Polyvagal and hospitals

I really do believe that rather then trying to force confessions out of people regarding sexuality or drugs, the hospital could cut the bullshit threats and learn and apply polyvagal theory better. I'm not an addict, I'm not a criminal, and they are full of shit for implying so.

What i worry about...

Is what happens the next time I need help? Everyone needs help now and then. Do I lose the house nexttime? Do we go legal? What happens nexttime? That's why I need to manage my stress, keep plenty of personal space. Because there's bulls in the China shops. They don't care about facts, they care about narratives. They think im out here having fun and thats the story they will tell. Nevermind the truth. This is why I cant talk to some people. It's thier narrative.

Guilt

    Guilt is ever present in today's society. Because shame is a way that society enacts control, guilt is a holiday thing, it is a duty thing, it is a thing of accusations and recriminations. It is the relative that keeps asking no matter how many times you say no. It is the friend who lays everything on you. It is the inverse of duty, it is the failure to meet obligations imposed, whether rightfully or not. 

Headaches

 To me, the weirdest part is the strange headaches I get. It feels like different parts of my skull want to come off. Last night I only got four hours of sleep. I cant get myself to sleep enough. I worry about the future. Especially when it seems like the hospital does not have my best interest at heart. 

Conversation is hard. I don't feel like I can be myself with people. after every conversation, I feel like I think of five different ways I could have said something else. At times I feel betrayed.

Like the hospital was never working for me. And they seem more interested in burying it, then understanding what the real problem is.