Ptsd

Did is really very similar to ptsd. I only talk about it because its slightly different and because it shouldn't have to be that scary. They're all just labels for problems. That's all the dsm is. Descriptions of problems. It's not a movie. Im not a criminal mastermind im just angry. Like someone with ptsd. Extremely angry. But people around me don't get it. They can't drive that point through their thick skulls. They're fucking know it alls. Always will be. They say im the delusional one. But everyone has delusions. Even doctors. God complexes. Fucking pricks. So superior. Then its all be nice to the people helping you. Fuck you. I helped yall too. So be fucking nice to me. And drop the attitude. Stop the superiority. Step down off your pedestal. Narcissists. The dsm works both ways. All interpretation. 

Fear

I seriously wouldn't be in counseling if I was trying to be dangerous. I seriously could have hurt people a long time ago if I wanted that. Just because I'm 5'11, 200-250 pounds, and still somewhat athletic doesnt not make me dangerous. Just ask the small women. Like molly. Or Elle. Or leaves. They never got a scratch. I pushed a doctor once. 26 years ago. Not exactly a history of violence. But they fear me. Because of the labels, the way I talk. Because of the gun i bought when prichards went crazy with minipress. I hope he retired. He needs to.

Intensity

This is too intense. But they tell me I can't just go around it or put it away. I have to work through it. I think my history proves that. I think my history also proves that it doesnt happen quickly or easily. But there has to be more. But if I can't get the anger down, I can't get more. They say some things are permanent. That there's no fix, no drug. No easy answer, just work. That i might have a relationship eventually. That i won't have a normal life. Career. More then one professional saying that. And I've had them disagree on different things, but some things they agree on. That I'm angry. For one.

 There are literally doctors and LPCs that won't let me quit. They say there are victims. These people are working around me. They don't tell me everything. I don't know what to do. I'm not law enforcement or a lawyer. They won't let me contact a lawyer. They talked to the FBI. So what do i do?