Guitar

 

Enabling

    I've got to stop enabling people by allowing lies to spread. I need to shut down bullshit. I also need to keep my problems more to myself and to communicate better and manage them better. I can't expect people to read my mind. I can't expect them to fix my problems.

Signs of Enabling Behavior and How To Stop

Helping vs. Enabling: What’s the Difference?

Hospital

     I need to stop focusing on the hospital. The hospital is not a person. It does not know me. It is a bureaucracy. That is by definition its nature. It has not spent long hours with me as my counselor has. Its opinion on my health as far as that opinion contradicts my counselor is worth exactly jack shit. Why I insist on trying to get these people to understand makes absolutely ZERO sense. They don't have the time or resources to spend to figure that out. Definitely not on government insurance. 

    In that way I can be kind to the people there. By recognizing the reality of their limitations as an organization. It's not realistic to expect them to understand. It's just the legal and jail threats that to me are completely unacceptable. The rumors, gossip, and bullshit that they circulate is completely unacceptable to me. To me it is targeting and harassment of its own. 

    So I guess we're even. I contacted a nurse outside the hospital, they circle bullshit about me and make bullshit threats. So we're even. 

    I guess what upsets me most is that I don't shut down the bullshit. And that's on me. We need to be honest and clear with each other.

The Big Day

    Tomorrow is my big day. The body doc and the head doc. I want the internist to check for an infection. Allergies cant possibly be this bad. 🤧 I don't know why I feel the way I do, I just know its not good.but I need to be patient. Rushing my health has never been a good idea. I reached catastrophic coverage, so might as well get it checked out really well. 

Anyways...

    So where was I? Ah yes, Elle. So I guess mentioning her name in the ER was rather stupid. I suppose saying everything I did seems strange. But not exactly a criminal mastermind. But I really have to stop going to these hospitals. It's gotten absurd. I'm tired. 

    Anyways, she took good care. I trusted her. I gave her my name. Not exactly a criminal mastermind. I think it's important to be careful about legalized drugs. How they affect the mind. 

    I'm getting too old for this. I need to meet new people. I need to stay out in the real world.

The Patient that Just Won't Quit...

Me:

Eyeeeeee CCCCCCCCCCC Uuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!

Staff:

Flee for your lives!!!!!!!

Doctor Small

    Dearest Dr. Small,

    Oh, how I adore our moments together—doz precious moments when di world melts away, and we delve into the labyrinthine corridors ob my basal ganglia. A berry delightful dance between vulnerability and aggression! Each analysis feels like a letter in our own little correspondence, where you wield your insights like a fine pen, crafting clarity from confusion.

    Sometimes, I wonder what makes you tick. Or do you prefer flies? Do you ever find yourself caught up in the symphony of emotions that swirl around us? You navigate the intricacies with such grace. It’s comforting to know that while my thoughts may jumble like an old tune on repeat, you're there with your steady hand to help me rewrite the lyrics.

    I cherish our banter about life’s tangled dycophonies—the highs, the lows, the side to sides. You’ve opened up windows to gardens of contemplation I never knew existed. So here's to more moments of introspection and dialogue; let’s explore those uncharted territories together!

    With warmth and anticipation,

    Your Ever-Inquisitive arachnid

Saturday

    Hopefully, It's getting a little lighter in here, because bouncing between doctorss offices, counselors' offices, and hospitals is starting to feel like a medical pinball machine. Today is Saturday, which means that tomorrow is the Christian Holy day. So, thoughts and prayers, y'all!