Face Heat

I remember youth. Sometimes my ears would turn red. Parents were like, whats wrong. Took me to internist. The internist had a roundabout way of saying I was embarrassed. Now its face burning. You could say hormones or a chemical or nutrition. Maybe its just anger. People are not, in fact, robots. Emotions are not wrong. Perfection is not to be expected. Relationships go sour. Jobs go sour. Sometimes you need a vacation. Or do that walking away thing. Sometimes, communicating in writing is the best one can hope for. 

Speaking

People are like, don't say this, don't say that. Do this, don't do that. Pick something already? Or maybe just give me my words in advance? Nice guys do finish last. Being strong and being nice don't always work well together. Sometimes you have to make people angry. Sometimes helping people means doing what they don't want you to do, saying what they don't want to hear. And if they don't listen, you walk away or get louder. You don't keep walking down that dead end road. 

Under Maintainance

This Person is under maintenance until anger becomes less of a vocabulary word. I'm simply going in too many directions. I care about the kids. They know that. I'm there from a distance.

At times, it does seem like there are sides. Almost like being split between different interests or groups of people. 

Less is More...

A little less angry...
A little more organized...
Slow but not too slow...
More judicious with honesty...
Maybe just taxes and writing...
A little less driven to distraction...
A little less blame...
A half dozen fewer people with lower morals...

one car washed...

A few clothes to donate...

A few less doctors in my head.

Crabby

Vlad!! STOP AXKING WHERE DI BLOOD STAND IS!

Dat Bat. Nebber a dull moment. Spidey just wanted to go to di beach, ride di wabes, but noooooo... der is he is again. He's behind di udder sand dune. UHOH! He saw Fwed. Di seagulls are patrolling di beaches. Der he goes... he's getting flappy... He's got his SPF 50... now he's flying apter anudder blonde. Dat Bat. 

Spidey likes di sea shells... sun radder bright, doh. 

Uh oh, dey spotted him. He's hiding behind anudder dune. He's covering himself in sunscreen and gull fedders. He's making a break for it! Der's a redhead! Anudder Blonde! Der goes a Brunette! He darts! He Dashes! 

Here's a gween wun. Spidey try on. Go for crawl. Fit rite in wit di cwabs.

Di wabes... di sand...

Maybe Spidey surf. Di shell looks seaworthy.

Where is dat bat... ?

Out of Body Experiences

    I just woke up from a dream. I dreamt that I had gone to MIP from the ER. That I was thinking of suing the hospital. That I was working with the FBI. But its not true. They didn't say we need to ship this guy outta state. They did ship me out of state. I'm back in MA. I'm back at Fort McClean. I'm with Conner. 

But there's a guy down there. His name is Angry. He's having one of those out of body experiences. He's thinking he's working with FBI. He's bitter and a little bit broken. Angry's been around the block a few times. He's hallucinating lawsuits. He stops breathing sometimes. He's lashing out a bit. Angry a little too close. He needs to step back. He's scaring people.

Favorite PC Games List

Ultimate Admiral: Dreadnoughts

Black Ops Games

Elder Scrolls Online

Age of Empires Series (AOM too)

C&C

SWTOR

Call of Duty

Age of Darkness

Tennis Game

Distress Tolerance

Spidey a liddle sensitive. Maybe a liddle more distress tolerance. Everything on a spectrum. Past experience puts people on all the spectrums. 

I think I'm seeing patterns too. Hypersensitivity from childhood chaos. Goes in different directions. Hypermedicalization. 

Multilingual family = Central Auditory Processing Disorder

Academic success oriented =adhd

Toxic masculinity = bipolar 

Failure or guilty conscience = depression 

Not enough time outside = allergies

Too much medical = rebound or chronic inflammation 

Cbt = idealization and unrealistic thinking

Dbt = reality

Eastern medicine = more harmony based, less fixit

Autism = sensory chaos in general

Well, I think MIP was overshooting. I think I need to be delusional on occasion. Otherwise, I check out.