There was a helpful poem that mip gave in one of the groups. It was about not repeating past mistakes. Going down a different road. Thats what I need to do. Step back from certain relationships and stressors, not look to hospitals for fixits, find peace on the outside. 

Ironic

 

What's really ironic is to have so many people seeming so desperate for me to talk and yet so pissed off when I actually do. I definitely need to be much much more careful.

Weird

    It's really weird when one person has so many strong opinions and misconceptions built around themself. So, I'm just saving my breath and energy and telling everyone at once: I don't want to hurt anyone, and I'm too tired to argue with you. I need to focus on writing and working. Best wishes to all. 

    I'm going back to forgetting that the March clusterfuck ever happened. I'm pretending that MIP and I ended on good terms and that we're on the same side. Because that's what I need to do. Not like anyone from MIP reads this anyways. 

    I mean seriously. This is like The British (me) trying to convince the Italians (family) and the Americans (hospitals) that we all believe the same things and have a fully functional NATO alliance that agrees on everything. Just the fact that I need such a ridiculous metaphor to try to appease everyone says something by itself. I'm one person. I cannot possibly be worth arguing that much over. Find someone else to argue over. I can't spend the rest of my life apologizing for Elle and trying to clear my name regarding Prichards. We're all human, we all have faults, we all make mistakes.

I always had the anger, the thoughts, the issues, you just didn't know.

Reminders

 #5 stop engaging with people who never agree with you

#2 stop going to psych hospitals

#3 stop getting legalistic

#4 stop trying to help people who don't want to be helped

#1 they don't want to play

#6 learn some new recipes

#7 go back to the gym

#8 don't repeat patterns