I don't like it when people get hurt. I don't. But she was all that was standing in the way of me and that key card. People wonder why I get frustrated and angry, it's when other people condescend or stand in my way or make threats. Even for decades after I started having thoughts of hurting health care workers, I didn't realize the anger problems I had.
She was a nice lady. I could have attacked her, no one was nearby but I didn't want her to be hurt. I'm not that kind of person. I knew I didn't want to do it so I didn't. She was safe with me. So maybe she wasn't so crazy to go walking along down a dim hall alone and far from the unit at night with a patient. Maybe some men would have attacked a woman half thier weight in an opportune moment in a dark hall. But I'm just not one of them. I just struggle to communicate and get angry.
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