLING .38 > MINDFUL UPSTATE > DID DX > PRICHARDS QUITS > IMA > ROWNEL > ARTSTICK > REDUCTION OF MEDS > CCBH > SPRINGBROOK > ARTSTICK ON MEDICAL > COFFEE > MIP > BACK TO BIPOLAR BS > REMEDICATED AGAIN > COFFEE > DECIDING I'VE HAD IT > FILING FBI REPORT > REDUCTION OF DX's (PRISMA Prompted me to remove problems from my problem list)
My PRISMA Dx's have been reduced from
BIPOLAR
PSYCHOSIS
DEPRESSION
PTSD
ADHD
AUTISM SPECTRUM
CAPD
and the physical
to
DEPRESSION
PTSD
AUTISM SPECTRUM
CAPD (Kinda redundant with AS but anyways)
and the physical
And now if I can stay stable as I am and away from toxic people and continue therapy it's simply a legal thing about the saga of drugs, dx's, and trauma. Cleaning up a few dirty docs. Cuz this shit don't make sense.
Other then a few nervous mental health professionals and family members and some anger, it seems better. Seriously though, Does this make any sense? How crazy is it to find someone with a problem, and then gigantically magnify that problem into this huge mess? Across multiple states? Referral city? Medication city? ECT? TMS? VNS? I'm not a cyborg. Well, technically yes. VNS. But I think we missed the boat here folks. But hey, Prichards is PROUD! I've got a Masters! annnnnnnnd... a very unstable life. Poor Physical health. extreme anger issues. And I scare people. Fantastic.
You know, it's not really surprising to me that I have multiple personalities. It's amazing my body still works. My head's been zapped so many times, magnetized, pulsed from VNS... stimmed, drug city... all legal of course. Even the THC. Legal. But I'm not sure we're impressing anyone. And I'm angry and tired. And broke. And on disability since age 20. Congratulations, us. Really impressing people here. Right now, I'd take the ER's side. I'd be pissed at bringing a guy out of a coma for this. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. That reminds me. A warm shout out to BETH ISRAEL DEACONESS for coma #2.
Thermometer Again
So now I spend my days trying to get from the 8-10 range (Anger, fury, Rage) to the 0-5 range. I need to be stable in the lower Polyvagal range so that this VNS device the state spent money on and the education and stuff can be worth it and so that the community can be calm and happy and so that the state can keep this from happening to anyone else. Medicalized perfectionism. Overeducation. Toxic work ethic. empty, medicated, permanently disabled useless burden on society. It seems like a good goal.
The hospital doesn't like me talking, so they play games. But they can't really stop me, name on buildings, state/federal observation, things like that. I do want this state to be safe. I do want no excessive prescribing. I don't know who checks this website, I only know people report back. I do know my counselor and my PA check it. I like people to feel safe. If I wanted people to be harmed, I would not have asked the FBI to monitor me. That would be the opposite of intelligent. As smart as you think I may be, believe me I am not smarter then a federal agency. I worked in taxes. You do not fuck around with these people. The IRS can run you over. SSA can do it too. The FBI? Those are the guys with the IT skills, the guns, and the badges. They can block this site, they can hack my computer, they can do many things. They can hack my phone. They know what I do. If I wanted people to be harmed, I could have done so a long time ago. That's not what I want. I do care about people. I've known many people. I hope my good eggs are proud of me. Because I'm doing this for them. People like Leaves and Elle. Kind people. Down to Earth people. Hardworking people. The ones out there in the community. I've been here 41 of 43 years. If I really wanted to hurt anyone, I would have done it by now. Don't believe the Psychiatrist lies. Don't believe the programming. Don't take the pills. Stay away from God complexes. There is no danger. I've got to be on every radar across this state. Just quietly. That's all.
I need to calm my anger. Because once it gets down to the 1... then it's clean up time. Then I get to help make sure there's no excessive pills. That people are safe. I know they are watching. They've already disrupted my internet at least once. The slightest wrong move, and it's SWAT teams, badges, guns. Not that I expect a detail to follow me around, but you know, they learn things. I don't know how long and how many people have been watching. I was rather medicated.
When I was little. Before everything. I wanted to be FBI. I applied there once. maybe twice. Forensic Accountant. I applied IRS. I was in IT. I know what they can do. I know what I started. I know they can help. Keep South Carolina Safe. So, if my awareness is correct, South Carolina doesn't need to worry. It will be safe. Less pills. No crooked doctors.
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