Sometimes I wonder why people tell me some things.

I really do. Or find me interesting. My life is exciting in the wrong ways sometimes. I need to focus. But it has to be more then writing. I just worry about the directions I go in. Some people find me entirely too interesting. Psychiatrists, for example. 

Distracted

    I got distracted again. Thinking about life and law. I just find everything rather distracting. You know, elle said something back in the 90s. She said I was a trip. Reminds me of that lady I tutored. She was a psychiatric nurse. She wanted to open a community center. I think it was cost accounting. I was helping her learn how to run one. So maybe y'all could cut me some slack. You know? If I'm helping your own people. She was from West Virginia. we worked together several times.

Nuerologist

    I waver between delusional and not so delusional, amused and not so amused. But this was kinda funny. She said to see my internist about the physical and a psychiatrist about the rest. In progress and done. Hmmm... yes... strange. Not related to VNS. Well, I didn't think so. I need to go to the library. I still question some of the life choices, but this gets tiresome. I really wouldn't isolate, but I think maybe it helps me focus. And I'm concerned. One of the old guard was at ccbh. He discharged me. Like they thought if I saw one of them, I'd simply forget what they did. No. Not quite that stupid. "Psychotic" or very much not... I'm not that stupid. I need to work on angry. Angry's a little upset. About the old guard. And their friends. Working together to keep me quiet. But, not my mess...

Journey

    So, we're on a journey. Just like Arson wanted. Human science experiment on a journey. To understand what medication can and can't do. And hopefully take clozapine off the market for good. Maybe discourage Harvard drug trials. Maybe shut down some God complexes. Maybe dismantle a cult. Welp, I drank the Kool-Aid. It's wearing off. You wonder why I'm weird? Why I'm so... hyper and tired and anxious and stuff? Well now you know. 

Forensic Psychiatrist Humor

How many Forensic Psychiatrists does it take to unscrew a DID? 

Only half the East Coast.

Dangerous

Sometimes pain is just pain. Sometimes people look at me like I'm dangerous. 

What I need is for people to understand the real danger. Prescription drugs. Doctors being too close. Because then it starts looking like racketeering. Insurance Fraud. Gambling with people's lives. Human Trafficking. Then I start thinking about Federal Agents moving in. SWAT teams. Filing reports. Social workers. Protection. Lives of crime dressed up as doctoring. Some people can't touch me now. Because I switched. I'm falling back on my accounting. My tax and audit. I have many questions. Many people do. I worry. But emotions aren't bad. Consciences aren't bad. Threats are bad. Extortion is bad. Intimidation and abuse is bad. This state has a problem. Revolving around clozapine and dirty doctors. Cleanup time is coming. 

Feet are doing better. Now it's head, face, back, sometimes digestive or respiratory. Sometimes my breathing becomes depressed. Sometimes I might stop breathing. But I'm getting rest and keeping professionals busy. Until this gets worked out. 

Release Us

I know that it's time for a change

Mmm but when that change comes
Will you still feel the same?

How many times have I tried to turn this love around?
I don't want to give up
But baby it's time I had two feet on the ground
Can you release me
Can you release me
Now that you're gone I can't help myself from wondering
Oh, if you'd have come down from your high
Would we've been all right?
Release me
Can you release me

Come on baby, come on baby
You knew it was time to just let go
'Cause we want to be free
But somehow it's just not that easy
Come on Darlin', hear me Darlin'
'Cause you're a waste of time for me
I'm trying to make you see
That baby you've just got to release me
Release me
Release me
I'm not going back to you anymore
Finally my weakened heart is healing though very slow
So stop coming around my door
'Cause you're not gonna find
What you're looking for

What is this power you've got on me
What is this power, Oh
What is it,What is it

Release me
Will you release me
Ah...Release me
Will you release me

Fishing

Maybe I'm a small fish. But I'm told there are others in this pond. Some people used to sit on the Greenville County Mortality committee. Every time someone under the age of 18 died, they found out. Why are they so interested? My mind is full of questions. About things that I know. They want to label it psychosis. So it will go away. Too many people know that it's not psychosis. They are asking their own questions, making their own inferences about Greenville County. I don't know what it means. Maybe nothing. Maybe it's just conspiracy theories. But an innocent man isn't afraid of people asking questions. That's why I contacted the FBI. They haven't arrested me yet.