The Old Days

 You tink Spidey dudent gno? Spidey's onto glue. Nebber saw dis coming doh. Spidey miss di old daze. Crawl with me...

Distwacted

Spidey a liddle distwacted. Gedding off on di wrong leg. Ebbyday almost. Spidey tink. Call out di itsy bitsy dibbision! Datdadadaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Dey grappling rite inn!

Weakness

I had a bit of a weakness spell. I was able to get a massage mat out. The vibration helped. I'm more aware. Memory is coming back. Slowly. I think it was kat that had a clearer perspective. Some of the team are silent partners. Behind the scenes. My psychiatrist and ima. They are still there. Still watching. So I know people are helping. Other then rest and a peaceful environment, the how's are unclear

Love

 I think I'm confusing my concepts a little. 

Nursing

Spidey a liddle INPATIENT. Maybe a bit impulsedive. But di team is hard at werk. As long as dey don't hit me wit di broom, Spidey be ok. Time to get webby...

Nature vs Nurture

    Now, there's a concept in Psychology known as nature vs nurture. Not that it's a new concept. Something CCBH clearly did not understand. Blatant stupidity. Anyways, nature is that genetic predisposition and nurture is experience. So, maybe, people understand nature vs. nurture better, we won't need so many drugs and whiteboards. 

    Children that can self soothe, ones that are given space and taught proper boundaries, those children tend to do better. They have better emotional control. They don't need as many pills. 

    I definitely had a chaotic childhood. I was definitely not given many choices of my own. I definitely had people bullying me and causing me grief. I definitely became a runner. I definitely learned some self-defense. I definitely have survival mechanisms. I'm definitely at the point of fighting back. Y'all taught me a lot. 

    I remember Fort McClean. The armoring. I can't see anything positive about that place. But I know why I ended up there. And nothing happens in a vacuum. People have help. Maybe this time, we can be more constructive. Maybe this time less like Nazis. Less like Machines. More like people. Elle was patient and kind and that helped me keep going. But I have unfinished business. Some clean up. It's what drives me. I can barely think about anything else. It's time for some clean up. A little bit of tweaking. Of the people that helped me get here. those people. They have letters after their names. They were my families. Just a little cleanup. Until the bullshit stops and we all sit down. 

    There's plenty of records. I'm confident that there are MDs that are ready to switch. And then it ends for good. So, let's be intelligent. Stop playing games. Mind our own business. And let a court sort it out for good. Otherwise, it never ends. This is what you created. You turned it against yourselves. Too many people know. So, it's only a matter of time. I need a court to rule. I need the FDA to ban that drug. Permanently. We started something decades ago. It has to end. 

    My families and I have a cancer. We need to work it out. Permanently. Not some, get over it bullshit. Not some, forget about it bullshit. Not some quick fix. A permanent solution. By court order. Or it never ends. People will always mess with me. And it's caused problems. A mess across the upstate and into Massachusetts. It's wearing on people. It's just "my" problem. It's interstate. 

