Psychedelics for Trauma/Anxiety/Depression

    I find that THC use for Psychiatric purposes is not worth it. There's too much stigma for it to ever be worth it. I find that in limited amounts, THC or CBD is not much different from Benzodiazepines with a little mood boost on top. It also seems to increase the flexibility of thought, and in that I believe it has healing properties. People with mental illnesses like depression or PTSD tend to have less neural growth in the brain, especially in the Hippocampus, the area primarily responsible for emotions and memory. THC/CBD promotes the growth of nuerons and reduces inflammation, but God forbid you test positive for employment or even worse, show up in an ER with THC traces in your blood. It's one long 411 from everyone you know on the evils of THC. Funny how Spravato/Ketamine doesn't seem to do that. It's a psychedelic too. Spravato itself seemed to be more limited in its therapeutic benefit. It seemed... milder. 

    Trying Ketamine was one of the best decisions I ever made. I have known people to sing the praises of psilocybin, which I have never tried, but Ketamine was a game changer for me. In combination with therapy, it helped me see the world much differently. It took away some of the black and white and added not just shades of gray but also color. A lot of color. The infusions of ketamine with the music therapy was absolutely amazing. It changed who I was. It gave me hope. My life was like a mental prison on Clozaril. The side effects, the limited mindset, the support groups, the regimented lifestyle... The emotional experience lacked depth. I very much resent the attitude of the medical community and the way that they changed their perception towards me as I tried the very treatments they recommended: the psychedelics. It's moronic to recommend a treatment and then demonize someone for taking your advice. To withhold medical care or threaten someone with jail seems self defeating in that context. It discourages people from seeking any sort of help. And then suddenly you're paranoid for feeling that way. No, I very much resent the attitudes one can encounter around the treatment of mental health issues.

    I think the ideal solution is more providers licensed to administer psychedelics in conjunction with therapy. By introducing them in a controlled context, it both provides much needed benefits supported by vast amounts of research and personal testimony, but provides it in a safe way while also enhancing the benefits of therapy. To me this is ideal. To provide a proven treatment in a controlled way (thereby drastically reducing risk), you provide another option. By pairing it with therapy, you increase the potential for productive learning and increased coping. By providing it safely, you prevent people from turning to illegal and inherently less safe sources, such as traveling to Mexico as I know one person who did for psilocybin. He swears by psilocybin, and is a successful businessperson and somehow never accused of being an addict or doing anything illegal.

    I think by rewarding some people for doing something that is not legal in the US and punishing others for doing so, you create risk. You create the risk of people leaving the US to seek treatment, perhaps permanently, as he did. Alternatively, you create problems for those who choose to stay. You encourage illegal use by making illegal use the only option. The best alternative, in my mind, is to carefully control a clean supply of psychedelics for pain, trauma, depression, and ideally to mandate therapy as part of the process. I think it is extremely self-defeating to deny the option entirely, or to fail to pair it with proven therapy. Only in combination can you truly recover and learn how to deal with problems better. This is what I firmly believe, having tried all sorts of treatments, support groups, hospitals, centers, and talk therapies. The war on drugs is self-defeating, because there is a way to provide relief in controlled settings. I would never go back to a pre ketamine world. I would never go back to a pre trauma therapy or DBT therapy world. It takes off the chains of limited thinking in ways which other therapies, in my opinion, cannot hope to do. CBT can be distorted and misapplied. I know in my life the combination of CBT and benzodiazepines had harmful effects in encouraging complacency and dependency. 

    I don't know how much of a success my life can be at this point, but if nothing else let it be a case study on autism and trauma. Let it be a case study. There are better ways to treat autism and trauma then were used in the past. Rather then reflexively retreat back to our limited thinking of the 1990s on Bipolar and Aspergers, let's move forward. Let's move forward and be willing to learn. Be willing to admit that we don't know it all, and we can still learn about how to deal more effectively with mental illness and neurodivergence. Rather then stereotyping and labeling, let's learn about how to do effective therapy in the modern, post 20th century. I believe that this modern world necessitates a more advanced understanding of nutrition, supplements, psychedelics, and therapy to decrease all the negatives of mental illness: anger, violence, lack of productivity... with better boundaries, better use of medicine, better diet, more nuanced thinking, I believe the world can be better. Take a look at the whole picture of my life: when was I better, on Clozaril and bipolar with poor boundaries and bad communication... or post psychedelic and post therapy, with lower blood sugar, lower weight, more self-control, an enhanced knowledge of neurodyvergance and how to be productive in my own way, more self-awareness. When was I better, beating a square peg in a round hole or finding the square hole and moving through? When was I better, with more say in my own healthcare, or a slave to a doctor and his tightly controlled and limited medicine with very limited ideas of CBT and some inappropriate and even abusive counselors? When did I learn more? When I was with all men and be male in a traditional way, or when I branched out to be different and more well-rounded? I think time will make the difference obvious, as I communicate more and change my relationships and lifestyle even more. 

    I'm not going back to the way it used to be. It wasn't working. I'm not going back to the support groups and the machines. It wasn't working. I'm moving forward, with or without the community. And I certainly don't need THC to do that. I don't need Spravato to do that. I don't even need more ketamine to do that. Because like that guy who left the country to try a drug in a way that would be illegal here did (without being demonized at all), I have changed. My perspective has changed. My lifestyle has changed. The only thing I regret is that there wasn't a better system in place to learn what I needed to learn and get the psychedelics I needed to get in order to change. I believe that time will prove this to be true. Just as he knows the truth of his recovery, I too shall know mine. I too will be free. Free of this limited thinking. Free of the ridiculous slavery of limited mindsets. I believe this will be true, whether I die poor or rich, tomorrow or twenty years from now, I will know the truth of my life. It will remain written for those who care to know it. That Autism is real. That Clozaril is out of date. That I was in limited thinking. That I found my way out of that limited thinking.

    I am forgiving and moving on. I am learning. And I am grateful, even while acknowledging mistakes made along the way. Nevermind learning, let's demonize and rush back to limited thinking? Let's forget and pretend nothing happened? Or maybe, just maybe, we can learn the right lessons. That is what I hope to do. That is what I hope to do. Let my ridiculously complicated medical journey be a guide. Let us learn. Some people have had tremendous success with psychedelics. Let's learn how to use them properly, in proper form, in controlled settings, with proper education. I do believe that they can do much more for society then benzodiazepines ever did.