Moving On

I had me another idea. See, if I tone it down a little, maybe the medicators will stop getting on my case. Maybe they will mind their own business. Maybe if I stay in the middle and try to enjoy life like Arson said, maybe then people don't need to study me like Arson said. Arson gets good ideas, from time to time. One thing I'm sure of is that people with that name on the building need to tone it down, stop messing with other professionals. Because I know my women are helping me. I know they get tired of the craziness. As amusing as people seem to find it. To me it's such an odd thing. My whole life. It makes little sense. I've been talking about the crazier parts. The dirty laundry parts. There were other parts. That reminds me of switching. They said I had healthy parts and unhealthy parts. You knoooooooooooooow... Maybe this whole sorting professionals thing is like sorting laundry. And it's not just sorting professionals to be cleaned. It's like sorting ideas or experiences. Sorting impulses. Maybe keeping people healthy is less like engineering or white boards and more like cleaning clothes. Adjusting experiences. Riding the wave safely. I wonder if this headache thing is related to VNS. And I can't figure out the foot. I hope Jenn and Elly got my messages. I'm not sure why there's still a female PA on my mychart. Maybe they are getting desperate. She's blonde. Go figure. Yeah, I get it. Elly's blonde, Elle's blonde. But I really started this because of the Clozaril and the med train. And overreaching and obnoxious male professionals. Like Garbage for example. I keep hoping they'll take him out. Just praying they don't recycle him. Too toxic. I've met a few assholes in my day. But I am tired. I need to do something other than visit healthcare people. Quiet life is nice. Then I can focus on something more productive. But I feel better knowing that the government is watching. I feel better knowing that I'm helping Public Health. I know my friend would want to help. I just hope I'll see my friends again. But I think maybe it's best if I keep kinda quiet. Until my footing feels more solid. I need to file those taxes. You'd think I'd be able to do that. Maybe I'll look up those forms. Try to get my printer working again. Not sure what the FBI did. They never spoke to me. I just know that Timmons and the governor like things quiet and peaceful. I get annoyed with people messing with me. Can't mind their own business. Makes me less flappy. And people stealing stuff just makes me angry. Makes me want to file reports. You know, my nieces have brown hair. Not all about hair color. Some of the kids go to Clemson. One USC. One Furman. There's only one doctor I truly hate. And he was actually a PhD. But maybe this is my big FU to him. Maybe now people will know the kind of garbage that man is. Human filth. Maybe some are just too med happy. But that PhD was a piece of work. 

Focus

Now that the FBI is in town, I don't have to worry about protecting anyone. Because I'm protected. So we need to focus. On getting Clozaril off the market. An apple a day plus the FBI keeps the doctors away. We need to focus on making the de-medicalization of South Carolina permanent. Avoiding toxic masculinity, perfectionism, pushing too hard, too many drugs, dirty money, dirty doctors, dirty pharmacies. So I would hope they are reviewing the medical records. Because the state builds legal cases. That's not my job. I just give them what they need. I need to focus on real life. I need to pick up that Abilify. Maybe the FBI should be checking on the private pharmacy where I got most of the meds. I think Walgreens just doesn't like me because of Theranos. That's ok. I get it. CVS isn't a fan either. But I stick to the natural remedies and the earplugs. The Flonase. People are just concerned, I'm told. People are trying to help. I need to make sure this stays on track. Stay away from liberalized medicine. Dangerous. That's why they tell me it's a former life. Thank God. At least the FBI knows where to look. They can do the dirty work. But they better check on that private pharmacy. Maybe the compounding ones that gave me the ketamine. Maybe that's why the pharmacies try to shoo me away. Because they are hoping that the FBI cleans up. I don't know what they are doing. But by now they know enough. I have to let them do their job. Keep us safe. Slow down the referral and drug trains. I hope everyone is cooperating. Some people needed to switch. I'm not switching anymore. I'm staying in the middle. Helping out. Then maybe I can do something else. I'll just assume they'll let me know when they're finished. Maybe try to keep it clean. I like the quiet life. It's nice. And I think my liver needs a break. I can feel it and my right foot. Maybe less talking to... people of low morals. I had a friend just a little while ago. He warned me about these social medias. Seemed like a nice guy. I kept his cat. But this medical business has been consuming. So I need to focus. On helping out. Staying in the middle. I hope that everyone in Greenville County is minding their p's and q's. We're cleaning up a little. And I need to stay away from hospitals. I think the FBI would also prefer me to be easy to watch and manage. I think I can say these things. I think it helps keep people safe. But I won't be saying a whole lot. I don't know what's going to happen. I need to be patient. Let the government figure this out. Mind my temper. Springbrook will help. Vinewell. Mindful. People are trying to help. I need to let them do their job. I'm not sure they're keeping the name on that building for much longer. I need to go by Walgreens.